Cub Scout and Boy Scout Skits


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3 Vs. 1000

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 scouts
Script:This can be done as a story or a skit.

Three scouts limp and stumble onstage. They are soldiers that have just survived a horrific battle.

Ad-libbing the entire conversation works better than memorized lines, but should go something like this...
1: What a battle!
2: What amazing odds! And, to think we survived!
3: Yeah, THREE against A THOUSAND - simply amazing!
1: We never should have attempted it. THREE against A THOUSAND and we're still here to tell about it.
2: That's enough fighting for me. I'm retiring from the army. Fighting THREE against A THOUSAND has completely worn me out.
3: Me too. I think we've made a name for ourselves. THREE against A THOUSAND - I still can't believe it!
1: OK, I'll quit too. You know, those were the toughest THREE guys I've ever fought against!

Watch the monologue




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38 Over the Cliff

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts
Script:Scene: One scout is standing at the top of a high cliff, peering down over the edge.

Scout 1: 38, 38, 38, 38, ...
Scout 2: (walks up behind first scout ) Hey, be careful there! What are you doing?
Scout 1: Take a look! There's 38 of 'em down there!
Scout 2: (peers over the edge) 38? 38 what? I don't see anything.
(Scout 1 gives him a gentle push on the back, just enough to send him over the edge.)
Scout 1: 39, 39, 39, ...

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Art or Not

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:at least 3 scouts
Script:(Two scouts walk onstage together, gazing around at imaginary paintings)
Scout #1: What a terrific art show this year!
Scout #2: Yes, the quality of the paintings is simply magnificent!
Scout #1: It will be so difficult to judge the winner. But, I do like this one here.
Scout #2: I agree, it is wonderful. But, see this one? It's at least as impressive.
(they can go on admiring indiviudal paintings, or have more scouts in the conversation)

Scout #1: Oh My! LOOK AT THIS!
Scout #2: (gasping for breath) Astounding! Amazing! So vivid!
Scout #1: This is OBVIOUSLY the winner, no doubt about it.
Scout #2: Absolutely! None compare to this masterpiece.

(scout #3 comes up behind them and points at the painting)
Scout #3: Hey, that's mine!
Scout #1: You are the most brilliant painter ever!
Scout #2: A painter like you has never been seen before!
Scout #3: What? I'm no painter. I'm the janitor and that's the rag I use to clean the floor after all the artists finish painting for the day. Now, give it back!
(he tears it off the wall and walks away)


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Banana Bandana

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:a bandana†
a banana
Notes:The whole skit has a premise of mistaking 'banana' for 'bandana'.
Script:magician: Hello, everyone! Welcome to the Great Mystero's Amazing Magical Bonanza! For my first trick, I need a volunteer to help me make a bandana disappear. (looking around, he choose a planted 'volunteer' that has a banana inside his shirt or pocket)
The volunteer walks up onstage.
magician: Thank you for helping me. For this trick, you can not watch me so let's stand back to back.
magician: Now, you will need a bandana for this trick - do you have one or do you need to borrow one of mine?
volunteer: (reaching in his shirt and pulling out a banana and holding it high for the audience to see) No, I brought my own. I'm ready!
magician: (open bandana and wave it around) OK, first of all, open your bandana.
volunteer: (peels banana) OK, it's open.
magician: OK, now, fold it.
volunteer: (folds banana in half) OK.
magician: Now, fold it again.
volunteer: Again?
magician: Yes, again!
volunteer: (folds banana again) OK.
magician: Now, twist the banana as tightly as you can.
volunteer: (twists banana into mush squeezing out his fingers) OK.
magician: (holding his hand out to the side toward the audience) OK, now slap the bandana into my open hand and it will disappear!
volunteer: Gladly! (squashes the banana into the magician's hand and then walks offstage)

Now the magician can look disgusted at the banana or as a better ending, sticking to the saying 'The Show Must Go On', he can shove the banana mush into his mouth, show his empty hand that it is gone, and take a deep bow!


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Be Prepared

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 scouts
airhorn or siren or even trashcan lids to make a startling loud noise.
Preparation:have one scout in the back of the audience by the last part of the skit.
Notes:This skit fills in between other skits. You need to arrange it with the program leader so he does not announce it as a skit and understands how it works.
Script:First scout seriously walks to center stage, makes the scout sign and waits for silence. When it is fairly quiet, he loudly proclaims "Be Prepared!" and then walks offstage.
Another skit or announcement or song.

Second scout walks to center stage, raises scout sign and waits for silence. When quiet, proclaims "Be Prepared!" and walks off.
Another skit.

Third scout does the same thing.
Another skit.

All three scouts walk center stage and hold up the sign. The fourth scout needs to be in back of audience ready to make noise. When the scouts lower their signs, he blows the horn hopefully startling the audience.
All three scouts say, "We told you to BE PREPARED!"

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Bear Attack

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 or more scouts
Script:2 scouts are camping out, but only have a one-man tent. They argue about who should sleep inside and finally one winds up laying down 'inside' and the other 'outside'. They fall asleep.

A group (2 or 3 scouts) of bears, thugs, or trolls wander by and see the sleeping scout. They rush up and beat on him for a couple seconds and then run off stage.

The scout gets up, hobbles to his buddy, explains he was just attacked, and pleads to change places. The other scout won't switch and tells him to go back to sleep.

Once settled down, the bears come back and beat on him again. Again, he pleads with buddy to trade. This time, he agrees to switch places. (Can repeat once more if its going well.)

After they settle down, the bears come back again. Just as they are going to start beating on the scout outside, one stops and says 'Hey, we've beat this guy up enough - let's get the guy in the tent!!'.

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Big and Strong Like You

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Notes:The 'Hero' in this skit can be anyone your group recognizes as big and strong - football star, president, cubmaster, ...
Script:Arnold Schwarznegger (Hero) is standing center stage, hands on hips, looking like he is important and in charge.

Boy: Mr. Schwarznegger, how can I become as big and strong as you?

Arnold: Hmmm, let me see. OK, I will share a secret with you. Go home and rub oil on your head every day for one week.

Boy: Wow, Thank you! (exits)

Boy: (enters crouching down to be short) Arnold, Arnold, it didn't work! Now I'm even shorter than I was!

Arnold: Hmmm, that's strange. Well, go home and rub oil on your head every day for 2 weeks.

Boy: Well, OK (exits)

Boy: (enters crouching as low as he can) Arnold, Arnold, look at me! I'm shorter than ever!

Arnold: I don't understand. Did you do what I said?

Boy: Yes!

Arnold: What kind of oil did you rub on your head?

Boy: Crisco

Arnold: Crisco!?! That's not oil! That's SHORTENING!!!


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Brains for Sale

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts
Script:AAA, BBB, and CCC are three scouts or groups of scouts, with CCC being the one you are kidding. For example, Freshmen, Juniors, and Seniors. Or, Boys, Girls, and Adult Leaders. Or, Patrol 1, Patrol 2, Patrol 3.

Scout 1: Brains for Sale! Brains for Sale!
Scout 2: Hey, I need some brains. How much are those there? (pointing)
Scout 1: Let's see... This is a jar of [AAA] brains - that's $20/pound.
Scout 2: No thanks, how about those?
Scout 1: Hmmm, ... $30/pound. Those are [BBB, ...] brains. That's a good buy!
Scout 2: Well, do you have any others?
Scout 1: (look under counter) Ah-ha! Here's a small jar of some very special brains. But, they're $50,000/pound!
Scout 2: $50,000!!!! Why so much?
Scout 1: These are [CCC] brains - do you have any idea how many [CCC] it takes to fill a small jar like this?!!

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Brains for Sale - Version 2

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts
Script:AAA, BBB, and CCC are three scouts or groups of scouts, with CCC being the one you are kidding. For example, Freshmen, Juniors, and Seniors. Or, Boys, Girls, and Adult Leaders. Or, Patrol 1, Patrol 2, Patrol 3.

Scout 1: Brains for Sale! Brains for Sale!
Scout 2: Hey, I need a brain. How much is that one? (pointing)
Scout 1: Let's see... This is a [AAA] brain - that's $20.
Scout 2: No thanks, how about that one?
Scout 1: Hmmm, ... $30. That's a [BBB] brain. That's a good buy!
Scout 2: Well, do you have any others?
Scout 1: (look under counter) Ah-ha! Here's a very special brain. But, it's $50,000!
Scout 2: $50,000!!!! Why so much?
Scout 1: That's a [CCC] brain - brand new, never been used!

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Bravest Scout in the World
A Favorite Skit

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:Leader (the victim)
4 to 10 scouts
A trophy
materials for simple costumes for dracula, mummy, werewolf would be a plus.
Preparation:Give the trophy to the unsuspecting Leader telling him that you'll ask him to present it to the scout after this skit.
Have BILLY the brave scout sitting in the audience.
Have all the other scouts offstage.
Script:MC: Scouts, Parents, and Guests - welcome. We have with us today a very special scout. Billy, please come up here. This young man has proven his bravery through trials and challenges most of us would never dream of let alone live through.
Billy is afraid of nothing! He has traveled through Transylvania during a full moon, camped out alone in a cemetery, and even kissed a girl once!

MC: I'm sure some of you probably don't believe anyone could be so brave so I've rounded up some of the most gruesome monsters that have ever walked the face of the earth. Billy will demonstrate his bravery for you.

MC: Here comes DRACULA - a blood-thirsty fiend from the old country!
(Dracula glides up to Billy and raises his arms about to attack.)
(Billy smiles and shakes his hand.)
(Dracula dejectedly shuffles off behind Billy while werewolf is coming on.)
MC: And now, a foul werewolf from England - a ferocious beast of the night!
(Werewolf charges in, growling and clawing the air.)
(Billy yawns as he looks at the werewolf.)
(werewolf whimpers away behind Billy as mummy comes in.)
MC: The mummy! an undead creature from Egypt!
(Mummy walks in with arms straight ahead, groaning and mumbling.)
(Billy checks his wristwatch and looks bored.)
(mummy shuffles away as next monster comes in.)

You can use zombie, King Kong, Gollum, ... but Billy is friendly or bored with them all.
Finally all the monsters are gathered behind Billy.

MC: As you can see, nothing scares this bravest of scouts, not even the most hideous monsters of the world. And, to recognize Billy's bravery, our leader, Mr. ______, will now present him with a small trophy. Good job, Billy!

(Billy needs to keep looking out at the audience and smiling. As the leader gets close to him and holds out the trophy, Billy turns from the audience to look at him. Then with a terrified look on his face he runs away from the leader screaming. All the monsters and MC also run away yelling, screaming, and moaning as they leave the stage.)

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Broken Finger

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts
Script:Scout #1: Hey, Johnny, you're good with first aid. I need your help.
Scout #2: OK, what's the problem?
Scout #1: When I touch my forehead with my finger, it really hurts. When I push on my jaw, it's also painful. When I press on my stomach, I almost cry. What can it be?
(does each thing as he says them, always pushing with the tip of the same finger)

(Scout #2 looks in his ears, listens to his heart, has him open his mouth, ...)
Scout #2: Man, I don't know. You'd better go see the doctor right away.
Scout #1: OK, I'll be right back.
(Scout #1 runs offstage and returns right back.)

Scout #2: So, what did the doctor say? What's wrong with you?
Scout #1: He says I have a broken finger.

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Brownie Pudding

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:A trash can, bowl or paper bag.
Sheet of paper with scribbling on it.
Brownies(optional)
Notes:This skit can be made even more gross by adding elements such as actually putting pudding into the bag or other container and then having last scout smear it on his face as he eats it.

You can use more or less scouts.
Script:Scout 1: I've been watching the food network lately, I have been inspired to cook.

Scout 2: Oh no, last time I tried your cooking I got sick.

Scout 1: I've gotten much better, I'll prove it. taste these brownies that I made.

Scout 2: (tastes brownie, throws up in bag, runs away)

Scout 3: What's up with him?

Scout 1: Nothing, want a brownie.

Scout 3: Sure. (tastes brownie, throws up in bag, runs away)

Scout 4: What happened to him?

Scout 1: He's, uh, fine. Taste a brownie.

Scout 4: Sure. (tastes brownie, throws up in bag, runs away)

Scout 1: I give up, I guess I wasn't meant to be a chef! (walks or runs away)

Scout 5: (walks in, sees sickness bag, looks at it, digs in) Mmmmmm, warm Brownie Pudding!


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Brushing Teeth

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 to 8 scouts
toothbrushes for each
2 cups
Preparation:Scout #1 has water in his cup. Last scout has a mouth full of water.
Notes:This is like the Earwashing Skit
Script:Scouts stand shoulder to shoulder facing audience, each with a toothbrush ready. Scout #1 on the left, Last scout on the right. #1 and Last each have a paper cup.†

Scout #1: On our last outing, our leader taught us how to keep our teeth clean AND conserve water. We're going to teach you so we can all help conserve water.†

Scout #1 takes a drink of water from his cup and brushes his teeth. He swishes the water around, then leans over to the next scout and pretends to spit it into his ear. He then says, 'Aaaaah, refreshing!' or some such thing.†

Next scout brushes, swishes, and spits. Continue on down the line to the last scout.†

The last scout (with a mouthful of water) brushes, swishes, and then spits a stream of water into his cup or out on the ground if outside.†


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Bubblegum

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 to 8 scouts
chair
Script:Scout walks onstage, sits down while pretending to chew gum. He takes his pretend gum out of his mouth, sticks it to the back of the chair, then walks off.
Next scout jogs onstage looking tired. He leans on the back of the chair with his hands and finds the gum on his hand. With a disgusted look, he wipes it off his hand onto the chair seat.
Next scout comes out and sits on the chair. After a few seconds, he tries to get up and notices the gum has him stuck. He peels it off and throws it on the ground.

(have as many scouts as you want come by and encounter the gum. A dog pees on it, a car drives over it, an old man's can gets stuck in it, ... )

Last scout walks across and steps on the gum, getting his foot stuck. He peels it off and, being a nice guy not wanting anyone else to step in it, sticks it to the back of the chair.
First scout comes back on, sits down, reaches back and finds his gum still there. He pops it in his mouth, starts chewing and walks offstage.

