Who's the Scoutmaster? Skit
This Skit is meant for Boy Scouts.
Decide for yourself if it is appropriate for your younger scouts or not.
Decide for yourself if it is appropriate for your younger scouts or not.
Script:
#1: Well, Michael, welcome to our Troop, I'm going to be your Patrol Leader.
#2: Look, Ralph, if you're the Patrol Leader, you must know all the members of this troop.
#1: I certainly do.
#2: Well, you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know everybody.
#1: Well, let's see. We can start with the leaders, Who's the Scoutmaster, What's the Senior Patrol Leader, I Don't Know the Advancement Chairman...
#2: That's what I want to find out.
#1: I said, Who's the Scoutmaster, What's SPL, I Don't Know's the Advancement Chair.
#2: Are you a Patrol Leader?
#1: Yes.
#2: And you don't know the fellows' names.
#1: Well, I should.
#2: Well, then, who's the Scoutmaster?
#1: Yes.
#2: I mean the fellow's name.
#1: Who.
#2: The Scoutmaster.
#1: Who.
#2: The man who leads the troop.
#1: Who.
#2: The guy that signs off in your book...
#1: Who is the Scoutmaster!
#2: I'm asking you who's the Scoutmaster.
#1: That's the man's name.
#2: That's who's name?
#1: Yes.
#2: Well, go ahead and tell me.
#1: That's it.
#2: That's who?
#1: Yes.
#2: Look, you have a Scoutmaster?
#1: Certainly.
#2: Who is it?
#1: That's right.
#2: When you get your Blue Card signed, who signs it?
#1: Every time.
#2: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name that's the Scoutmaster.
#1: Who.
#2: The guy that signs...
#1: That's it.
#2: Who signs the Blue...
#1: He does, every one. Sometimes his assistant signs it.
#2: Who's assistant?
#1: Yes.
#1: What's wrong with that?
#2: Look, all I wanna know is, when the Scoutmaster signs your Blue Card, how does he sign his name?
#1: Who.
#2: The guy.
#1: Who.
#2: How does he sign...
#1: That's how he signs it.
#2: Who?
#1: Yes.
#2: All I'm trying to find out is what's the name of the Scoutmaster.
#1: No. What is the Senior Patrol Leader.
#2: I'm not asking you who's the Senior Patrol Leader.
#1: Who's the Scoutmaster.
#2: One leader at a time!
#1: Well, don't change the leaders around.
#2: I'm not changing anybody!
#1: Take it easy, buddy.
#2: I'm only asking you, who's the guy that's the Scoutmaster?
#1: That's right.
#2: Ok.
#1: All right.
#2: What's the guy's name right there? (pointing to the SM)
#1: No. What is the Senior Patrol Leader.
#2: I'm not asking you who's SPL.
#1: Who's the Scoutmaster.
#2: I don't know.
#1: He's Advancement Chairman. We're not talking about him.
#2: Now, how did I get to the Advancement Chair?
#1: Why, you mentioned his name.
#2: If I mentioned the Advancement Chairman's name, who did I say it was?
#1: No. Who's the Scoutmaster.
#2: What's the Scoutmaster?
#1: What's the SPL.
#2: I don't know.
#1: He's the Advancement Chair.
#2: There I go, back to the Advancement Chairman again!
#2: Would you just stay with the Advancement Chairman and don't go off of him.
#1: All right. What do you want to know?
#2: Now, who's the Advancement Chairman?
#1: Why do you insist on putting Who as the Advancement Chair?
#2: What am I putting as Advancement Chair?
#1: No. What is the SPL.
#2: You don't know who's the SPL?
#1: Who is the Scoutmaster.
#2: I don't know.
Together: Advancement Chair!
#2: Look, you have other leaders?
#1: Sure.
#2: The Quartermaster's name?
#1: Why.
#2: I just thought I'd ask you.
#1: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
#2: Then tell me who's the Quartermaster.
#1: Who's the Scoutmaster.
#2: I'm not...stay out of the Adult Leaders!!! I want to know what's the guy's name of the Quartermaster?
#1: No, What is the SPL.
#2: I'm not asking you who's SPL.
#1: Who's the Scoutmaster!
#2: I don't know.
Together: Advancement Chair!
#2: The Quartermaster's name?
#1: Why.
#2: Because!
#1: Oh, he's Crew Chief.
#2: Look, you got a Scribe in this troop?
#1: Sure.
#2: The Scribe's name?
