Can't Get to Heaven Song
The Tune: view video
Lyrics:
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in an old Ford car
'Cause an old Ford car won't get that far
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a ping pong ball
'Cause a ping pong ball is much too small
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a limousine
'Cause the Lord ain't got no gasoline
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a Sabre Jet
'Cause the Lord ain't got no runways yet
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a Girl Scout's arms
'Cause the Lord don't fall for those feminine charms
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a rocking chair
'Cause the Lord don't want no lazybones there
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a wicker chair
'Cause the Lord don't want no baskets there
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a biscuit tin
'Cause a biscuit tin's got biscuits in
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in an apple tree
'Cause an apple tree's got roots you see
Oh, you can't get to Heaven on roller skates
You'd roll right by them Pearly Gates
You'll never get to heaven in your girlfriend's bra
'Cause your girlfriend's bra can't stretch that far
Oh, you can't get to Heaven on a Honda bike
'Cause you'll get halfway, then you'll have to hike
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in our row boat
'Cause our row boat won't even float.
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in dirty jeans
'Cause heaven's got no washing machines.
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a Kleenex box
'Cause God don't like no dirty snots.
Oh, you can't get to Heaven on a pair of skis
You'll shuss right through St. Peter's knees.
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in our Leader's pants
'Cause his pants are full of ants
Oh, you can't get to Heaven on water skis
'Cause the angels don't like hairy knees
Oh, you can't get to Heaven with powder and paint
'Cause it makes you look like what you ain't
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a strapless gown
'Cause that gown thing might fall right down
Oh I want to go to heaven, and I want to do it right
So I'll go up to heaven all dressed in white
Oh one fine day, and it won't be long
You'll look for me, and I'll be gone
And if you get to heaven before I do
Just drill a hole and pull me through
But if I get to heaven before you do
I'll drill a hole and spit on you
Well if I get to heaven, before you do
I'll plug that hole, with shavings and glue
That's all there is, there is no more
St. Peter said, as he shut the door
Oh there's one more thing I forgot to tell
If you don't go to heaven, you'll go to...bed
And that's the end, St. Peter said
As he closed the gates, And went to bed.
'Cause an old Ford car won't get that far
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a ping pong ball
'Cause a ping pong ball is much too small
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a limousine
'Cause the Lord ain't got no gasoline
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a Sabre Jet
'Cause the Lord ain't got no runways yet
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a Girl Scout's arms
'Cause the Lord don't fall for those feminine charms
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a rocking chair
'Cause the Lord don't want no lazybones there
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a wicker chair
'Cause the Lord don't want no baskets there
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a biscuit tin
'Cause a biscuit tin's got biscuits in
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in an apple tree
'Cause an apple tree's got roots you see
Oh, you can't get to Heaven on roller skates
You'd roll right by them Pearly Gates
You'll never get to heaven in your girlfriend's bra
'Cause your girlfriend's bra can't stretch that far
Oh, you can't get to Heaven on a Honda bike
'Cause you'll get halfway, then you'll have to hike
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in our row boat
'Cause our row boat won't even float.
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in dirty jeans
'Cause heaven's got no washing machines.
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a Kleenex box
'Cause God don't like no dirty snots.
Oh, you can't get to Heaven on a pair of skis
You'll shuss right through St. Peter's knees.
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in our Leader's pants
'Cause his pants are full of ants
Oh, you can't get to Heaven on water skis
'Cause the angels don't like hairy knees
Oh, you can't get to Heaven with powder and paint
'Cause it makes you look like what you ain't
Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a strapless gown
'Cause that gown thing might fall right down
Oh I want to go to heaven, and I want to do it right
So I'll go up to heaven all dressed in white
Oh one fine day, and it won't be long
You'll look for me, and I'll be gone
And if you get to heaven before I do
Just drill a hole and pull me through
But if I get to heaven before you do
I'll drill a hole and spit on you
Well if I get to heaven, before you do
I'll plug that hole, with shavings and glue
That's all there is, there is no more
St. Peter said, as he shut the door
Oh there's one more thing I forgot to tell
If you don't go to heaven, you'll go to...bed
And that's the end, St. Peter said
As he closed the gates, And went to bed.
Click one to vote:
Comments:
Feb 03, 2015 - Mary griffin calvert
I knew the song as a child I was just thinking about it couldn't remember all the words so I googled it :-) brought back many pleasant memories from my childhood :-) :-)
Mar 28, 2016 - Joshua
I knew the song as a child I was just thinking about it couldn't
remember all the words so I googled it :-) brought back many
pleasant memories from my childhood :-) :-)
May 03, 2016 - Tom
One verse we used to sing was "You'll never get to heaven on
a piece of glass, 'cause a piece of glass will cut your...
finger".