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Burning Schoolhouse

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:4 or more scouts
one adult leader (optional)
a cup for each scout
Script:Scouts are standing around talking center stage.
Old man runs up to them from the left.
Man: The school house is burning!
(points back to the left)
Scouts: (very excitedly) The school house is burning! The school house is burning!

(Scouts run offstage to the right. One scout comes running back across the stage to the left carrying a cup.
Second scout comes across with a cup while the first returns to the start. Scouts are running back and forth across the stage while the man stands there watching them.)

Scout : Hurry! Hurry! Itís burning faster!

(This continues so that one or two scouts are always crossing the stage area in each direction, urging each other to greater speed and to not spill the contents of the cup.)

(Finally the man stops one scout )
Man: Hey, you're never going to put out that fire with those little cups of water.
Scout: Water? This isnít water, itís gas!

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Can of Cola

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:one can of cola
one stool
Script:First scout brings in a stool, puts it down, leaves.

Next scout brings in a can of coka cola, puts it on the stool, leaves.

Next scout opens the can of coke, puts it back on the stool, leaves.

Next scout drinks the whole can of coke, leaves.

Next scout takes the can, leaves.

Next scout takes the stool, leaves.

Next scout comes in, does a really long burp, leaves.

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Can't Work in the Dark

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 or more scouts
Script:All scouts are center stage digging with shovels, raking, whatever manual labor they want.
One scout just stands there with his arm raised straight as if he were holding a torch in his hand.

(Boss walks onstage to survey the work being done. He sees the one guy not working and walks up to him.)
Boss: I'm paying you to work, not to just stand around. Why aren't you working?
Scout #1: I'm a lightbulb!
Boss: Get to work! When I come back, if you aren't working, you're fired!
(boss leaves and everyone continues to do the same things. Then, boss returns and sees scout still not working.)
Boss: That's it! You're fired! Get out!
(scout drops his arm and dejectedly exits stage. As soon as he drops his arm, the rest look around, stop working, and start to leave.)
Boss: Hey, why are you guys leaving? Get back to work!
Scout #2: How? We can't work in the dark!

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Cancer Operation

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 scouts, a tin can, knife, spoon, monkey wrench, tweezers, other items that you might want to ad-lib.
a table is helpful, a sheet is a good addition
Script:One scout is the patient laying on a table or on the floor. Drape the sheet over him as if he is ready for an operation. He needs to have the tin can hidden at his side away from the audience.

One scout, the Doctor, walks in with his hands held up as if he's just scrubbed for surgery. The other carries in all the tools. They lean over the patient.

Doctor: Is this the patient, sir?
Nurse: Yes, sir.
Doctor: Hmmmmmm, looks pretty bad.
Nurse: Can you save him, sir?
Doctor: Well, sir, I don't know. It'll be tough.
Nurse: What does he have, sir?
Doctor: It looks like a terrible cancer there, but I think we can do it. Knife!
Nurse: Knife, sir.
Doctor: Spoon!
Nurse: Spoon, sir.
Doctor: Oops, that's the liver.
Nurse: There's the bowels, sir. Pee-uuu!
Doctor: Yes, sir. Those sure smell. Aha, I've found the cancer. Monkey wrench!
Nurse: Monkey wrench, sir.
Doctor: Tweezers!
Nurse: Tweezers, sir.
Doctor: There, I've removed the cancer.
Nurse: Congratulations, sir. But, what should I do with the can, sir? (while holding up a tin can)


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Chicken Farmer

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 to 8 scouts
Preparation:One scout stage left - the chicken hatchery owner
Rest of scouts stage right - pretending to all be in a big truck. The driver is a chicken farmer and the rest are his men.
Script:Hatcheryman: (reading a newspaper) Alright! Price of chicken has gone up again. I expect I'll be selling lots of these chicks from my hatchery.
(truck drives up and stops a ways away. Driver walks over to hatcheryman.)
Chicken Farmer: Howdy, there. Is this Chattanooga Charlie's Chicken Hatchery?
Hatcheryman: Sure is, and I'm Charlie. What can I do for ya?
Chicken Farmer: Well, I've been farming beets and spuds for the past 10 years and just haven't been making any money. I read that chicken prices are going up so I'm gonna start farming chickens instead. I need me 10 dozen chicks to get started.
Hatcheryman: Great, that'll be $100. Have your men load em up from right here. (points behind him to imaginary boxes.)
Chicken Farmer: OK, men - load em up!
(other scouts scurry back and forth loading the truck. When they are done, the chicken farmer and men all drive away back offstage.)

Hatcheryman: (reading the newspaper.) Well, what's that I see coming down the road? Hey, its that new Chicken Farmer's truck. It's only been a week since he was here, I wonder what he wants?
Chicken Farmer: Howdy, Charlie. I need another 10 dozen chicks.
Hatcheryman: Well, you got in the business at the right time. Prices keep going up. That'll be $120 this time.
Chicken Farmer: (pays hatcheryman) OK, load em up.
(men load up the truck again and they drive off.)

Hatcheryman: (reading the newspaper.) Well, looky there! That Chicken Farmer's back. Now what?
Chicken Farmer: Howdy, Charlie. I need another 10 dozen chicks.
Hatcheryman: Man, you must have a pretty good size chicken farm going now. That's a lot of chicks.

Chicken Farmer: Well, I'm not too sure yet. I think I'm either planting them too deep or too close together 'cause they just aren't growing too fast.


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Chory of Stinderella or Rindercella

Intended for:All Scouts
Notes:This is just a monologue that is funny to listen to if it is memorized. There are many versions, and here are two of them.
Script:
Archie Campbell on HeeHaw - watch it

Once apon a time, in a coreign fountry, there lived a geautiful birl and her name was Rindercella. Now, Rindercella lived with her mugly other and two sad bisters. Also in this same coreign fountry, there was a very prandsome hince.

Now this prandsome hince was going to have a bancy fall. And he invited the people from riles amound, especially the pich reople.
Now Rindercella's mugly other and her two sad blisters, they went out to buy some drancy fesses to wear to this bancy fall. But Rindercella couldn't go because all she had to wear were some old rirty dags.
So, finally the night of the bancy fall arrived and Rindercella couldn't go, so she just cat down and shried. And she was kitten there shrien, when all at once there appeared before her, her gairy mudfather. And he touched her with his wagic mand ... and there appeared before her, a cig boach and hix white sorses to take her to the bancy fall. But he said, "Now, Rindercella, you be sure and be home before nidmight, or I'll purn you into a tumpkin!"

When Rindercella arrived at the bancy fall, this prandsome hince met her at the door because he had been watchin' all this time behind a wooden hindow. And Rindercella and the prandsome hince nanced all dight. And they lell in fove. And all at once, the mid clock struck night. And Rindercella staced down the rairs, and just as she beached the rottom, she slopped her dripper!

So, the next day this prandsome hince went all over this coreign fountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. Finally he came to Rindercella's house. Well, he tried it on her mugly other and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on her two sigly usters and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on Rindercella and it fid dit. It was exactly the sight rize!

So they got married and lived heverly after hapwards. Now, the storal of the mory is this: If you go to a bancy fall and you want to have a pransome hince loll in fove with you, don't forget to slop your dripper!



from The Scoutmaster's Assistant, Vol. II

Once upon a time, in a coreign funtry, there lived a geautiful birl, and her rame was Ninderella. Linderella cived with her mugly other and her two sad blisters.

In that same coreign funtry, there also lived a very prandsome hince, called Chince Parming. Chince Parming was going to have a bancy fall, and he'd invited all the people for riles amound, especially the pich reople.

Now Cinderella's mugly other and her two sad blisters went out and bought some drancy fesses to bear to the wancy fall. Rindercella wasn't allowed to go, so all she had to wear were wome rirty old dags.

Finally the bight of the nancy fall came, and the mugly other and the two sad blisters rode off in a cancy foach drawn by bour forces. Cinderella couldn't go, so she just cat down and scried.

As she was kitten there scrying, her gairy fodgather appeared! He touched her with his wagic mand, and she was instantly dressed in a geautiful bown of ghite and wold, with matching slass glippers! A kig boach and hix white sorses appeared to bake her to the tall. But the father godfairy warned her to be mome by hidnight, or the diss would resappear and the coach would purn into a tumpkin.

When Rindercella arrived at the bancy fall, Chince Parming met her at the door, for he had been watching from a widden hindow. Pinderella and the handsome chince nanced all dight, until nidmight, and they lell in fove.

Suddenly, the clock mid strucknight! Cinderella slaced down the rairs and ran away. But as she beached the rottom, she slopped her glass dripper.

The dext nay, Chince Parming went all over that coreign funtry, searching for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper, for he was fuch in move and fad to hind her. After a song learch, he came to Hinderella's souse. He tried the slass glipper on the mugly other, but it fidin't dit. He tried the slass glipper on the sin thigly uster, but it fidin't dit. He tried the slass glipper on the sat ugly fister, but it fidin't dit. Tinally, he tried the slass glipper on Cinderella, and it fid dit; it was exactly the sight rize. So Chince Parming and Cinderella were married and they hived lappily after everwards.

Now the storal of this mory is: if you ever go to a bancy fall and want a prandsome hince to lall in fove with you, don't forget to slop your dripper.

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Christmas with the Right Family

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:small gifts for every scout
Preparation:have all scouts stand in a circle, each with a wrapped gift.

Explain that you are going to read a story and every time the word Right is said, you pass your gift to the right and every time the word Left is said, you pass it to the left.
Script:Christmas was almost here and Mother RIGHT was finishing the Christmas baking. Father RIGHT, Sue RIGHT, and Billy RIGHT returned from their last minute Christmas errands.

"There's not much LEFT to be done," said Father RIGHT as he came into the kitchen. "Did you leave the basket of food at the church?" asked Mother RIGHT. "I LEFT it RIGHT where you told me to," said Father RIGHT.

"I'm glad my shopping is done," said Billy RIGHT. "I don't have any money LEFT." The telephone rang, and Sue RIGHT LEFT to answer it. She rushed back and told the family, "Aunt Tilly RIGHT LEFT a package for us RIGHT on Grandpa RIGHT's porch. I'll go over there RIGHT now and get it," she said as she LEFT in a rush.

Father RIGHT LEFT the kitchen and brought in the Christmas tree. By the time Sue RIGHT returned, Mother RIGHT , Father RIGHT , and Billy RIGHT had begun to decorate their tree. The entire RIGHT family sang carols as they finished the trimming. They LEFT all of the presents under the tree and went to bed hoping they had selected the RIGHT gifts for their family.

Now, I hope you have the RIGHT present for yourself because that's all that's LEFT of our story ... except to wish you a Magical Holiday ... isn't that RIGHT?

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Clean Silverware

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 to 10 scouts.
Some spoons, forks, and knives and bowls.
Preparation:1 scout is the Cook.
2 scouts are dogs crawling around his feet.
The rest are scouts coming to dinner.
Script:(scouts are spread out across stage doing things while the cook is stirring pots with his two dogs crawling around on the ground.)

Cook: Come and Get It!
(all the other scouts come running and line up in front of the cook to receive silverware and bowls of food.)
Scout #1: (when handed silverware) Wow! This spoon is sure clean for being out camping. How do you get them so clean?
Cook: Soapsuds and Scrubpad.
(cook hands him his bowl of food)

Scout #2: (when handed silverware) Wow! This fork is sure clean for being out camping. How do you get them so clean?
Cook: Soapsuds and Scrubpad.
(cook hands him his bowl of food)

(repeat for each scout. When the last scout gets his, the first scout just finishes his meal and brings his dirty dishes back.)
Scout #1: Thanks, Cookie.
Cook: (whistles and bends down with dishes to the ground offering them to the 2 dogs.) Here, Soapsuds! Here, Scrubpad!
(the dogs run over and start licking the bowl while the other scouts watch and get sick.)

(optional)
Cook: Always do your OWN dishes at camp!


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Clean Socks

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 scouts
a pile of socks
Script:Scout #1: (could be a leader instead) Hey, everybody! Our new socks have arrived! Come and get 'em!
[other scouts run onstage and line up to receive socks.]

Scout #1: OK, Johnny, how many socks do you need?
Scout #2: I need 2 pair.
Scout #1: Just two?
Scout #2: Yes, I wear one pair for a week while the other pair is in the dirty wash.
Scout #1: Yuch! Oh well, here you go.

Scout #3: I need 4 pair.
Scout #1: Why 4 pair?
Scout #3: I put on a fresh pair on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday.
Scout #1: Well, that's better than wearing them a whole week. Here you go.

Scout #4: I need 7 pair.
Scout #1: Great. I bet that's a fresh pair every day, right? [gives the socks]
Scout #4: Right!
Scout #1: That's what I like. A clean scout! Here you go.

Scout #5: 12 pair please!
Scout #1: 12!? Man, you must really be clean. Why 12 pair?
Scout #5: Well, there's January, February, March, ...

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Climbing Lightbeam

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:flashlight
Script:Scout #1: I can climb anything!
Scout #2: Can you climb that tree over there?
Scout #1: Simple. No challenge. I'm the best.

Scout #2: How about that cliff face?
Scout #1: Already did it, up and down.

Scout #2: How about the Eiffel Tower?
Scout #1: Been there, done that, had french fries at the top. There's nothing I can't climb.

Scout #2: Mount Everest?
Scout #1: Yep, that took a whole day since there was a raging blizzard. I told you I can climb anything.

Scout #2: I bet you 10 dollars I can show you something you can't climb.
Scout #1: Yeah, right. It's a bet.

Scout #2: (takes out a flashlight and shines it straight up into the air over the audience.)
Scout #1: Are you crazy? There's no way I'm climbing that!

Scout #2: Ha! I knew it. You can't climb it. Now, pay up!
Scout #1: I CAN climb it. But, I'm not stupid. You'd turn off the light when I'm halfway up!

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Clock Inspection

Intended for:All Scouts
Script:At least 5 scouts, but more if they want bit parts.

One scout is the Clock Inspector with a German accent.
One scout is the Clock Keeper.
The rest are lined up in a row as clocks.

