The Tune:

Hello muddah, hello faddah 
Here I am at Camp Granada 
Camp is very entertaining 
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining. 
 
I went hiking with Joe Spivy.
He developed poison ivy.
You remember Leonard Skinner 
He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.
 
All the counselors hate the waiters
And the lake has alligators 
And the head coach wants no sissies 
So he reads to us from something called Ulysses. 
 
Now I don't want this should scare ya 
But my bunkmate has malaria. 
You remember Jeffrey Hardy 
They're about to organize a searching party. 
 
Take me home, oh muddah, fadduh 
Take me home, I hate Granada!
Don't leave me out in the forest 

Where I might get eaten by a bear.

Take me home, I promise I will not make noise,
Or mes the house with other boys.
Oh, please don't make me stay,
I've been here one whole day.

Dearest fadduh, darling muddah,
How's my precious little bruddah?
Let me come home, if you miss me
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.
 
Wait a minute, it's stopped hailing. 
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing 
Playing baseball, gee that's bettah 
Muddah, faddah kindly disregard this letter!


Follow On version
 
Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh. 
I am back at Camp Granada. 
And I'm writing you this letter 
Just to say my compound fracture's getting better. 
 
No one here knows where my trunk is 
And my bunk is where the skunk is. 
And this year the food's improving 
'Cause the little black things in it are not moving.  
 
Our camp nurse is quite a swimmer.  
She says swimming makes you slimmer. 
Her name's Mrs. Balagreeni. 
Have you ever seen a whale in a bikini? 
 
All our bathrooms have such thin doors. 
Gee, I wish they'd move them indoors. 
We're all tired of Mother Goose here. 
So next Friday night they're having Lenny Bruce here.  
 
Let me stay, oh Muddah, Fadduh. 
Let me stay, I love Granada. 
Every night the camp fire's really keen. 
Oh mom, please send some Ovaltine. 
 
Let me stay, out here in mother nature's land 
And tip-toe through the tulips grand. 
To leave would be a shame. 
Besides, I'd miss the poker game.  
 
Please don't worry, Fadduh, Muddah. 
I'll take care of little brudda. 
He plays ball here and he rows here 
And I hope they teach him how to blow his nose here. 
 
He wakes up at half past six and 
Goes directly to the quick sand. 
He was lonely, now he's better. 
He's like all of us except his bed is wetter.