#1: Tomorrow.
#2: You don't want to tell me today?
#1: I'm telling you now.
#2: Then go ahead.
#1: Tomorrow!
#2: What time?
#1: What time what?
#2: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's the Scribe?
#1: Now listen. Who is not the Scribe.
#2: I'll break your arm if you say who's the Scoutmaster!!! I want to know what's the Scribe's name?
#1: What's the SPL.
#2: I don't know.
Together: Advancement Chair!
#2: You got an Assistant Senior Patrol Leader?
#1: Certainly.
#2: The ASPL's name?
#1: Today.
#2: Today. And tomorrow's the Scribe.
#1: Now you've got it.
#2: All we got is a couple of days in this troop.
#2: You know I'm Star too.
#1: So they tell me.
#2: I need some merit badges for Life. I get a Blue Card and a councilor's name from I Don't Know. Being a good Scout, I'm gonna get the Scoutmaster's signature. So I pick up the blue card and bring it to who?
#1: Now that's the first thing you've said right all night.
#2: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
#1: That's all you have to do.
#2: Is to bring the Blue Card to the Scoutmaster?
#1: Yes!
#2: Now who's got it?
#1: Naturally.
#2: Look, if I bring the Blue Card to the Scoutmaster, somebody's gotta have it. Now, who has it?
#1: Naturally.
#2: Who?
#1: Naturally.
#2: Naturally?
#1: Naturally.
#2: So I pick up the Blue Card and bring it to Naturally.
#1: No, you don't. You pick up the Blue Card and bring it to Who.
#2: Naturally.
#1: That's different.
#2: That's what I said.
#1: You're not saying it...
#2: I bring the Blue Card to Naturally.
#1: You bring it to Who.
#2: Naturally.
#1: That's it.
#2: That's what I said!
#1: You ask me.
#2: I bring the Blue Card to who?
#1: Naturally.
#2: Now you ask me.
#1: You bring the Blue Card to Who?
#2: Naturally.
#1: That's it.
#2: Same as you! Same as YOU!!!
I bring the Blue Card to who. Who picks up the card signs it and gives it to What. What gives it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know signs it and gives it back to Who. Signed Blue Card! Another guy brings his Blue Card to Because. Why? I don't know! He's the Advancement Chair, and I don't give a darn!
#1: What?
#2: I said I don't give a darn!
#1: Oh, that's our Committee Chairman.
#2: Look, Ralph, if you're the Patrol Leader, you must know all the members of this troop.
#1: I certainly do.
#2: Well, you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know everybody.
#1: Well, let's see. We can start with the leaders, Who's the Scoutmaster, What's the Senior Patrol Leader, I Don't Know the Advancement Chairman...
#2: That's what I want to find out.
#1: I said, Who's the Scoutmaster, What's SPL, I Don't Know's the Advancement Chair.
#2: Are you a Patrol Leader?
#1: Yes.
#2: And you don't know the fellows' names.
#1: Well, I should.
#2: Well, then, who's the Scoutmaster?
#1: Yes.
#2: I mean the fellow's name.
#1: Who.
#2: The Scoutmaster.
#1: Who.
#2: The man who leads the troop.
#1: Who.
#2: The guy that signs off in your book...
#1: Who is the Scoutmaster!
#2: I'm asking you who's the Scoutmaster.
#1: That's the man's name.
#2: That's who's name?
#1: Yes.
#2: Well, go ahead and tell me.
#1: That's it.
#2: That's who?
#1: Yes.
#2: Look, you have a Scoutmaster?
#1: Certainly.
#2: Who is it?
#1: That's right.
#2: When you get your Blue Card signed, who signs it?
#1: Every time.
#2: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name that's the Scoutmaster.
#1: Who.
#2: The guy that signs...
#1: That's it.
#2: Who signs the Blue...
#1: He does, every one. Sometimes his assistant signs it.
#2: Who's assistant?
#1: Yes.
#1: What's wrong with that?
#2: Look, all I wanna know is, when the Scoutmaster signs your Blue Card, how does he sign his name?
#1: Who.
#2: The guy.
#1: Who.
#2: How does he sign...
#1: That's how he signs it.
#2: Who?
#1: Yes.
#2: All I'm trying to find out is what's the name of the Scoutmaster.
#1: No. What is the Senior Patrol Leader.
#2: I'm not asking you who's the Senior Patrol Leader.
#1: Who's the Scoutmaster.
#2: One leader at a time!