Inspector: It is time to inspect your clocks.
Keeper: OK, right this way please.
(they walk up to first clock in line and the keeper winds it up.)
Clock #1: Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock.
Inspector: (making mark in his inspection sheet) Very good.
(they walk up to next clock in line and the keeper winds it up.)
Clock #2: Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock.
Inspector: (making mark in his inspection sheet) Very good.
(they walk up to next clock in line and the keeper winds it up. Continue for all the clocks except last one.)
(wind up last clock.)
Last Clock: Tick ___ Tick ___ Tick
Inspector: (grabs clock and hauls it away) Vee haf vays of making you Tock!

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Clothes from Eddie Bauer

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 to 9 scouts
Script:One scout stands center stage, passing the time.

As each scout walks past from stage left to right, he mentions part of their clothing and asks where they got it...

Scout #1: Hi, John. Nice shirt, where did you get it?
Scout #2: Thanks, I got it from Eddie Bauer.
(repeat for each scout walking by using shirt, hat, pants, shoes, belt, ...)

Finally, a scout walks by with a towel wrapped around his waist (with shorts underneath) and no shirt or shoes or socks.
Scout #1: Hey, who are you?
Last scout: I'm new here. My name's Eddie Bauer.

Some people prefer to use JC Penney or LL Bean for the brand name.

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Contagious Pregnancy

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 or more scouts
3 chairs
a beachball or basketball
Preparation:one scout is the receptionist for a doctor sitting at a chair behind a pretend desk.
2 chairs are set up in the waiting area.
Patients check in and then wait in the chairs.
Script:Receptionist: (picking up pretend phone.) Hello, Doctor SpongeBob's office. ... Yes, Mrs. Smith your appointment is for tomorrow at 4:00pm. Thank you. Good bye.
(in walks a patient and approaches receptionist.)
Patient #1: Hello. My stomach doesn't feel well. Can I see the doctor?
Receptionist: Certainly. It will be a couple minutes. Please have a seat.
(person sits and another patient walks in. This patient is holding his left arm in pain.)
Patient #2: Oooow. I think my arm is broken. Ooow. I've gotta see the doctor.
Receptionist: Please have a seat.
(patient sits next to other patient. After he sits down, patient #1's left arm flops limp off his lap and he lifts it back up with his right arm, in obvious pain. Patient #2 notices that his arm is miraculously feeling better so he gets up and leaves the office. Patient #1 now alternates between stomache and arm pain.)
(in walks patient #3)
Patient #3: I've got this twitch in my leg that won't go away. Can you help me?
Receptionist: Please take a seat.
(#2 sits down and the twitch migrates from his leg to #1's leg. #2 gets up and leaves joyously while #1 watches him leave. #1 is figuring out that he is getting the other patients' ailments.)

(#4 comes in.)
Patient #4: I've can't seem to keep my head up. My neck feels like rubber. Please help me.
Receptionist: Please take a seat.
(same thing happens. #1 gets the ailment. Continue this for whatever problems you come up with until the final one.)

(last patient walks into the waiting room with a ball under his shirt so he is a pregnant lady.)
Patient #1: (sees the pregnant lady. Jumps up and runs away hollering.)


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Dead Body

Intended for:All Scouts
Preparation:2 scouts
Script:Scene: One scout lying on the ground, dead. Second scout walks in, sees him, runs for the telephone and dials 911.

Panicking and gasping he says: 'Hello 911, there's a dead person here... '

'Where am I? I'm at Montgomery and Worchestshire.'

'You want me to spell it!?... Uh, M-o-t-n... Uh, M-o-t-g,' (confused)

'Just a minute, I'll drag him over to King and Elm!'

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Depressed Reporter

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 or 6 scouts
Script:First scout walks out to center stage looking depressed.
Scout 1: I'm a reporter. I have been for 12 years. And in all that time, I've never had a real scoop. Never. I'm a failure. I've done this long enough, so now I'm going to jump off this bridge and kill myself. One, two, ...

Scout 2: Wait! Wait! Why are you jumping?

Scout 1: I'm a failed reporter. I've never had a real scoop."

Scout 2: Oh. You think you have it bad, I'm a truck driver, and I've got hemmorroids. I think I'll join you.

Scout 1 & 2: One, two, ...

Scout 3: Wait! What are you all doing?
Scout 2: We're committing suicide.
Scout 3: Oh, I'm a grade school teacher. I just realized that I can't stand whiney little kids. I think I'll join you.

All: One, two, ...

Scout 4: Wait! What are you doing?
All: We're committing suicide.
Scout 4: Well I'm a florist, and I've got hayfever. sneeze! I think I'll join you.

All: One, two, ...

Scout 5: Wait! What are you doing?
All: We're committing suicide.
Scout 5: I'm a Park Ranger and I hate camping. I'll join you.

All: One! Two! Three!!! (They all jump, except for the reporter.)

Scout 1: Four people jump to their grisly deaths! What a scoop! (He runs offstage, scribbling furiously on his notepad.)


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Did You See That?

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 scouts
Script:Scene: 4 scouts on a hike. The last one in line is oblivious to the wonders of nature around him while the others are all noticing great things.

Scout 1: Wow! Did you see that?
(everyone else except the last scout says things like 'Wow, yeah. That was cool!')
Scout 4: What? Where? I missed it.
Scout 1: It was a huge fish - jumped 3 feet out of the water!
(keep hiking)
Scout 2: Wow! Did you see that?
(everyone else except the last scout says things like 'Wow, yeah. That was cool!')
Scout 4: What? Where? I missed it.
Scout 2: It was a bald eagle - had a 10 foot wingspan!
(keep hiking)
(now the last scout figures out he's looking dumb so he decides to play along even though he doesn't notice something)
Scout 3: Wow! Did you see that?
(everyone else except the last scout says things like 'Wow, yeah. That was cool!')
Scout 4: Uh, ... yeah. Amazing! Cool! (looks around searching for whatever it was they saw)
Scout 3: It was two bighorn sheep fighting!
(keep hiking)
Scout 1: Wow! Did you see that?
(everyone turns around and looks at the ground behind them and say 'wow. amazing. gosh.' the last scout joins in but is obviously searching around for whatever they saw.)
Scout 2: Then why did you step in it? It was the biggest, gooiest pile of bear scat I've ever seen!
(last scout looks at shoe and tries to wipe it off on the ground while all the others scatter away saying 'gross! yuch! pee-u!')


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Dirty Socks

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 scouts
1 large can full of water
4 coffee mugs
Preparation:Place the can in the center of the stage.
Script:Scout 1: (walks to can with his cup, dips it in and takes a drink) 'Yuch! This Camp Tea is awful!'

Scout 2: (walks to can with his cup, dips it in and takes a drink) 'Yuch! This Camp Coffee is terrible!'

Scout 3: (walks to can with his cup, dips it in and takes a drink) 'Yuch! This Camp Chocolate is disgusting!'

Scout 4: (walks to can, reaches in and pulls out pair of socks. Wrings them and says...) 'Aaah, they're finally clean!'

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Dirty Socks - Version 2

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 scouts
1 large can full of water
big spoon
socks or underwear†
Preparation:Place the can and spoon in the center of the stage with the socks in the can.
Script:Scout 1: (stirring pot) la-de-da. ... hmmm, I hear nature calling, gotta go. (exits stage left)
Scout 2: (enters stage right and walks to can. smells the aroma ) Mmmm, camp soup smells pretty good today. Cookie won't mind if I try it. (takes a sip with the spoon ) Boy, that's good. I can't wait for lunch!
Scout 3: (same thing) Mmm, good soup!
Scout 4: (same thing) Mmm, good soup!
Scout 1: (enters stage left. Stirs pot. ) La-de-da.
Scout 2,3,4: (enter stage right together) Hey, Cookie, great soup! Yeah, really flavorful! What kind of soup is it?
Scout 1: Soup? I'm not cooking soup! (as he lifts the socks high out of the pot with his spoon and wrings them out)

Other people ham it up by acting overly sick, of course. :-)


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Echos in the Woods

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts
1 leader
Preparation:One scout needs to hide outside the door to the room or in the dark away from the campfire.
Script:Leader: I was reading on the Internet the other day that many [wooded areas or rooms] like this one may have strange ECHOing capabilities. If you shout in just the right direction, the sounds can bounce around off the [trees/hills/walls] and come back. I've asked Bobby here to give me a hand in an experiment.
Leader: Bobby, could you please shout something out in that direction (points away from where other scout is hiding).
Bobby: (yells in that direction) "HELLO!"
Leader: Hmmm, not that way. Let's try this direction. (points towards where scout is hidden).
Bobby: HELLO!
Echo: HELLO! Hello! hello
Leader: Wow! It works! Hey, Bobby, yell something else out there.
Bobby: BALONEY!
Leader: Hey! That's not very nice. We don't use such language here, Bobby. Try saying something nicer, please.
Bobby: Ok, Ok, Sorry.
Bobby: [Leader's Name] is the best!
Echo: BALONEY! Baloney! baloney


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Elevator to Bathrooms

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 to 10 scouts
Preparation:One scout at center stage. He is the elevator operator in a department store with 5 floors. Other scouts off to the side of stage.
Notes:The idea is that people are boarding an elevator because they have to use the restrooms that are on the fifth floor. They really have to go by the time it arrives.

You can make the building taller if you want the skit to last longer and have more scouts.
Script:Operator: First Floor!
(1 person enters elevator).)
Scout #1: Fifth floor, please.
Operator: Yes, sir. We'll get there.
(operator closes door. passenger watches numbers above door.)
Scout #1: Come on, 5. Come on, 5.
Operator: Second Floor - Sporting Goods.
(another person gets on.)
Scout #2: Fifth floor, please.
Operator: Yes, sir. We'll get there.
(operator closes door. passengers watch numbers above door and squirm around some.)
People: Come on, 5. Come on, 5.
Operator: Third Floor - Kitchen Appliances.
(another person gets on.)
Scout #3: Fifth floor, please.
Operator: Yes, sir. We'll get there.
(operator closes door. passengers watch numbers above door and squirm around quite a bit.)
People: Come on, 5. Come on, 5.
Operator: Fourth Floor - Children's Toys.
(another person gets on.)
Scout #4: Fifth floor, please.
Operator: Yes, sir. We'll get there.
(operator closes door. passengers watch numbers above door and squirm around a lot.)
People: Come on, 5. Come on, 5.
Operator: Fifth Floor - Ladies Apparel and Restrooms!
(all people run out of elevator and offstage to use the restrooms.)


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Emergency Alert System
A Favorite Skit

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:6 to 10 scouts
Notes:Make sure you practice so the Beeeeeps start and stop when they should and so that the punch line does not drag on too long.
Script:All scouts but one stand in line. Lead scout is in front or to one side.
Leader: For the next ten seconds we wil conduct a test of the emergency broadcast system.
(line of scouts all make Beeeeeeeeeeep sound until the leader raises his hand.)
Leader: Thank you. This concludes the test of the emergency broadcast system. Had this been an actual emergency, you would have heard...
(line of scouts scream in panic and run around)

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Enlarging Machine
A Favorite Skit

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:at least 4 scouts and a leader†
one volunteer (victim)†
sheet†
small stick and large branch†
empty balloon and blown up balloon†
small dry sponge and large sponge†
bucket of water†
tiny paper airplane and very large paper airplane
Preparation:Ask for a volunteer from the audience before the skit is set up. Have the skit leader take the volunteer out of the room for some quick training. Tell him that the leader said this skit can be done only if the floor doesn't get scratched up and nothing gets broken.
Notes:This skit has water so make sure its ok on the floor.†
The victim should be someone with a good sense of humor.†
Script:Leader: Ladies and Gentlemen, I am Gustaf Mulch, world-famous inventor extraordinaire! Today, you are all fortunate to be the first to see my latest invention in action - the Enlarging Machine!!!
Leader: Assisting me in my demonstration today is the great [Bob] world-famous sidekick and all-around good guy!
Leader: Bob, please take this small item (person hands him the small airplane) and gently toss it into the machine. When it comes back out, please don't let it hit the floor or it might break. I promise you, its completely safe.
(Bob tosses the airplane over the sheet and a scout sails the huge plane back out towards Bob. Hopefully, Bob will successfully catch the big plane.)
Leader: Wonderful, Bob! You did great! What a huge airplane! (If he did not catch it, tell him to try a little harder next time.)
Leader: Bob, let's continue with the demo. (scout hands him the empty balloon.)
(Bob tosses the balloon in and a scout tosses the blown balloon back.)
Leader: Terrific! Good catch, Bob! We really don't want to scratch the floor or break anything. I must admit this is the best the machine has worked so far! Do we have anything else to try?
(scout hands small sponge to Bob)
(Bob throws it over and a scout throws back a large soaking wet sponge. Hopefully, Bob is in the habit of catching whatever comes back and catches it)

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Fifth Floor

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:At least 3 scouts - Me, Friend, Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother
Script:There are 5 parts. It's funnier if one scout plays Dad, Mom, Sister, and Brother but you could have an scout for each part.

Person playing Mom, Dad, Sister, and Brother is standing center stage. Me and Friend enter from the side, talking.

Me: Yeah, Bobby Smith is a good friend of mine. His family is pretty rich. He lives in a FOUR floor house. Each member of his family occupies their own floor. FOUR people - FOUR floors. Pretty cool!
Friend: Wow!
Me: I went over to visit the other day. You know me, always ready to help out so I saw the Mom on the FIRST floor. She was making dinner. I told her...
(walk over to Mom while talking, then address her directly)
Me: Hi Mrs. Smith, you really should bake that at 375 degrees.
(Then, directed to Friend...)
Me: But, she told me...
Mom: (Punches Me in arm) This is MY dinner, don't tell me how to cook it. Keep quiet!

(Mom quickly switches roles into being Dad)
Me: (rubbing arm) So, I went up to the SECOND floor and saw the Dad building a fire in the fireplace. I told him...
Me: Hi Mr. Smith, you really should use more tinder there. But, he told me...
Dad: (Punches Me in arm) This is MY fire, don't tell me how to build it. Keep quiet!

(Dad quickly switches roles into being Sister)
Me: (holding arm) So, I went up to the THIRD floor and saw the Sister putting on make-up for a big date. I told her...
Me: Hi Suzy, you really should use less eyeliner there. But, she told me...
Sister: (Punches Me in arm) This is MY face, don't tell me how to make it up. Keep quiet!