Jul 04, 2016 - Scoutdaughter
My dad taught this to us as we sang around the campfire and his enthusiastic love for it carried over to me. He only used four or five verses, some of which aren't included here. I don't know if he or his troop master made them up. "Oh, you can't get to Heaven in a Ford V8 'cause the Lord's got stock in Chevrolet." If I think of any others, I'll come back. Thank you for the lyrics of this song!!!
Jul 22, 2016 - Deathbot 3000
I sang it at my camp so I looked up the lyrics and this website was really helpful
Aug 29, 2016 - Graham Fewell
If you're adding verses.... we used to sing
'Oh you'll never get to heaven on a cigarette
Cos the Lord ain't go no ash trays yet.'
'Oh you'll never get to heaven on a cigarette
Cos the Lord ain't go no ash trays yet.'
Sep 06, 2016 - Cheryl zonneville
I love the song you can't get to heaven because the
lyrics are funny. I also like it because I can keep adding
my own lyrics and I can make the song as long as I
want. I have loved this song since I was a little girl.
Oct 15, 2016 - Paul Drew
I remember another verse which is,
"You can't go to heaven in a platex bra 'cuz a playtex bra won't stretch that far"
As a child that made me smile.
"You can't go to heaven in a platex bra 'cuz a playtex bra won't stretch that far"
As a child that made me smile.
May 01, 2017 - Toby
What I love about this song is changing it to your friend's name. Oh you'll never go to heaven, in David's Car, because Davids car, won't get that far'
Jun 09, 2017 - Elle
I remember it as follows;-
Oh you'll never go to heaven,(sung by solo, then group repeats).
In a baked bean tin(as above)
Cos a baked bean tins
Got baked beans in.
Then all sing the following
Oh you'll never get to heaven in a baked bean tin cos a baked bean tins got baked beans in
I aint gonna grieve my lord no more, I aint gonna grieve my lord, I aint gonna grieve my lord, I aint gonna grieve my lord no more. We sang this at school when visiting other schools on trips and at girl guides.
Oh you'll never go to heaven,(sung by solo, then group repeats).
In a baked bean tin(as above)
Cos a baked bean tins
Got baked beans in.
Then all sing the following
Oh you'll never get to heaven in a baked bean tin cos a baked bean tins got baked beans in
I aint gonna grieve my lord no more, I aint gonna grieve my lord, I aint gonna grieve my lord, I aint gonna grieve my lord no more. We sang this at school when visiting other schools on trips and at girl guides.
Jul 30, 2017 - dr. j. f. belanger
Thanks. Without your help I would not have known even half the words to this old chestnut.
Jan 09, 2018 - Hyral Prowse
Gosh, I can remember singing this round the camp fire at Guides
when I was at school in the forties!! It's brought back such
memories. Thanks a lot Google.
Apr 20, 2018 - Kim McCormick
Oh you can't get to heaven in a Red
Canoe does the Lord's favorite color is
royal blue
Jun 12, 2018 - Paul Wilson
Boy Scouts... Oh you can't get to heaven in a submarine, cause you
might end up in the Lord's latrine.
Sep 21, 2018 - Eric Roberts
We used to sing, "no you can't get to heaven on Your Father's Looks, because your Father's Looks are in the comic books.
Then we'd sing, "all my sins are washed away I've been redeemed."
Then we'd sing, "all my sins are washed away I've been redeemed."
Jun 01, 2019 - A.B. Snyder
We sang this song on the bus going to
church camp. That was over 50 years ago. I
drive my grandchildren to day camp now.
Last year I remembered "Cumalata Vista",
and taught them that one. we sang t every
morning on our commute. This year I
remembered this one. Another verse I
remember:
Uncle Fred's car/stops at every bar
Verses I made up for the kids:
your grandma's best gown/'cause she's already there and has it on
a green John Deere/they grow no crops that's what I hear
with silver and gold/nothing there is bought or sold
if you talk too loud/ it's quiet there up in the clouds
So fun!
Uncle Fred's car/stops at every bar
Verses I made up for the kids:
your grandma's best gown/'cause she's already there and has it on
a green John Deere/they grow no crops that's what I hear
with silver and gold/nothing there is bought or sold
if you talk too loud/ it's quiet there up in the clouds
So fun!
Jun 27, 2019 - CJ
Does anyone remember why you can't get
to heaven in a Model T?
Dec 26, 2019 - Cecilia
I don't know about Model T but I clearly remember singing this on
a school bus on way to a Fatima Pilgramage in Portugal. Don't
know to Model T but re Ford 16 I recall"No you cannot get to
heaven on a Ford 16 cos' the Lord ain't got no gasoline and I
ain't going to grieve...."
Jun 30, 2024 - Paul V
My scout troop, 251, was based out of northeast Philly and we
used to sing, “you can’t get to heaven on the Frankford el
because the Frankford el goes right to ….. Frankford.”
Scouting 2024 - Ask a Question - Add Content
Just for Fun: Socializing merit badge
This site is not officially associated with Scouting America
Find more Scouting Resources at www.BoyScoutTrail.com
Follow Me, Scouts
Recent Comments