This Song is meant for Boy Scouts.
Decide for yourself if it is appropriate for your younger scouts or not.

The Tune: (The verses match My Bonnie just fine. But, the chorus is different.)

I have a sad story to tell you
It may hurt your feelings a bit
Last night when I walked into my bathroom
I stepped in a pile of ...

Chorus (repeat after every verse):
Shaving cream, be nice and clean.
Shave everyday and you'll always look keen.

I think I'll break off with my girlfriend
Her antics are queer I'll admit
Each time I say, 'Darling, I love you'
She tells me that I'm full of ...

Our baby fell out of the window
You'd think that her head would be split
But good luck was with her that morning
She fell in a barrel of ...

An old lady died in a bathtub
She died from a terrible fit
In order to fulfill her wishes
She was buried in six feet of ...

When I was in France with the army
One day I looked into my kit
I thought I would find me a sandwich
But the darn thing was loaded with ...

And now, folks, my story is ended
I think it is time I should quit
If any of you feel offended
Stick your head in a barrel of ...

---

Many more verses...
Our leader says Clean is a virtue,
On his face you will see not one zit.
Instead of washing with soap and hot water,
He scrubs with a handful of ...

Last Saturday I went out hiking,
I like to keep physically fit,
But when I stopped for a rest break,
My boots were all covered with ...

Let's have a cheer for the camp staff,
They're definitely our favorite!
But, every night at the campfire
They lead us and sing just like ...

I thought I would make me some tie-dyes
And bought lots of colors for it.
But after I dyed all my T-shirts
They all were the color of ...

Our leader made us all breakfast
I asked him what food was in it.
He laughed as he gave me a spoonful
And said it was rice, beans, and ...

Our 4th day of hiking at Philmont
We were dehydrated a bit
We'd heard that Ponil had cold root beer
But all that they gave us was...

We'd all just descended Mt. Baldy
Our stomachs a bottomless pit
We just wanted Probars and jerky
But Baldy Town made us do ...

While hiking, Joe spotted a black bear
He screamed like a girl cause of it
It left but Joe looked quite embarrassed
Then we noticed his pants filled with...

I asked to come out and play baseball
I'd just bought a new catchers mitt;
I asked you to throw me a fastball
but you threw me a big lump of ...

Once while I was at the ball game,
The batter smashed out a hit.
But while he was running for second,
He slipped in a big pile of ...

Last night we all had a big snowstorm,
And it's time to shovel, isn't it?
The only good thing about snow is,
It's better than shoveling ...

They built a big wall in East Berlin.
The biggest one that they could fit.
But I found out what that big wall was made of.
Well the whole thing was nothing but ...

Here we are in this fine health food restaurant.
I hate to be picking a nit.
But, waiter, I ordered your tofu,
And you brought me a plate full of ...

Here we are in this fancy French restruant,
And I hate to be picking a bit,
But I ordered creamed fishie-soi
And the waiter brought me a bowl of..

Here we are in this Mexican restaurant,
I hate to be picking a nit,
But waiter, I ordered 'El Burrito Supremo,'
And you brought me a plate full of ...

I am fed up with all politicians!
On Republicans and Democrats I spit!
They promise you peace and employment,
But give you more of the same ...

Our cars make a lot of pollution
Makes the air hard to breathe I'll admit
But if we all still rode on horses
Our streets would be covered in...

Our Christmas tree, it was so gorgeous,
So brightly and brilliantly lit,
And underneath were all of my presents!
Yeah, boxes and boxes of ...

I was laughing so hard at these lyrics,
I thought that my sides they would split,
I stopped laughing just now, however
'Cause my pants just filled up with my ...

I went swimming in Lake Kukamunga
I thought I would cool off a bit
But when I stepped out of the water
My body was covered in ...

I bought a computer by mail...
It arrived at my door in a kit.
But although I followed instructions,
I ended up with a box full of ...

My program was nearly completed,
In 640K it did fit,
But then I wrote 'just one more feature,'
And my program was blown all to ...

I went out last night to the opera,
I thought I'd relax for a bit.
But when I sat down in my box seat
I found it was covered with ...

My in-laws came over to visit,
But left in a terrible snit
Because I suggested for dinner
That they should have plates full of ...

My wife put a sack in the garden,
I'm curious I will admit,
One morning I sneaked out a handful,
I found it was nothing but ...


I went for a walk cross the pasture
Got tired and wanted to sit
But when I sat down on my bottom
I sat in a pile of ...

There was a young fellow from Sparta,
who could flatulate ballads and airs,
He could blow out a Mozart sonata,
and accompany musical chairs;
One day he attempted an opera -
it was hard, but he just wouldn't quit -
With his head held aloft, he suddenly coughed -
and collapsed in a mountain of ...

I know that these verses are scanty,
the rhyme seems too much for my wit,
I start out like Shakespeare and Dante,
but somehow I end up with ...

---

My father was a lavatory cleaner,
He worked all day long in the pit
And when he came home in the evening
He'd be covered all over in ...

Now some say he died of a fever
And some say he died of a fit,
But I know what my father died of:
He died of the smell of the ...

Now some say he's buried in gravel
And some say he's buried in grit,
But I know where my father is buried:
He's buried in six feet of ...

And some say he left me a fortune,
While some say he left me a bit,
But I know what my father left me:
No more than a bucket of ...