(Sister quickly switches roles into being Brother)
Me: (almost crying) So, I went up to the FOURTH floor and saw Bobby building a model airplane. I told him...
Me: Hi Bobby, you really should paint the wings white. But, he told me...
Brother: (Punches Me in arm) This is MY model, don't tell me how to paint it. Keep quiet!

Me: (quavering and rubbing arm) Soooo, I kept climbing up to the FIFTH floor and ...
Friend: Hey, wait a minute. You said there were FOUR floors.
Me: (Punches Friend in arm, in strong voice completely recovered) This is MY skit, don't tell me how to tell it. Keep quiet!

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Fishing Secret

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 or 5 scouts
Script:3 or 4 scouts in a group, all fishing and not catching anything. 1 other scout walks onstage, waves to them and they wave back. He sits aways away and starts fishing. He catches a fish and repeats it a few times.

One scout gets up and walks over to the scout that is catching fish.
Scout #1: I've been here fishing all day and haven't caught anything. You've almost caught your limit already. What's your secret?
Fish Scout : mumble mumble with mouth closed.
Scout #1: What did you say?
Fish Scout : mumble mumble with mouth closed.
Scout #1: Oh never mind! (walks back to buddies)
Scout #1: He's kinda strange. I couldn't understand him.

Repeat with each scout asking his secret until the last scout tries.
Last Scout : We've been here all day and haven't caught anything. What's your secret?
Fish Scout : mumble mumble with mouth closed.
Last Scout : What?
Fish Scout : mumble mumble with mouth closed.
Last Scout : Oh, come on. You can tell me, buddy! (and gives him a slap on the back which causes the scout to take a big hard swallow and look kind of sick.)
Fish Scout : I said - 'You have to keep the worms warm!'


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Flea Circus

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:table
string
small dish
two straws
small box
rock
Script:Ringmaster: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are proud to present the world's most amazing Flea Circus. To get things hopping, I present Hugo, who will walk the tightrope. When he reaches the center, he will turn a double somersault. May we have silence, please?
(two scouts stretch a string above table and third scout pretends to place a flea on one end of the string. Scouts follow the flea as it walks to the center of the string and does a doulbe somersault. They should point with their fingers and use exagerated head movements to follow the somersault up, up, and back down so the audience can see them.)

Ringmaster: Awesome! Hugo is going to attempt a world-record TRIPLE somersault now. Shhhhhh!
(Scouts follow the flea up, up, up, ... when an scout holding the string sneezes.)
Ringmaster: Oh no! Hugo is blown off course!

(one scout gulps and gags as if he inhaled the flea.)
Scout #1: Ack! I swallowed Hugo! (he runs offstage)

Ringmaster: Poor Hugo. Oh well, on with the show. Our next act is about to begin. Homer will jump from this scout's hand into a dish of water. Keep in mind the size of this tiny fellow.
(one scout comes onstage or a string holder does the next part. He sets the dish on the table and holds his hand out flat palm up high above the dish.)

Scout #2: 3, 2, 1, Jump! (follow his dive into the dish. Then scout retrieves flea from dish in his hand.)

Ringmaster: Well done, Homer! Give the little guy a big hand.
(Scout quickly claps, forgetting Homer - he looks shocked, and slowly parts hands, looks horrified at squished flea, and runs off stage.)

(scout #3 comes onstage with a rock)
Ringmaster: Too bad for Homer. Our next fabulous act features Hector, the weight lifting flea. Hector is the strongest flea in the world. That rock may not seem large to you, but think of how small Hector is... compare his size to the size of this rock.
(scout sets rock and flea on table and points at flea, flexs arm muscles, and points at flea again - indicating how strong Hector is)

Ringmaster: Hold up that rock so the audience can get a better look at it and see just how much weight Hector has to lift.
(scout holds up rock in one hand, bounces it a couple times, then plops it back onto the table without looking. He looks around for Hector, picks up rock, and finds him smashed to the underside of it. He runs offstage with the rock.)

(scout comes onstage wearing an easily-removed shirt)
Ringmaster: We seem to be having a bit of hard luck. But the show must go on. I now introduce Harry, the bare-back riding flea.
(scout removes shirt and places flea as far back over his shoulder as he can reach.)

Scout #4: Hang on, Harry! Here we go! (he runs offstage, barebacked)

(three scouts come onstage with string and straws.)
Ringmaster: He made it! And now Hank and Hillary will perform their world famous trapeze act. Hillary will make a triple somersault and Hiram will catch her.

(scouts hold up trapezes made of a straw on a string. Place flea on each one and start swinging them back and forth.)
Ringmaster: There they go! Watch them swing! Hillary lets go, she's turning a somersault. One, two, three, and Hiram catch.. er.. misses her!

(scouts look on floor for Hillary.
Scout #5: There she is! (points to floor near scout 6)
Scout #6: Where? (steps out of the way, but right onto the flea.)
Scout #5: You just stepped on her! Oh well, she needed more practice, anyway. Say, [to Ringmaster] we have another flea act for you. He's a man eating flea!
(opens small box) Oops, he got away!

(Ringmaster begins to scratch frantically, yells 'help' several times, and runs off stage. Scouts chase him.)
Scouts: Hey! Bring back our flea! We want our flea!

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Follow the Tracks

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 scouts
Script:(All scouts are sitting around a campfire. They can be Indians or cavemen or campers.)

Scout #1: (walks over to storage box and looks in.) Hey, we're about out of meat. I'm going to go get a deer.
(everyone waits while he walks offstage and comes back 15 or 20 seconds later. Could fill the time with a joke or two.)

Scout #2: Hey, nice deer! How did you get it?
Scout #1: I just followed the tracks.
Scout #2: You know, some rabbit would go well with that deer. I'm going to go get some.
(everyone waits until he returns.)

Scout #3: Nice rabbits. How did you get them?
Scout #2: I just followed the tracks.
Scout #3: Nothing like a little possom to go with rabbit. I'll go get some.
(everyone waits until he returns.)

Scout #4: Nice possom. How did you get them?
Scout #3: I just followed the tracks.
Scout #4: Squirrel always adds flavor. I'll go get some.
(everyone waits until he returns.)

(Scout #4 comes limping back, broken leg, all banged up and barely alive.)
Scout #1: Hey, what happened to you?
Scout #4: I just followed the tracks...
Scout #4: And a train hit me!

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Fool's Gold

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:at least 4 scouts - Assayer, his partner, 2 or more miners
Script:The assayer and his partner are in the office, waiting for gold miners to bring in gold from their claims.
Partner: Hey, mind if I go across the street to grab a bite for lunch?
Assayer: Sure, I'll watch the shop.

First miner walks in with a sack.
Assayer: Howdy, what can I do for you?
Miner #1: I think I found some gold on my claim. Here, tell me what this is and what it's worth.
(hands over sack and assayer looks inside)
Assayer: This is just fool's gold.
Miner #1: Dag num it! I've wasted 3 months in them there hills! (storms out, leaving his sack behind.)

As many miners as you have each walk in with a sack and the same general scene unfolds with the assayer getting a pile of sacks.

Finally, his partner comes back from lunch.
Partner: Hey, whatcha got in all them sacks?
Assayer: Ha, I've got all those fools' gold!

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Fred the Flea

Intended for:All Scouts
Preparation:one scout
one volunteer victim
Script:"Here in my hand, I have Fred the Flea. Fred will perform for you some amazing feats. Watch closely."

"Fred, do jumping jacks! Very good! Cheer, everyone!"

"Fred, do a somersault!"

"Fred, do a high jump!" Watch him go way up, then back down.

"Now Fred will do a long jump. I need a volunteer to catch Fred." Pick a leader, or someone in authority.

"OK, hold your hands out to catch Fred."

"Fred, do a longjump!" Watch Fred jump to the volunteer

"Oh, wait! He jumped too far - don't move!" Walk over to the volunteer. "Fred seems to have jumped into your hair!"

Start picking through the volunteer's hair.
"Here we are .. no, that's not Fred." toss the flea over your shoulder.
"Ah! No, that's not Fred."
"That's not Fred."
"Fred, are you in there?"
"That's not Fred either."
"Fred? Aha! Here he is! He's had a rough day, we're done now."


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Gandhi

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:6 or more scouts
candle and match
match striking surface and tape
chair
rubber ball
stick of gum
Preparation:one scout is Narrator, one is Gandhi, rest are run-ons.
one scout as Gandhi (smallest scout is best, bare-footed, dressed up if desired) stands center stage. Gandhi has match striking surface taped to the bottom of one foot.
Script:Narrator: A mystical, peace-loving man from India spent much of his life promoting non-violence. We can learn a lot from this man. His name is Mahatma Gandhi. (Gandhi walks around stage.)
Narrator: Gandhi led a simple life and usually walked barefoot. Over time, this made his feet very tough with thick calluses.
(scout comes onstage with candle and match, looking for a place to light it.)
Scout #1: Gandhi, I am unable to light my candle. Can you help me?
Gandhi: Certainly. (he sits down on the chair and crosses his leg up so his soul with the match striking surface is available to the scout, but not seen from the audience. The scout strikes the match, lights the candle.)
Scout #1: Oh, thank you, great Gandhi.
Gandhi: Don't mention it.
(scout walks to stage side to wait for end.)

Narrator: Gandhi also fasted many times to make political statements. This lack of food made him quite fragile.
(scouts come onstage bouncing a rubber ball back and forth. One misses it so it bounces over to Gandhi.)
Scout #2: Gandhi, would you please return our ball to us?
Gandhi: You bet. (gets up and goes to the ball. Tries to pick it up, but can not.)
Gandhi: Sorry, boys. That ball is too heavy for me. (scouts get their ball and walk to the stage side.)

Narrator: Gandhi also ate a simple diet, but it was very spicy Indian food. This gave him halitosis, which is just a scientific word for Bad Breath.
(scouts come onstage and walk up to Gandhi.)
Scouts: Hello, Gandhi!
Gandhi: Hiiiiiii, people! (scouts grab their noses)
Scout #3: Here, Gandhi, have some gum. (hands him a stick of gum and they leave)

Narrator: Now, you know about Gandhi. He was a Super Callused, Fragile, Mystic hexed by Halitosis.

(all scouts run to center stage, link arms with Gandhi, and they all sing the Mary Poppins song...)
Super callused fragile mystic
hexed by halitosis.
Even though the sound of it
is something quite atrocious.
If you say it loud enough,
you're sure to sound precocious.
Super callused fragile mystic
hexed by halitosis!


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George Washington and the Cherry Tree

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 scouts
Script:Scene: 3 scouts sitting around a campfire with one scout acting as the adult leader.

Leader: We need to reflect on our day at camp. For the most part, I think it was a great day. What do you think?
Scouts: yeah! great! really good!
Leader: But, there was one instance that we need to take care of. I'm sure you know what it was. I only want to ask once - who rolled the tent over that cliff over there?
Scouts: Not me! I didn't! It wasn't me! Don't look at me!

Leader: OK, let me tell you a little story about our first president, George Washington. George's dad had a cherry tree that produced lots of cherries every year. One day, when George's dad came home, his cherry tree had been chopped down.
Scouts: Huh! Hmmm! Uhuh!

Leader: Yep, and when George's dad asked him 'Son, did you chop down my tree?', George, being honest and brave, replied 'Yes sir, I did it.' Well, George's dad said 'Since you told me the truth, we'll pick all the cherries and make a big cherry pie for you.'
Scouts: Wow! Really! Huh!

Leader: Now, one last time - Who pushed the tent over the cliff?
Scout #1: Not me!
Scout #2: I didn't!
Scout #3: (sheepishly replies) It was me.

Leader: (mad and grabs the scout by the arm to take him away.) Come on, then! You're going home!
Scout #3: But George Washington got a cherry pie for telling the truth!
Leader: George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree when George Washington cut it down!

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Good Thing About Christmas

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 or more scouts - 2 narrators, a scout, an adult, Aunt Ruth.
Notes:Could have more scouts, each with a role to come on and perform for each Good/Bad item.
Script:(Adult Leader could be a larger scout playing the role of a grumpy adult)

Narrator 1: A good thing about Christmas is ...
Scout : ... Getting Christmas cards.
(opens envelope pulls out the card and smiles)
Narrator 2: A bad thing about Christmas is ...
Adult Leader: ... Writing out and sending the Christmas cards.
(pretends to write, gets cramp in his hand and shakes it)

Narrator 1: A good thing about Christmas is ...
Scout : ... Christmas vacation.
Narrator 2: A bad thing about Christmas is ...
Adult Leader: ... Christmas vacation.
(Scouts run around him once yelling)

Narrator 1: A good thing about Christmas is ...
Scout : ... Dreaming that you're Santa flying through the sky.
Narrator 2: A bad thing about Christmas is ...
Adult Leader: ... Wearing an old rented Santa suit.
(smells his armpit)

Narrator 1: A good thing about Christmas is ...
Scout : ... Having a white Christmas.
(flutters his fingers like snow)
Narrator 2: A bad thing about Christmas is ...
Adult Leader: ... Having a white Christmas.
(pretends to shovel snow)

Narrator 1: A good thing about Christmas is ...
Scout : ... Eating Christmas cookies.
Narrator 2: A bad thing about Christmas is ...
Adult Leader: ... Making Christmas cookies.
(pretends to mix the dough in a big bowl)

Narrator 1: A good thing about Christmas is ...
Scout : ... Santa comes.
Narrator 2: A bad thing about Christmas is ...
Adult Leader: ... Santa's reindeer come too.
(takes a step and picks up his foot and shakes it so everyone knows what he just stepped in)

Narrator 1: A good thing about Christmas is ...
Scout : ... Unwrapping presents.
Narrator 2: A bad thing about Christmas is ...
Adult Leader: ... Cleaning up after unwrapping presents.
(pretends to pick up the wrappings from the floor)

Narrator 1: A good thing about Christmas is ...
Scout : ... Peace on Earth.
Narrator 2: A bad thing about Christmas is ...
Adult Leader: ... It's not always so peaceful.
(Scout 1 pretends to play with loud electronic game, bangs drums or other noisy toy)

Narrator 1: A good thing about Christmas is ...
Scout : ... Christmas dinner.
Narrator 2: A bad thing about Christmas is ...
Adult Leader: ... Aunt Ruth.
(someone runs on stage with a wig on, pinchs his cheek and shakes it, yelling Oh, you're sooo cuute! )

Narrator 1: A good thing about Christmas is ...
Scout : ... Getting a do it yourself - build your own motorcycle kit and your Dad is going to help you put it together.
Narrator 2: A bad thing about Christmas is ...
Adult Leader: ... Opening the box and finding the instructions are in Chinese.


