There's Nothing I'd Rather Be Song

This Song is meant for Scouts BSA.
Decide for yourself if it is appropriate for your younger scouts or not.

I'm glad I am a [camper, boy scout, teenager, ..., whatever your group is], there's nothing I'd rather be
But if I weren't a [camper,...], ......

1. A bird watcher I would be -
   Hark a lark, flying through the park, SPLAT!
2. A plumber I would be
   Plunge it, flush it, look out below!
3. A mermaid I would be
   Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop!
4. A carpenter I would be
   Two by four, two by four, nail it to the floor! OUCH!
   [or] Bang, Bang, Smack, Smack, Show a little butt crack.
5. A teacher I would be
   Sit down, shut up, throw away your gum!
6. A flight attendant I would be
   Coffee, tea, or me, sir; here's your little bag. BLEH!
7. A typist I would be
   Ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ZING!
8. A hippie I would be
   Love and peace, my hair is full of grease!
   [or] Hey Man! Cool Man! Far out! Wow!
   {or] Peace! Love! Here comes the fuzz!
9. A farmer I would be
   Here's a cow, there's a cow, and here's another yuck!
   [or] Give, Bessy, give, the baby's gotta live!
10. A laundry worker I would be
    Starchy here, starchy there, starchy in your underwear!
11. A cashier I would be
    Twenty nine, forty nine, here's your change, sir!
12. A gym teacher I would be
    Push ups, Sit ups, Run another lap!
13. A medic I would be
    Turn around, drop your pants, jab, jab, jab!
14. An electrician I would be
    Positive, negative, bbzzzzt -ZAP!
15. A fireman I would be
    Jump lady, jump... whoa splat!
16. A cook I would be
    Mix it, bake it; heartburn-BURP!
17. A ice cream maker I would be
    Tutti-frutti, tutti-frutti, nice ice cream!
18. A politician I would be
    Raise the taxes, lower the pay, vote for me on election day!
19. A butcher I would be
    Chop it up, grind it up, make a little patty!
20. A garbage collector I would be
    Lift it, dump it, pick out the good stuff
    [or] Pile that garbage. Pile that garbage. Pile it to the sky.
21. A [Domino's] pizza maker I would be
    30 minute, fast delivery!
22. A clam digger I would be
    Dig one here, dig one there-Oh my frozen derriere!
23. Superman I would be
    It's a bird, it's a plane, where is Lois Lane?
24. Lois Lane I would be
    Superman, Superman, what a dreamy man!
25. A cyclist I would be
    peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle; ring, ring, ring!
26. A house cleaner I would be
    Ooh, a bug; squish it in the rug!
27. A baby I would be
    Mama, Dada, I wuv you!
28. A Preacher I would be
    Well, well, you never can tell; you might go to heaven, or you might go to ...
29. A DJ I would Be,
    Miles of smiles on the radio dial.
30. A Stewardess I would be,
    Here's your coffee, here's your tea. Here's your paper bag - Blaaah!
31. A Baker I would be,
    Donuts! Eclairs! Buy My Buns!
32. A Lifeguard I would be,
    Save yourself, Man. I'm working on my tan!
    [or] Swim Jimmy swim, I'm not getting in!
    [or] Mouth to Mouth Resuscitate, What a way to get a date.
33. A Lawyer I would be,
    Honest. I swear, My client wasn't there
34. An Engineer, I would be,
    Push the button, push the button, kick the darn machine.
35. A munchkin I would be,
    Follow the road, follow the road, follow the yellow brick road.
36. A Ranger I would be,
    Get eaten by a bear, see if I care.
37. A Scoutmaster I would be,
    Do this, do that, Where's my coffee at?
    [or] Do this, do that, Doughnuts make me fat.
38. An SPL I would be,
    Do this, do that, I think I'll take a nap.
39. A doctor I would be
    Take a pill; pay my bill! I'm going golfing!
    [or] Needle! Thread! Stick 'em in the head!
40. A banker I would be,
    Cash the check, what the heck, I'm going golfing.
41. A Grandma I would be
    Don't cry, here's some pie, brave little guy!
42. A chef I would be,
    French toast, fried chicken, what the heck is that?
43. A bus driver I would be,
    Swerve, Skid, I almost hit a kid.
44. An ambulance driver I would be,
    Scrape 'em off the pavement, put 'em in a bag.
45. A grave digger I would be,
    Six feet down, plant 'em in the ground.
46. A grave robber I would be,
    Six feet up, chuck 'em in the truck.
47. A policeman I would be,
    Bang, Bang, Bang, stop or I'll shoot.
48. A hobo I would be,
    Money please, money please, Hey I found a quarter.
49. A boxer I would be,
    Left jab, right jab, upper hook, cross.
50. A statue (or fence post or tree) I would be,
    (just stand stock still).
51. A priest I would be,
    Hallelujah, amen, pass the plate around again.
52. A storm I would be,
    Thunder, lightning, very very frightening!
53. A ballerina I would be,
    Spin! Twirl! I think I'm gonna hurl!
54. A pizza man I would be,
    Make a da pizza, make a da pie, choppa da onions and make a me cry