Doctor! Skit

This Skit is meant for Scouts BSA.
Decide for yourself if it is appropriate for your younger scouts or not.

two or three scouts

One scout could play the 'nurse' and the 'doctor'. Two scouts that memorize the whole skit and pop from joke to joke really make it work.

Patient: I can't figure out why my nose runs and my feet smell.
My last doctor said I'm paranoid. Well, he didn't actually say it, but I could tell he was thinking it.
So, I'm going to see a new doctor.
(walks up to Nurse)

Patient: Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Nurse: Have you seen a doctor?
Patient: No, just spots.
Patient: I brought my son in two hours ago because he swallowed a silver dollar. What's his status?
Nurse: No change yet.
Patient: Well, let me see the doctor.
(walks over to Doctor)

Patient: Doctor! I feel like a set of curtains.
Doctor: Pull yourself together, man!
Patient: Doctor! I've got insomnia.
Doctor: Don't lose any sleep over it!
Patient: Doctor! I have weird dreams that I'm invisible.
Doctor: I can't see you now. Please come back tomorrow.
Patient: Doctor! I feel like killing myself and I need your help. What should I do?
Doctor: Pay in advance.
Patient: Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!
Doctor: You'll just have to be a little patient.
Patient: Doctor! Everyone keeps ignoring me.
Doctor: Next!
Patient: Doctor! My back feels like a deck of cards!
Doctor: I'll deal with you later.
Patient: Doctor! I feel awful again. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: Oh, you've had this before?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, you've got it again!
Patient: My friend's doctor told him he had appendicitis. Two weeks later, my friend died of heart failure.
Doctor: Don't worry. If I tell you you've got appendicitis, you'll die from appendicitis!

Patient: Doctor! I need this rusty nail removed from my foot. How long will it take and how much will it cost?
Doctor: $300 and about 5 minutes.
Patient: $300!?! For five minutes work?
Doctor: Well, I can do it slower if you'd like.

Patient: Doctor! What's wrong? You look puzzled.
Doctor: I can't figure what's wrong with you but I think it's the result of heavy drinking.
Patient: OK, I'll just come back when you're sober.