Narrator 1: A good thing about Christmas is ...
Scout : ... it's only ___ days away.
Narrator 2 A bad thing about Christmas is ...
Adult Leader: ... It only comes once a year. Merry Christmas!

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Got Any Duck Food?

Intended for:All Scouts
Script:Scout 1 stands behind box or chair or table being used as the store counter.
Customer: (walks in and faces store owner) Got any duck food?
Owner: No, this is a hardware store. We don't sell duck food.
(customer leaves and comes back the next day)

Customer: Got any duck food?
Owner: No! This is a haaaaardwaaaaaaaare store. We....do....not....sell....duck....food.
(customer leaves and comes back the next day)

Customer: Got any duck food?
Owner: No! No! No! And, if you ask me again, I'm gonna nail your feet to the floor!
(customer leaves and comes back the next day)

Customer: Got any Nails?
Owner: No.
Customer: Got any Duck Food?

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Gravity Check

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:1 scout
Script:The scout runs in from the side of the stage and yells, "Gravity Check!" as he jumps as high as he can.
When he lands, he says, "CHECK!" and runs off the stage.

Or, if the ground is soft enough and he is tough enough, he can flop on the ground for his landing and yell, "CHECK!" as he staggers off stage.

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Great Raisins

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 or more scouts.
big dark-colored garbage bag for each.
Preparation:all but one scout puts a garbage bag on like a coat - with a hole cut out for his head.
Script:All scouts but one are Raisins and they come on stage and line up. They sing the Raisin Bran song.
"We are the raisins that make the Raisin Bran so great." over and over and over ...

Last scout walks onto stage with his fingertips together over his head so his arms make a big circle - he is the spoon.

Raisins: Spoon! Aaaaaah! (and they all run around in a panic, but not too fast)

The 'spoon' catches one raisin and takes him offstage.

Raisins line up, settle down, and start their song again.

Spoon reappears and takes another raisin.

Repeat until only one raisin is left. He stands there sadly and sings:
"Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner ..."



For added fun, have the 'spoon' enter the stage the 2nd or 3rd time with only one arm pointing straight up - he's a knife. :-)
One Raisin yells - "Spoon!!!"
Another yells - "Hey, its just a knife! I think he's after the jelly." and they all settle down while the knife walks across.

Can do the same thing with both arms pointing up with elbows bent to the side slightly - a fork. :-)
One Raisin yells - "Spoon!!!"
Another yells - "Relax, that's a fork! The eggs are in trouble now!" and they all settle down while the fork walks across.


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Grecian Fountains

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts
2 water pitchers
2 sheets
Preparation:Wear the sheets like togas and fill the water pitchers.
Notes:If your two actors can make it through the whole thing without cracking a smile, all the better!
Script:Scout #1: (in a most sophisticated voice possible) Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to this evenings rendition of the much-acclaimed short play 'Grecian Fountains'. This evenings presentation is a one-act play brought to you by the good people at [PetCo, K-Mart, Burger King, ...]. Please refrain from video taping and flash photography. Thank you, and please enjoy the show. Quiet, please!

Scout #1 gracefully walks to position stage left while Scout #2 moves to stage right. Both stand tall, still, solemn, and silent.

After a few seconds, Scout #1 starts a slow, graceful walk halfway to center stage. There, he faces Scout #2 so he is sideways to the audience, takes a large mouthful from his pitcher, and spits it out in a high, streaming arch like a fountain. Remaining serious the entire time.
When Scout #1 finishes, Scout #2 repeats.
Scout #1 walks closer to center stage, adding more artistic moves and striking a more difficult pose, such as holding a foot up or arms out. He takes water and spits.
Scout #2 repeats.
(do this as many times as you want, but don't let it get too old)
#1 and #2 should be getting closer all the time. Now, #1 does a graceful dance step so he is right next to and facing #2. He takes water and aims his fountain so it splatters right at and on the feet of #2.
#2 dances around #1, takes water, and streams it on his leg.
#1 repeats, getting #2 wet on the chest.
#2 repeats, streaming water down #1's back or neck. He also needs to have his pitcher raised high and in front of him when he strikes his pose. This is the cue to #1 that the final act is to occur.
#1 strikes a pose directly in front of #2 facing him and underneath the upraised pitcher. #1 takes water and raises his pitcher identically to #2. As soon as he lets a trickle of water out of his mouth, or winks, or gives a signal, they both pour slow streams of water from their pitchers on the other for the grand finale.
When the pitchers are drained, gracefully turn to face the audience and take deep bows.

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Guess My Line on the Toilet
A Favorite Skit

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2, 3, or more unsuspecting volunteers.
2 scouts to run the skit.
a chair.
Preparation:set the chair center stage.
select your volunteers and have one scout take them back stage where they can not hear what is going on onstage.
Notes:The skit only works well if the volunteers have not seen it before so it can't be done very often.
You might want to have an actual prize that gets the contestants trying their best.
Script:Back stage, the scout tells the volunteers they will be in a contest to get the audience to guess their job. Give each volunteer a different job - racecar driver, weightlifter, horse jockey, newspaper delivery boy, ... whatever you can think of that might be interesting and can be done sitting on a chair.
Each volunteer is sent onstage, one at a time, to get the audience to guess their job.

Meanwhile, onstage, the other scout is telling the audience that the chair is a toilet seat and we'll see how each of the volunteers use it.

Call out the first contestant and see what happens. When the laughs die down, have him stop and get the next contestant.


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Hair in my Hamburger

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 scouts
Script:(scout #1 enters a restaurant and is seated by scout #2.)

Scout 1: I'd like a burger and fries, please. With a coke.
Scout 2: Very good, it will be right up.
(Scout 2 exits and returns with imaginary plate.)
Scout 2: Here you are, sir. Enjoy!
(Scout 2 moves off a ways, waiting to serve.)

(Scout 1 takes a bite and enjoys it until he stops and pretends to pull a long hair out of his mouth.)
Scout 1: Yuch! Waiter! There's a hair in my burger!
Scout 2: Oh, I am so sorry, sir. Here, give me that and I will bring you a fresh meal.
(Scout 2 leaves and comes back with a new plate.)
Scout 2: Here, sir. I brought you new fries also.
Scout 1: Thank you.

(starts eating again and finds another hair.)
Scout 1: Waiter! I found ANOTHER hair. I want to speak to the cook - NOW!
(Scout 2 runs offstage and brings back scout 3 who is the cook and pretends to be forming hamburger in his hands.)
Scout 1: What is the problem? Don't you know how to make hamburgers?
Scout 3: Yes, I do. I make these burgers the same way every time. See?
(scout rolls a ball of hamburger in his hands. Then, puts it in his armpit and squeezes his arm down.)

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Hare Restorer

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 scouts
hair spray can
Script:Rabbit is hopping around center stage.
Scout enters stage as if driving a car and runs into rabbit.
Scout gets out of car and checks rabbit and sees that he is definitely dead.
Second scout drives up and stops.
Scout #2: What's the matter?
Scout #1: I hit this poor rabbit and killed it.
Scout #2: Hey, that's no problem. I have just what you need right here - my wife left it in the car. Try it.
(hand spray can to other scout. Scout shakes it and sprays a little on the rabbit. Rabbit twitches, gets up, and hops away. As he is hopping, he turns and waves at each hop.)

Scout #1: Wow, that's great! What is this stuff?
(reads can.)
Scout #1: Hair Restorer - restores dead, lifeless hair and gives it a permanent wave.


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History of Cub Scouts

Intended for:Cub Scouts, Webelos Scouts
Required:Costumes (to be worn over Cub Scout uniform)
  • Cave Man (wig and fur wrap, shoebox pained to look like stone)
  • Biblical (shepherd"s robe with rope belt)
  • Ancient Greek (breastplate, maybe sandals)
  • Time of the Explorers (Magellan hat)
  • Frontier (coonskin cap and dutch oven, wooden spoon)
  • American Indian (leather shirt, feather headdress and bow (NO arrow))
  • Alien (alien mask)
  • Cub Mummy(gauze for wrapping)
  • Menís suit jacket, nametag and clipboard for announcer
Preparation:most effective if scouts in costume are not seen until they walk onto the stage
Notes:Blue and Gold Banquet skit. Each cub scout walks onto the stage as the announcer reviews his history and stands there until Smart Cub Scout says there were not Cub Scouts before 1930.
Script:Announcer: Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen. I am Wendell Windbag of the Institute of Historical Institutions. The mission of our organization is to research important organizations and institutions and determine their origins. It was the IHI, for example, that discovered that the first "wheel" used by cave dwellers 30,000 years ago was actually a stale Girl Scout Thin Mint cookie. We also discovered that in Mesopotamia, there were Salvation Army volunteers ringing bronze bells and collecting beads from passing shoppers at the market long before coins came into use.

This evening we are going to review the history of the venerable tradition of Cub Scouting.

As with the Girl Scouts, there is considerable evidence that there were Cub Scouts among the Cave Dwellers of Central Africa and Southern Europe. Their Cub Scout Handbooks were, of course, carved in stone.

In Biblical times, Cub Scouts would practice knot-tying while tending their sheep and goats. They were also often called upon to help pitch tents and tend fires.

Ancient Greek Cub Scouts would often serve as pages for the soldiers of their city-state. Some of the writings of Pythagorus suggest that he was a cubmaster and that he hit upon the idea for his famous Theorem while designing a Pinewood Derby track.

In the time of the Great Explorers, Cub Scouts began to gain interest on Geography along with the rest of the world - the first Geography and Map and Compass beltloops were earned during Magellan's lifetime. There is also evidence that the first Raingutter Regatta was held during this time.

Of course, Cub Scouts came to the New World with the first colonists, and during Frontier Times they became known as excellent marksboys. The BB Gun belt loop was first awarded in the early 19th century. Frontier Cubs took pride in making their own hats from the hides of animals that they had shot or trapped and tanned themselves. Of course they would also make delicious stews from the meat of the animal cooked with hot coals in dutch ovens.

Native American Cub Scouts were the first to earn the Archery belt loop. It was the Native American Cubs who first started selling popcorn to raise money for Cub Scout activities and trips.

You might also be interested to know that according to files from Area 51 that have recently been made public, a backpack was found on the alien ship that they captured that contained what appeared to be a cub scout handbook, cap and neckerchief, suggesting that one of the alien travelers that visited our fair planet on that ill-fated trip was a Cub Scout. Either that or he left his bookbag on the ship when his parents dropped him off at school.

And last but not least, the very latest research of the IHI has turned up exciting preliminary archaeological evidence that there were Cub Scouts in ancient Egypt. Excavation of a recently discovered tomb from about 2000BC currently underway has unearthed a mummy that appears to be that of a Cub Scout (the mummy starts walking onto the stage or can be pushed on leaned onto a hand truck)

Smart Cub Scout: Excuse me Mr. Announcer sir

Announcer: not now young man, can't you see I've got 100 people waiting to hear what I say next

Smart Cub Scout: But sir, it's not true.

Announcer: What's not true? (talk to the Cub but look at the audience)

Smart Cub: All that stuff you're saying about the History of Cub Scouts.

Announcer: How dare you challenge me! I'm speaking in an official, authoritative voice and I have a plastic name tag on and I carry a clip-board. What I say has to be true.

Smart Cub: No sir, it isn't true. There were no Cub Scouts before 1930 because that's when Cub Scouts was founded in the United States...

(all the Cub Scouts in costumes look alarmed and start taking off their costumes. Mummy starts unwrapping himself.)

Smart Cub:... to get younger boys interested in Scouting. In fact, all of these people (gesture to indicate the audience) are here tonight to celebrate the birthday of Cub Scouting!

Announcer: (silent for a few seconds while staring uncertainly at audience) Oh. (another pause) It appears I've been misinformed. (Suddenly the announcer acts like he's just had a brilliant inspirationóa light bulb prop would be appropriate if it can be worked in). A birthday you say? Well, I think that calls for a song!

All Cub Scouts on stage: song! We love songs!

Announcer: All together now(lead entire group including audience in Happy Birthday Dear Cub Scouts).


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Hunting Thanksgiving Dinner

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:4 to 8 scouts
at least one pizza box
a bush or cardboard bush cutout
Preparation:Hide the pizza box behind the bush cutout or tape it to the back before bringing it onstage so no one sees it.
Script:(Scout #1 is stalking around the stage obviously hunting something like Elmer Fudd.)
Scout #2 walks up to him.
Scout #2: What are you doing?
Scout #1: Shhhh, I'm hunting Thanksgiving dinner.
Scout #2: Oh, ok, I'll help. (stalks around too)
(repeat this for as many people as you want. Once they are all stalking, Scout #1 stops suddenly and points to bush.)
Scout #1: AH-HA! I've found it!
(he reaches behind bush and pulls out pizza box and they all run off to eat.)

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I Ain't Lost

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 or more scouts
a chair†
a map
Preparation:1 scout is a local fellow sitting on his front porch.†
The rest are on a hike and find themselves lost.
Notes:The Local can use a slow drawl accent if that would make it funnier.†
The hiking scouts get more frustrated with each question asked.
Script:Scout #1: (to other hikers, while looking at map) Gee, guys, looks like we're lost.
Scout #2: Let's ask that guy over there for directions.
(walk over to Local sitting on chair.)
Scout #3: Excuse me, we've been hiking for 20 miles and we seem to be lost. Can you help us?
Local: Why, shore, whadda ya need?
Scout #1: (looking at map) Can you tell us where Mt. Plummet is from here?
Local: Nope, never heard of it.
Scout #2: Can you point us towards 'the White River'?
Local: Nope, don't know where that's at.
Scout #3: How about Fort Smithers?
Local: Nope, don't know that one neither.
Scout #1: Well, how far is it to 'Red Prairie' then?
Local: Sorry, couldn't tell ya.
Scout #2: Oh, come on! Where's the closest highway?
Local: Highway? Hmm, don't know if there is a highway round here.
Scout #3: Sheesh! What DO you know?
Local: Well, sonny, I DO know I ain't lost!