#1: Well, don't change the leaders around.
#2: I'm not changing anybody!
#1: Take it easy, buddy.
#2: I'm only asking you, who's the guy that's the Scoutmaster?
#1: That's right.
#2: Ok.
#1: All right.
#2: What's the guy's name right there? (pointing to the SM)
#1: No. What is the Senior Patrol Leader.
#2: I'm not asking you who's SPL.
#1: Who's the Scoutmaster.
#2: I don't know.
#1: He's Advancement Chairman. We're not talking about him.
#2: Now, how did I get to the Advancement Chair?
#1: Why, you mentioned his name.
#2: If I mentioned the Advancement Chairman's name, who did I say it was?
#1: No. Who's the Scoutmaster.
#2: What's the Scoutmaster?
#1: What's the SPL.
#2: I don't know.
#1: He's the Advancement Chair.
#2: There I go, back to the Advancement Chairman again!
#2: Would you just stay with the Advancement Chairman and don't go off of him.
#1: All right. What do you want to know?
#2: Now, who's the Advancement Chairman?
#1: Why do you insist on putting Who as the Advancement Chair?
#2: What am I putting as Advancement Chair?
#1: No. What is the SPL.
#2: You don't know who's the SPL?
#1: Who is the Scoutmaster.
#2: I don't know.
Together: Advancement Chair!
#2: Look, you have other leaders?
#1: Sure.
#2: The Quartermaster's name?
#1: Why.
#2: I just thought I'd ask you.
#1: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
#2: Then tell me who's the Quartermaster.
#1: Who's the Scoutmaster.
#2: I'm not...stay out of the Adult Leaders!!! I want to know what's the guy's name of the Quartermaster?
#1: No, What is the SPL.
#2: I'm not asking you who's SPL.
#1: Who's the Scoutmaster!
#2: I don't know.
Together: Advancement Chair!
#2: The Quartermaster's name?
#1: Why.
#2: Because!
#1: Oh, he's Crew Chief.
#2: Look, you got a Scribe in this troop?
#1: Sure.
#2: The Scribe's name?
#1: Tomorrow.
#2: You don't want to tell me today?
#1: I'm telling you now.
#2: Then go ahead.
#1: Tomorrow!
#2: What time?
#1: What time what?
#2: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's the Scribe?
#1: Now listen. Who is not the Scribe.
#2: I'll break your arm if you say who's the Scoutmaster!!! I want to know what's the Scribe's name?
#1: What's the SPL.
#2: I don't know.
Together: Advancement Chair!
#2: You got an Assistant Senior Patrol Leader?
#1: Certainly.
#2: The ASPL's name?
#1: Today.
#2: Today. And tomorrow's the Scribe.
#1: Now you've got it.
#2: All we got is a couple of days in this troop.
#2: You know I'm Star too.
#1: So they tell me.
#2: I need some merit badges for Life. I get a Blue Card and a councilor's name from I Don't Know. Being a good Scout, I'm gonna get the Scoutmaster's signature. So I pick up the blue card and bring it to who?
#1: Now that's the first thing you've said right all night.
#2: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
#1: That's all you have to do.
#2: Is to bring the Blue Card to the Scoutmaster?
#1: Yes!
#2: Now who's got it?
#1: Naturally.
#2: Look, if I bring the Blue Card to the Scoutmaster, somebody's gotta have it. Now, who has it?
#1: Naturally.
#2: Who?
#1: Naturally.
#2: Naturally?
#1: Naturally.
#2: So I pick up the Blue Card and bring it to Naturally.
#1: No, you don't. You pick up the Blue Card and bring it to Who.
#2: Naturally.
#1: That's different.
#2: That's what I said.
#1: You're not saying it...
#2: I bring the Blue Card to Naturally.
#1: You bring it to Who.
#2: Naturally.
#1: That's it.
#2: That's what I said!
#1: You ask me.
#2: I bring the Blue Card to who?
#1: Naturally.
#2: Now you ask me.
#1: You bring the Blue Card to Who?
#2: Naturally.
#1: That's it.
#2: Same as you! Same as YOU!!!
I bring the Blue Card to who. Who picks up the card signs it and gives it to What. What gives it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know signs it and gives it back to Who. Signed Blue Card! Another guy brings his Blue Card to Because. Why? I don't know! He's the Advancement Chair, and I don't give a darn!
#1: What?
#2: I said I don't give a darn!
#1: Oh, that's our Committee Chairman.
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