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I Gotta Go Wee

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:4 to 8 scouts and 1 leader
Script:All scouts lay in a line sleeping with leader at one end and Scout #1 at the other.

Scout #1: I gotta go Wee.
(each scout passes the request down the line until it gets to the leader)
leader: you'll have to hold it.
(scouts pass the reply back)
Scout #1: I really gotta go Wee.
(pass it down)
leader: No, go back to sleep.
(pass it down)
Scout #1: But, I REALLY, REALLY gotta go Wee.
leader: Alright, go then!
Scout #1: (stands up, runs around yelling) WEEEEEEEEE!

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I Saw a Bear

Intended for:All Scouts
Notes:This skit should only be done with good-natured adult leaders or a scout that knows what will happen.
Script:Ask for volunteers, 5 or more works best. Have the volunteers line up on stage and the skit leader is on the left end of the line.

Leader: OK, please crunch closer together. Real close so your shoulders are tight together. That's it!
Leader: This is a very simple silly skit so I appreciate you volunteering. When I say "I saw a bear!", you all say "WHERE?". Then, I'll point where and you copy me.
Leader: OK, let's try it.

Leader: Wait, since we're looking for bear, we'd better crouch down and be careful. (crouch down and check the the rest also are.)
Leader: I saw a Bear!
Volunteers: Where?
Leader: Over there! (big arm gesture and points far to the left with his right hand. All volunteers should then also point.)
Leader: I saw a Bear!
Volunteers: Where?
Leader: Over there! (big arm gesture and points far to the right with his left arm so his arms are crossed. All volunteers should then also point.)
Leader: I saw a Bear!
Volunteers: Where?
Leader: Over there! (big leg gesture and points far to the left with his right leg. All volunteers should then also point.)
Leader: I saw a Bear!
Volunteers: Where?
Leader: Over there! (big head gesture and points far to the right with his head. All volunteers should then also point.)

At this point, the volunteers should be in a tight line with most of their weight on their left foot and their right leg out to the left and their head leaning to the right. Not a lot to prevent them from all tipping over with a slight push on the left-most scout.
Leader: I saw a Bear!
Volunteers: Where?
Leader: Over there! (and pushes the first scout in line, hopefully toppling them all down)

If they are all adults, the scouts in the audience love it. But, don't expect some of those volunteers to ever volunteer for a skit again if you did not warn them beforehand.

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Ice Fishing
A Favorite Skit

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 scouts or 2 scouts and adult
Preparation:One scout or adult offstage playing God's voice.
Script:2 scouts are icefishermen and they walk to centerstage.
Ole: Sven, dis looks like a goot spot.
Sven: Ya, Ole, let's start here, den.
(Sven starts using a manual ice drill to cut through the ice.)
God's Voice: There are no fish there!
(Sven and Ole jump and look around.)
Ole: Sven, let's try over der.
Sven: Ya, Ole, you drill the hole dis time.
(Ole takes the drill and they move to a new location and start to drill through the ice.)
God's Voice: There are no fish there!
(Sven and Ole jump and look around.)
Ole: My gosh, Sven, we'd best try a different spot I'm thinkin'.
Sven: Ya, Ole, dat looks pretty good over der.
(Ole takes the drill and they move to a new location and start to drill through the ice.)
God's Voice: Listen, you guys, I'm the ice rink manager and THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!


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Infantry Is Coming

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:4 to 8 scouts
seedling or tree branch
Script:Each scout runs across the stage one after another yelling "Run away! The Infantry is Coming!"
The last scout walks onstage carrying the Infant Tree and says "the Infant Tree has arrived!"

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Invisible Bench - plus Add-Ons
A Favorite Skit

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 to 8 scouts
Notes:This is a funny skit the first time or two you see it. But, around here, it is waaaaay over-used. So, there have been a few add-ons created. See Raking an Invisible Garden skit also.
Script:Scout #1 walks onstage and squats down as if he is sitting on a bench that is invisible.
Scout #2 walks up to #1.
Scout #2: Whatcha doin'?
Scout #1: Just sitting on this invisible bench.
Scout #2: Can I join you?
Scout #1: Sure.
Scout #2 sits down next to #1.
Scout #3 repeats the dialog.
Each scout comes on and repeats, making a long line of scouts sitting on the bench.

Last scout walks up to line of scouts.
last Scout : What are you guys doing?
all people: Just sitting here on this invisible bench.
last Scout : No you aren't. I moved the bench over there. (points)

All the sitting scouts fall down.


Add-On #1:
last Scout : No you aren't. I moved the bench over there yesterday. (points)
Scout #1: But, I moved it back here this morning!
last Scout : Oh, ok! (and sits down with the rest)


Add-On #2:
last Scout : Oh, ok! (and sits down with the rest)
one more Scout : What are you guys doing?
all Scouts: Sitting on this invisible bench.
one more Scout : Oh no! I just got done painting that bench!
all Scouts: AAAAGH! (stand up and wipe paint off back sides.


Add-On #3:
one more Scout : Oh no! I just got done painting that bench!
Scout #1: Oh, that's ok. We all have our invisible paint suits on. (all stand up, and unzip front of suits and step out.)

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Is It Time Yet?

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 to 8 scouts
chairs or a bench
Preparation:Line chairs up in a row facing audience. Scouts sit on chairs.
Script:All scouts sit on chairs and cross right leg over left and right arm over left and stretch out like they are resting.
Scout on end: (to the scout next to him) Is it time yet?
(each scout passes the question down the line to the end)
Scout on far end: Nope.
(each scout passes the reply back up the line to the end)
(wait a few seconds)
Scout on end: Is it time yet?
(pass it down)
Scout on far end: Nope.
(pass it back)
(repeat a couple times)
Scout on end: (to the scout next to him) Is it time yet?
(each scout passes the question down the line to the end)
Scout on far end: Yep, its time.
(each scout passes the reply back up the line to the end)
When the reply reaches the end, all scouts stretch, yawn, switch their arms and legs and go back to sleep.


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Jailhouse Jokes

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 to 8 scouts
chairs
Preparation:1 scout is the jailer
1 scout is a new inmate
other scouts are inmates
Script:(jailer leads new inmate to jail cell where all the other inmates are sitting around.)
Jailer: Here's your new home. Don't worry, 10 years will go by fast and I'm sure you'll make friend real fast with your new roommates. Ha ha ha!
(shoves new guy into cell and locks the door and leaves stage)
New Inmate: (timidly) Hi, guys.
(other inmates tell him to shut up, sit down, be quiet, don't bother me, pipe down, ...)
(wait for a few second pause of silence while the new inmate looks sad and dejected.)
Inmate #1: 22!
(everyone but new inmate laughs.)
Inmate #2: 57!
(everyone but new inmate laughs.)
Inmate #3: 98!
(everyone but new inmate laughs.)
(new inmate looks confused and can't figure out what is going on.)
New Inmate: I don't get it. What are you guys laughing at?
Inmate #1: We've been locked up in here so long we've memorized all the jokes we know. So, to save time, we gave each joke a number and when someone says a number, we know what joke they're telling.
New Inmate: Oh! I'll give it a try. "63!!!"
(no one laughs. they just look at him.)
New Inmate: What? Why didn't anyone laugh?
Inmate #2: I guess some people just can't tell a joke.


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Jelly Beans Please

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 or 6 scouts
Script:One scout is the candy store owner standing behind his counter - he's a little old man.
The other scouts all come into his store and stand in a line waiting to buy candy.
After each scout buys his candy, he just waits for his buddies to finish buying.

Owner: Hello there, young scout. What candy would you like today?
Scout 1: I'd like a quarter's worth of jelly beans, please.
Owner: (pointing to the highest shelf on the wall behind him) You mean those jelly beans waaaay up there?
Scout 1: Yes, please.
Owner mimes getting a ladder, climbing it, getting the jar of jelly beans, climbing down, opening the jar, scooping out a few beans into a bag, and closing the jar.
Owner: 25 cents, please.
Scout 1: Thanks!
Owner mimes climbing the ladder, replacing the jar, and climbing down the ladder.

Owner: Next, please.
Scout 2: I'd like a quarter's worth of jelly beans, please.
Owner: (pointing to the case in front of him) Are you sure you don't want some Swedish fish or licorice laces?
Scout 2: No thanks, just jelly beans.
Owner mimes again.
Owner: 25 cents.
Scout 2: Thanks!
Owner finishes mime.

Owner: Next, please.
Scout 3: I'd like a quarter's worth of jelly beans, please.
Owner: Aw, man! Look at these great jawbreakers and lemon drops!
Scout 3: No thanks, just jelly beans.
Owner mimes again.
Owner: 25 cents.
Scout 3: Thanks!
(Can do this more times with more scouts, but it gets old quickly)

Owner: Next!
Owner: Hey, I suppose you want a quarter's worth of jelly beans too?
Scout 4: No, thank you.
Owner mimes climbing the ladder, replacing the jar, and climbing down the ladder.
Owner: OK, what do you want then?
Scout 4: I'd like a dime's worth of jelly beans, please!

Owner groans and chases all the scouts out of his store, running like a little old man.


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Lemonade for Sale

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:4 scouts
water pitcher (or pretend)
Preparation:One scout is the lemonade stand owner. The others are customers.
Script:Owner: Lemonade! 10 cents a glass! Lemonade!
Scout #1: I'll take some. Mmmm, that's good lemonade. Where is it from?
Owner: It's from Orlando.
(customer walks away)
Owner: Lemonade! 10 cents a glass! Lemonade!
Scout #2: I'll take some. Mmmm, that's good lemonade. Where is it from?
Owner: It's from Orlando.
(customer walks away)
Owner: Lemonade! 10 cents a glass! Lemonade!
Scout #3: I'll take some. Mmmm, that's good lemonade. Where is it from?
Owner: It's from Orlando.
(customer walks away)
Owner: (looks in pitcher) Hmmmm, it's getting a little low. Orlando! (whistle) Here, boy! Orlando! (scout acting as dog crawls in, barking. He lifts leg to go in the pitcher if it needs to be made obvious.)

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Lighthouse Stairs

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 scouts
Notes:A man lives in a lighthouse. For some unexplained reason, only the stairs are used and not the elevator.
Script:Start with one scout onstage. He looks at his wristwatch.
Keeper: Oops, time to check the light.†
He walks around and around and around the clockwise acting like he is climbing a circular staircase to the top of the lighthouse.†
After 3 or 4 or 12 circles (depending on the actor), he pauses and listens. †
Keeper: Oh no! The phone!†
He runs around and around the opposite direction the same number of times and picks up the phone.†
Keeper: Hello? Hello? Rats, they hung up!†
He returns to climbing the stairs. Partway up, he hears the phone again, runs down, and answers it.†
Keeper: Hello? Oh hi, Johnny. Sure, bring your cousin from Nebraska that has never seen a lighthouse over, I'll give him a tour. Bye.†
Keeper: I'm sure I have enough time to go check that light before Johnny gets here.†
He starts running around up the stairs.†
Two scouts come onstage and pretend to knock on the door. The lighthouse keeper stops, and runs around the other direction down to greet them.†
Keeper: Hi, guys! The view from the top is great! I'm just heading up there to check the light, so let's go!†
They walk around up to the top.†
The cousin from Nebraska should get more and more tired with each circle they climb.
Keeper: There it is! Look at that ocean!†
Just then, the cousin collapses.
Keeper: Oh No! Johnny, go call 911!†
Johnny runs around and around, then stops, turns around and runs around and around back up.
Johnny: I forgot the number!†
Keeper: 9-1-1!†
Johnny runs back down and calls. He then runs back up.†
4th scout comes onstage and knocks on the door. Johnny runs down to get him.†
They run back up.
Doctor: This looks bad. He needs to get to the hospital!
Keeper and Johnny pick up cousin and try to carry him down the stairs.
Johnny: Oh no, the stairwell is too tight, we can't carry him down.†
Keeper: (reaching to the side and presing a button) No problem, we'll take the elevator.†

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Listen!

Intended for:All Scouts
Script:One scout comes onstage and starts listening intently to something far off up in the air.
The rest of the scouts walk up to him.
Scouts: Hey, what are you doing?
Scout #1: Listen!
(other scouts stop and listen.)
Scout #2: I don't hear anything.
Scout #1: LISTEN!
Scout #3: I don't hear anything either.
Scout #1: You know, It's been like that all day!


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Lobster Tail

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 scouts - Waiter and two customers
a plate
a book
Script:Have three places to sit on stage.
Waiter is standing on stage. Two scouts enter.

Waiter: Good evening, gentlemen. Welcome to King Neptune's, the fanciest seafood restaurant in town. Please follow me to your table.
(leads them to center stage where they sit)

Waiter: And, here are your menues. I will be back in a moment to take your orders.

Customer 1: Wow! This all looks great!
Customer 2: Sure does. Hmmm, well I know what I'd like. How about you?
Customer 1: Yes. I'm ready too.

(waiter returns)
Waiter: Gentlemen, are you ready?
Customer 1: Yes, I'll have the sauteed seabass, scallops, and shrimp, please.
Waiter: Ahh, an excellent choice, sir! And you, sir?
Customer 2: How are the lobster tails?
Waiter: They are most exquisite this evening, sir.
Customer 2: Fine, I'd like a lobster tail, please.
Waiter: Superb. I'll be back in but a moment.
(waiter leaves)

Customer 1: Mmmm, it sure smells good. I can hardly wait.
Customer 2: Sure does. I haven't had a lobster tail since I was a youngster.

(waiter returns with a plate and a book)
Waiter: Sir, here are your seabass, scallops, and shrimp.
(gives plate to Customer 1)

Waiter: And, for you sir...
(waiter sits down, opens book and begins to read)
Waiter: Once upon a time there was a little lobster that lived in the sea ...

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Lone Ranger and Tonto

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 scouts
Script:Lone Ranger: Whew! it sure is a hot day, Tonto! Let's get us a sasparilla to cool off.
Tonto: Good idea, Kemosabe. Since it's your birthday, I'll buy the drinks.

(while drinking, a cowboy walks up)
Cowboy: Hey, either of you riding a white horse?
Lone Ranger: Yep, that'd be my horse.
Cowboy: Welp, it's standing in the hot sun and there's no breeze at all. I'm afraid he's not lookin' too good.
Lone Ranger: Whoa, I'd better get out there and stir up some breeze, then.
Tonto: Kemosabe, it's your birthday, let me go cool off your horse.
Lone Ranger: Why, thanks, Tonto. It's great having a side-kick like you.
(Tonto walks 'outside' where the horses are and starts running around in a circle, to generate a breeze around the horse.)

(Another cowboy walks past Tonto and up to the Lone Ranger)
Cowboy #2: Hey, any of you guys riding a white horse?
Lone Ranger: That'd be me, pardner.
Cowboy #2: Well, you left your engine runnin'.


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Lost Bubblegum

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:a bunch of scouts - at least 2
Script:One scout walks across the stage, stumbles, and falls at center stage. He needs to make his forehead hit the ground, but not hard, and then stay there.

The person struggles to get up, but he can not move his forehead from the spot where it is stuck. He should work his way up to having his butt sticking up and only his feet and forehead on the ground, squirm around, spin around, maybe do a headstand, whatever. He should make this as comical and energetic as he can.

He should call for help, very loudly, saying his forehead is stuck.

If you have extra scouts, they should walk past, look at him or ignore him or steer clear of him, but not help.

Finally, the last scout comes running to the stuck scout, grabs him around the chest/shoulders and mightily heaves him to his feet.

Stuck Scout: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I thought I'd be stuck there forever. Thank you for rescuing me. You're my hero! ...

Rescuing Scout: Stop! What's that on your forehead?
(he reaches out and plucks an invisible something off the stuck scout's forehead, looks at it, then pops it in his mouth and starts chewing)

Rescuing Scout: Hey, I knew I lost my bubblegum around here somewhere. Thanks for finding it for me!

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Lost Green Ball

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:4 to 6 scouts
Script:First scout is looking around for something on the ground center stage.
(next scout walks up to 1st.)
Scout #2: What are you doing?
Scout #1: Looking for my green ball I lost. Will you help me?
Scout #2: Sure. (starts looking.)
(repeat for all scouts. After all are looking, first scout finally gives up looking.)
Scout #1: Oh well, I don't think we're ever going to find it. I'll just make another one.
(he starts picking his nose and using the contents to roll a ball in his hands.)

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Lost Quarter

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 or more scouts
a flashlight (optional)
Script:(One scout stands onstage holding the flashlight overhead pointing to the ground - he is a lamppost and just stands there the whole time.)

(scout #1 is searching the ground where the light is shining.)

Scout #2: Hey, what are you looking for?
Scout #1: I lost a quarter.
Scout #2: Here, I'll help you find it. (starts searching in same area)

Scout #3: Hey, what are you looking for?
Scout #1: I lost a quarter.
Scout #3: Here, I'll help you find it. (starts searching in same area)

[continue for as many scouts as you have]

(After searching awhile, a scout finally asks)

Scout #2: Man, I just don't see it. Are you sure you lost that quarter here?
Scout #1: No, I didn't lose it here. I lost it over there.
Scout #2: What? Then, why are we searching over here?
Scout #1: Because the light is better over here!


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Lucky Boxer

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 scouts
a frying pan
Script:Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the main event.
In this corner, weighing in at 225 pounds, undefeated in 138 fights, current world heavyweight champeeeeeen, Big Bart!
And, in this corner, weighing in at 68 pounds, before drying after a shower, the contender, Little Mo!

Announcer: Boxers ready? Fight!

(Big Bart pounds on Little Mo. A right, a left, an uppercut, a roundhouse, remember which punches are used. Finally, with Little Mo nearly dead, he takes one feeble swing and Big Bart's nose and Big Bart falls down - knocked out.)

Announcer: (stands over Big Bart) 1, 2, 3, he's out! Little Mo wins! Let's see that spectacular upset again in slow motion.

Big Bart gets up and the boxers repeat the scene slowly. When Little Mo takes his slow, weak swing, another scout runs up behind Big Bart (in normal speed) and whacks him on the head with the frying pan and runs offstage.

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Magic - Mystic Reader

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:slips of paper and pencil for each scout
Preparation:Have an accomplice in on the trick.
Script:Have everyone (including your accomplice) carefully write their favorite food and color on the paper. Fold the paper and put it in a bag.
(Your accomplice puts his hand in the bag, but has already hidden his paper in his pocket and does not drop in his paper!)
After all papers are in the bag, shake it up, and draw one out.

Put your hand with the paper in it up to your forehead and concentrate. After a few seconds tell the group that it says "Clam Chowder" and "Purple". Open the paper to verify it, nod, and ask who wrote that? Your accomplice says, "That was me!".
(Actually, you are reading the paper to see what the next words are that you will 'read'.)
Reach in and pull out another paper and put it to your forehead. Announce that it says whatever was written on the previous paper and ask whose it is.
Continue to do this for all the papers, being as dramatic as you can.
When there are no papers left, there will still be one scout that was not guessed. Ask if there are any scouts left that you haven't guessed. When he says 'Yes', say that you will try to guess his even though his paper has disappeared. Of course, you guess it perfectly!

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Measuring Leader's Coffin

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:small cup of water 3 oz.

sheet

2 scouts

volunteer with long pants (victim)
Notes:Have a 3rd helper bring the cup of water onstage after the body is covered, or have it hidden somehow. A small balloon stored in one scout's sleeve or pocket works.†
Pour the water down the opening where the pants leg falls away from the ankle so it runs down.
Script:2 scouts play the roles of undertakers in the wild west (or whatever theme you want). They ask the volunteer to lie on the ground, having just been killed in a show-down (duel, war, hiking accident, ...)
While Scout 1 is doing his first speech, Scout 2 drapes the sheet over the body and whispers in the volunteers ear that all he has to do is lift the part of his body that they touch to make it funnier since he's dead.

Scout 1: (western drawl. ) This here's poor ol' Pistol Pete - the best darn sheriff our little town ever had. Sorry to say the Bushwhack Gang done kilt him last night when they robbed the bank. Me and Clyde here is gonna bury him this afternoon so's we's got to measure him for his coffin first.
Scout 2: (helps lift volunteers head and measures the left ear through the sheet) His left ear's 3 inches, Carl.
Scout 1: OK, his right ear's 7 inches, Clyde. (writes down numbers on imaginary pad and pushes head back down if needed)
Scout 2: (raises left hand) His left hand's 6 inches, Carl. (pushes hand back down)
Scout 1: OK, his right hand's 11 inches, Clyde.
Scout 2: His left arm's 20 inches, Carl.
Scout 1: OK, his right arm's 38 inches, Clyde. Hmm, this coffin is gonna be tricky.
Scout 2: His left foot's 8 inches, Carl.
Scout 1: OK, his right foot's 18 inches, Clyde. Gotta adjust for that, I guess.
Scout 2: His left leg's 20 inches, Carl.
Scout 1: (raises right leg up and slowly pours water down it) OK, his right leg's 42 inches, Clyde.
(at this point, either the volunteer notices the water and the scouts run away. Or, the scouts need to wrap up the skit.)
Scout 2: Well, Carl, we best go get busy on that coffin now. Looks like we'll have to charge extra for a custom fit and waterproof lining!

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Meat for Sale

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts
Script:A grizzly bear walks into a butcher shop.

Bear: Grrr, I need some meat. What's for sale today?
Butcher: Well, here's some skunk that got run over on the road. Just 10 cents a pound.
Bear: That's disgusting! I need something better.
Butcher: How about some rabbit? 50 cents a pound.
Bear: No, rabbit gives me gas.
Butcher: I've got venison steaks. $1.00 a pound.
Bear: Nope, had that yesterday.
Butcher: There's bear tongue for $2.00 a pound, but you're probably not interested.
Bear: GRRRRRRR!
Butcher: Hey, here's pheasant breast for just $5.00 a pound.
Bear: That might do. Is that all you have?
Butcher: Hmmm, let's see. I've got Scouts, but I'm afraid they're $70.00 a pound.
Bear: $70.00!!!! Why so much?
Butcher: Do you know how much work it is to CLEAN one?

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Musical Toilet Seats

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 scouts
cardboard toilet seat cutouts (optional)
Script:(one scout is a door to door salesman, selling Musical Toilet Seats. Other three scouts are placed around stage, each at their own homes)

(salesman walks up to 'door' of first customer and pretends to knock. Customer walks to door and opens it.)

Salesman: Good morning, sir, I'd like to show you the newest thing in modern electronic technology. I've developed the new musical toilet seat. Would you be interested in buying this modern day marvel?
Customer #1: What music does it play?
Salesman: Why, I have a complete library of songs, just tell me what you'd like.
Customer #1: Do you have one that plays Dixie?
Salesman: Absolutely! Here you go!
(hands him a seat and gets paid.)
Salesman: I'll check back tomorrow to make sure you are happy with your purchase. Thank you!
(customer closes door, salesman walks to next house)

(Repeat for customer #2 who asks for 'Yellow Submarine')

(Repeat for customer #3 who asks for 'Star Spangled Banner')

the next day...
(salesman knocks on customer #1's door)
Salesman: How did you like the musical toilet seat?
Customer #1: It was great! It played Dixie and I sat there with a bucket of fried chicken enjoying each note.
Salesman: Wonderful! Nice doing business with you.

(salesman knocks on customer #2's door)
Salesman: How did you like the musical toilet seat?
Customer #2: Just fine. It played Yellow Submarine and I pretended I was bombing the submarine.
Salesman: Whatever! Nice doing business with you.

(salesman knocks on customer #3's door)
Salesman: How did you like the musical toilet seat?
Customer #3: Awful, just awful! I want you to take it back!
Salesman: What? You are my first unsatisfied customer ever! Why don't you like it?
Customer #3: Every time I sit down to go, it starts playing the Star Spangled Banner and I have to stand up and salute!

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My Centipeed

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:6 scouts
one good-humored volunteer (victim)
†one safe volunteer
paper cup of water
sheet or blanket
Preparation:5 scouts line up single file with blanket over their heads and covering them - they are a centipede. The last scout has a small cup of water hidden.
Script:Scout 1: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Sinbad, my pet centipede! (centipede enters center stage) I have spent many hours training him to do the most amazing tricks. To demonstrate his talents, I need 2 volunteers from the audience please. (choose 2, one will be a victim)

Scout 1: Please stand here and here (instructs volunteers to stand a couple feet apart) And, now my centipede will run circles around these two. Sinbad, GO! (centipede trots around the volunteers. Wait until the centipede is between the volunteers and audience to tell him to stop)

Scout 1: Sinbad, STOP! Wasn't that amazing! For his next trick, my centipede will sit. Sinbad, SIT! (scouts all crouch way down) Wonderful! Sinbad, UP!

Scout 1: For my centipede's most awesome trick, he will demonstrate his fancy footwork. Volunteers, please lay down here and here. (have them lay down with feet facing audience about 3 feet apart)

(scout guides Sinbad to the side of the safe volunteer to set up the trick)
Scout 1: Now, my centipede will walk over these two brave souls without touching them with any of his many feet. Everyone, please be quiet so my centipede can concentrate. Sinbad, GO!

(the centipede carefully steps over the first and second volunteer. Just as the last scout is over the last volunteer, Sinbad stops and the last scout lifts his leg facing toward the audience and slowly pours the glass of water on the victim's pants.)
Scout 1: Oh no! My centi-PEED! (and, they all run off)

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My Royal Papers

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:at least 2 scouts
chair
toilet paper roll
any number of other types of paper
Script:(leader is King, or President, or Gang Boss and is sitting on a chair center stage facing audience.)
Leader: Bring me my [Royal, Presidential, Important] papers!
(a scout runs up to him with a newspaper.)
Leader: Those are NOT my Royal papers. (throws them aside.)
Leader: Bring me my Royal papers now!
(a scout runs up to him with notebook paper.)
Leader: Those are NOT my Royal papers. (throws them aside.)

(repeat with paper towels, wrapping paper, brown paper bag, ...)

Leader: Bring me my Royal papers now!
(a scout runs up to him with roll of toilet paper.)
Leader: Aaaaaah, FINALLY! My Royal papers! (and hugs the roll to his chest as he runs offstage needing to use the toilet.)

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My Worm

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:a leader
1 or more scouts
Notes:an adult is leading a group on a hike with one whining scout.
Script:(group enters stage as if on a long hike, somewhat tired out by now. Only the scout and leader have parts.)
(the scout always talks in a whiny, screachy voice.)
Scout : I'm tired. I want a break.
Leader: No, we still have 4 miles to hike before we get back to the trailhead.
Scout : But, I'm tired. I'll tell my Mom if we don't stop.
Leader: Oh, all right. Everybody halt! Take a 2 minute rest.
Scout : I want to sit down.
Leader: The ground's all muddy. Go ahead if you want to be a sloppy mess.
(scout sits down. Then, looks up at leader.)
Scout : Sit down with me.
Leader: No, I'm not getting all muddy.
Scout : I'll tell my Mom.
Leader: I don't care. I'm not getting all muddy.
Scout : I'll tell my Dad.
Leader: Oh, all right!
(leader plops down next to scout and shakes mud off his hands.)
Scout : Oh, look! A big worm. Pick it up for me.
Leader: No, pick it up yourself.
Scout : I'll tell my Mom.
Leader: Go ahead, I don't care.
Scout : I'll tell my Dad.
Leader: So what.
Scout : I'll tell your wife.
Leader: OK! OK! I've got your worm, see?
Scout : Break it in half for me.
Leader: No! That's disgusting!
Scout : Do it or I'll tell your wife.
Leader: No! Go ahead and tell her.
Scout : I'll cry!
(starts crying loudly. All the scouts cover their ears and leader frantically breaks worm in half.)
Leader: There! There! It's broken already.
Scout : Eat half of it.
Leader: No!
(scout starts crying almost as loud as he can and watching the leader. Leader finally eats half the worm, gagging on it. But, the scout cries even louder.)
Leader: Stop! I ate half the worm. Why won't you stop?
Scout : (pauses in his screaming) You ate MY HALF! (screams some more)


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Need a Big Jerk

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 scouts
and one volunteer (good-humored victim)
Script:One scout is a lawnmower that will not start.
Scout #1 is trying to start the lawnmower. Lawnmower coughs and sputters each attempt.
Scout #2 walks on, asks what's wrong, and gives it a try. Lawnmower still does not start.
Scout #3 tries with no luck.
Scouts ask for someone really strong from the audience to help them.

When the volunteer tries, the lawnmower starts right up on the first attempt.


Scout #1: Wow, thanks! I guess it just needed a big jerk!

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Need the Time

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:at least two scouts
a few stumps, chairs, or a bench
a sheet of newspaper
a marker (optional)
Script:Scout is reading the newspaper while sitting on a bench.

#1: What a beautiful day. And, I see the Yankees won again. Ho-hum, I think I'll rest a bit.
(He lays down and puts the newspaper over his face. Each time the sleeping scout gets a little grumpier about being woken up. Another scout walks up and shakes his shoulder.)
#2: Hey buddy, you got the time?
#1: Huh? Yeah, it's 3:40.
#2: Thanks, buddy. (and walks off)

#3: Hey buddy, you got the time?
#1: Huh? Yeah, it's 3:45.
#3: Thanks, buddy. (and walks off)

#4: Hey buddy, you got the time?
#1: Huh? Yeah, it's 3:50.
#4: Thanks, buddy. (and walks off)

#1: That's it! I'm tired of people asking me for the time. This will take care of that.
(He writes, or pretends to write, on the newspaper as he says out loud...)
I DON'T HAVE THE TIME!
There, that should do it.
(He lays down to sleep with the newspaper over his face)

#5: Hey, what's this say? (looking at newspaper) I Don't Have The Time.
(He shakes the sleepers shoulder to wake him up.)
#1: What?
#2: (looks at his watch) I've got the time - it's 3:55. Have a nice day! (as he walks off)

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New Underwear

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 or more scouts
Script:(All hike onstage in single file and Lead Scout stops them center stage)

Lead Scout: Well, guys, we've had a pretty tough time of it out here the past four days camping in the rain and mud with no showers and a broken latrine. There's only two more days of camp left and I've got some Good News and some Bad News.

The good news is: we all get a change of underwear!
(everyone cheers)

The bad news is: you change with him, you change with him, you change with him, ...

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Not Enough Parachutes

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 scouts
Pilot, President, Scout, Smartest Man in the World
Preparation:line up 4 chairs in a column sideways to the audience. These are the seats on the plane. Pilot stands by the plane.
Notes:scouts should sit with scout in back, then smart man, then president, then pilot in front.
Script:Pilot: (to arriving passenger) Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
President: (quite importantly) I am the President of the United States.
Pilot: Welcome aboard, Mr. President. Please take a seat.

Pilot: (to arriving passenger) Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Smart Man: (very importantly) I am the Smartest Man in the World. I've just been awarded this wonderful 'Smart Guy' award and I'm heading to my laboratory to think about important things.
Pilot: Welcome aboard, sir. Please take a seat.

Pilot: (to arriving passenger) Good afternoon. Please tell me who you are so I can cross-check our passenger list.
Person: I am a Scout on my way to [make up something specific for your group].
Pilot: Welcome aboard. Please take a seat.

Pilot: (takes seat in cockpit) This is your pilot. We are cleared for take-off. Please buckle your seatbelts and enjoy the ride.
(plane takes off and everyone looks out the windows for a few seconds.)
Pilot: (looks nervously at controls. Taps instruments, then addresses passengers) I'm sorry to report that we have a major malfunction. The plane is losing altitude and we will crash in 2 minutes. We will need to parachute to safety. Please follow me.
(as he walks to rear of plane, president, smartest man, and scout fall in behind him.)
(pilot counts parachutes and addresses passengers.)
Pilot: I have more bad news. We only have 3 parachutes.
President: (pushing past pilot to rear and grabbing a parachute) I am the President! My country needs me! (and he jumps out)
Smart Man: (pushing past pilot to rear and grabbing a parachute) I am the world's Smartest Man! I must live so I can do important things! (and he jumps out)
Pilot: (to scout) Well, there's only one chute left. You take it. I guess the pilot will go down with his ship.
Scout : Actually, there are 2 chutes left.
Pilot: Really? How is that possible?
Scout : Well, the Smartest Man in the World just jumped out with my knapsack!


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Nuts, the Elephant

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:large grey blanket
4 scouts
1 cup of water
Preparation:2 scouts bend over at waist, 2nd holding waist of first. Put blanket over them to create an elephant.
2nd scout holds a cup of water in one hand at the waist of the first.
Script:Remember, the elephant's name is 'NUTS' - that is important.
It's also important to have a volunteer you are pretty sure can take a joke and getting wet.



Trainer: Ladies and Gentlemen, have we got a treat for you today! Please welcome my new trained elephant, 'NUTS!'.
"Come, Nuts!" - and the elephant walks onstage.
"Stop, Nuts!" - and the elephant stops.

Trainer: Folks, you will be amazed at the tricks NUTS can do. Watch this.

"Sit, Nuts!" - the back end squats down.
"Stand, Nuts!" - the back comes up.

Trainer: NUTS is so well trained, he can walk over people. I will need a couple volunteers for this trick. I promise he will not step on you.
(it may take some coaxing to get two volunteers)

Have volunteers lay down on the floor beside each other with space between.

Trainer: "Walk, Nuts!"

From the back of the room, as NUTS is stepping over the volunteers, the last scout walks forward, shouting: "Pea-nuts! Pea-nuts! Get your Pea-nuts here!"
(and, of course, the 2nd scout in the elephant lifts one leg and pours the cup of water.)

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Nutty Fisherman

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:fishing pole†

bucket†

chair
Preparation:2 scouts
Script:Center stage is a scout fishing from a tin can or bucket, he keeps pulling the rod as though he has something on the line. A passerby looks at him as he walks past and then walks on, after a few steps the passerby comes back to the scout.

Passerby: 'What ya doing there?'

Fisher: 'I'm fishing, what's it like I'm doin?'

Passerby: 'Fishing eh!, what are you fishing for.'

Fisher: 'I'm fishing for suckers.'

Passer by: 'Have you caught any?'

Fisher: 'Yes you're the third one today!'

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Oh What a Goose I Am

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:1 scout
3 or more victims
turban or towel around head
chair or table
Preparation:Scout sits cross-legged on table top or chair with turban on his head, looking mystic.
Script:Shaman: I am the Supernatural Shaman of Siam. I have been enlightened and now understand everything about everything.
Shaman: Today, I will share my enlightenment with a few of you here that are most in need.
(With a look of extreme concentration, call forward a few of the leaders.)
Shaman: My mystic powers tell me that here today we DO have leaders in need of enlightenment. Mr. ________, Mr. ________, Ms. _______, ... - you are in need. Please approach my mightiness so I may aid you in your efforts to Do Your Best.
(hopefully, the people will come forward. you may need to add a little more coaxing and ask their scouts to help get them up to the stage.)
(once they are all present.)
Shaman: I have discovered the secret to better leadership, inner peace, and better rest. It is a simple mantra to be repeated every morning upon waking. I will now teach you so that you may prosper and you may teach it to others, being the great leaders that you are.
Shaman: Now, repeat after me.
Shaman: (puts arms straight down) OWHA!
Shaman: (puts arms straight out) TAGOO!
Shaman: (puts arms straight up) SIAM!
Shaman: Very Good! The meaning of this mantra is ancient and difficult to translate, but it pretty much means "Siam is #1!"
Shaman: Try the mantra one more time. (repeats leading it.)
Shaman: Good, I think you have it! The enlightenment comes from rapid repetition of the mantra in time with those around you so we will practice that now just to be sure you have it. Please form a line facing the audience.
Shaman: Do the mantra again. (repeats leading it.)
Shaman: Repeat it faster now.
Shaman: Faster.
Shaman: Faster! Keep going!
(as they do it faster, the words will slur into OwhatagooseIam - oh, what a goose I am.


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Ole, Champion Tree Climber
A Favorite Skit

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts
Notes:This is a campfire skit and works best outside where there are bushes and trees. It is an MC run-on to fill in between other skits.
Script:MC: (to audience) You are lucky to be here this evening. You will witness a tree climbing demonstration by the world-record tree climber, Ole Petersen. Ole, come on down!

Ole: Hiya, it's sure good to be here, yah!

MC: Well, Ole, are you ready to demonstrate your skills? Go ahead and find a tree out there and start climbing!

(Ole runs offstage left or right into the woods out of sight. MC gives him a while to start 'climbing')

MC: Ole! How high are you?
Ole: Oh, I'd say I'm about 25 feet up. It's pretty hard climbing.
MC: Well, we'll check in with Ole after this next [skit, song, announcement,...]

(do another skit. When it is finished, check in with Ole)

MC: Hey, Ole, how high are you now?
Ole: Oh, I'd say I'm up about 50 feet now! The air's getting a little thin.
MC: Wow! He's doing great! Keep it up, Ole! We'll check in with Ole after this next skit.

MC: Hey, Ole, how high are you now?
Ole: Oh, I'd say I'm up about 100 feet now! I can see for miles up here!
MC: Ole! The tallest trees in this forest are only 70 feet!
Ole: Aaaaaaaaaahhhh! (make crashing noise in bushes)


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Olive the Other Reindeer

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts
Script:Announcer: (very enthusiastically)
Good evening everyone! Tonight, one lucky member of our audience will win $10,000 - if he correctly answers our skill question!
(Scans the audience and picks out the planted helper)
You, sir, would you like a chance at this great prize?

Helper: You bet!
(Leaves the audience and joins the announcer on the stage)

Announcer: Today's question is: "Name two of Santa's reindeer!" You have 5 seconds to think about it. No help from the audience, please.
(Make buzzer sound)
Time's up! Now, give me one of the two reindeer names.

Helper: Oh, I know - Rudolph!

Announcer: (jumping with joy) Yes! That's absolutely correct! Just one more name and you've won $10,000!
Now, for $10,000 what is your second reindeer's name?

Helper: (Thinks and scratches his head)
Hmmm, now how does that song go? Let's see ...
Ah, I've got it!
Olive!

Announcer: What? Olive! Whoever heard of a reindeer named Olive?

Helper: They sing about her in the song about Rudolph. They sing "Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names!"

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Olympic Blanket Tossing Team

Intended for:All Scouts
Script:This takes about six scouts, who form a circle around an invisible blanket, with a small invisible guy (Bruce) who sits in the middle of the invisible blanket and gets tossed. Having a rope tied into a circle makes a good fke blanket.

Leader:We're the Olympic blanket tossing team, and Bruce in the middle here is our star blanket bouncer. We'll toss Bruce a bit just to warm up.
One, two, three!
One, two, three!
One, two, three!

(On three each time, the team lets the pretend blanket go slack, then pull it taught. They watch the invisible Bruce go up in the air, then come down, and then gently catch him again in the blanket. Each time they toss him higher. The team has to be in sync, and they have to watch about the same spot : the easiest way to do this is to have everyone just imitate the leader, who is the speaker.)

Leader: OK, are we all limbered up now? The team murmers in agreement.
Leader: OK, then let's toss Bruce a bit higher. One, two, three! (Bruce goes up, and the team adjusts their position a bit to catch him as he comes down.)

Leader: One, two, three! (This time, wait about five to seven seconds, and move quite a bit to get under him. Move this way and that before finally catching him.)

Leader: One, two, three! (fifteen seconds this time, almost loose track of him, adjust the position here, there, and here again.)

Leader: What? What's that you say, Bruce?
Audience, you are in luck! Bruce wants to go for the world record blanket toss!
Leader: Ready team? One! Two! Thu-reee!!! (A mighty toss! The team shifts positions, like trying to catch a high fly ball.)
Leader: There he goes! He's past the trees! He's really up there!
(looking hard into the sky) Do you see him? I've lost him. Where'd he go?
Oh well. (The team leaves the stage, and the program continues.)

After another skit and song, and preferably in the middle of awards or announcements of some sort...

Leader: Hey, there's Bruce! Quick team!
(The blanket tossing team runs back on stage, positions themselves this way and that, and catches Bruce.)

Leader: Let's have a big hand for Bruce! Yeay!!!


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One Bright Morning
A Favorite Skit

Intended for:All Scouts
Notes:This is a monologue poem. It's more fun to tell it in a scary story voice around a campfire.
Script:I come before you, to stand behind you,
To tell you something I know nothing about.
Admission is free, so pay at the door;
Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.

Early this morning late last night
Two dead soldiers began to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other.

A legless donkey passing by
Kicked both men right in the eye.
It knocked them over a 10 foot wall
Into a ditch and drowned them all.

A deaf policeman heard their cries
And came and shot those two dead guys.
If you don't believe this story's true,
Ask the blind man - he saw it too!

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Operation

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 scouts
a sheet of paper
bright spotlight
large white sheet
table
frying pan or wooden mallet
stuffed toy, coiled rope, tin can, ... selection of items in a box
Preparation:the table is set up center stage with the bright light behind it and almost at the same height as the table, aiming at audience.
Two scouts are needed to hold the sheet up between the audience and table
Doctor needs to set the box on the floor behind the table and place all the items on the table while being shielded from the audience and the light is off.
Script:Doctor and nurse are in his office.
Scout comes running in, holding a sheet of paper in his hand.

Scout: Hey, Doc, I really need your help.

Doctor: Certainly! Nurse, anesthetize the patient!

Scout: But, Doc!
(Nurse pulls out mallet or frying pan and pretends to thump scout on the head.)

Scout 'falls' onto his back on the table so his head is at one end and his feet at the other. All the items are beside him on the table.

The nurse turns on the spotlight.

Doctor cuts open the patient's stomache and pulls out items one at a time and tosses them aside. The fun is in the shadows cast on the sheet as he pulls items out. He might adlib for each item he finds.

Occasionally, the patient can begin to "come to" and say "BUT, DOC!" and the nurse should quickly thump him again as soon as he starts to talk.

Finally, the doctor finishes and sews up the patient.
The sheet is lowered.

Doctor: There, all done! Wake up, sir! You should feel much better now.

Scout: But, Doc! (holds up paper) I just needed your help in finding this address!




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Out of Film

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:6 scouts
Lead Actor as "Black Bart"
Supporting actor as "The Sheriff"
Supporting actor as "The stagecoach"
Supporting actor as "The Crier"
The Director
The Cameraman
Notes:The cameraman needs to be persistent but not forceful so the director makes him wait.
Script:A big movie studio is filming the new western action film "Black Bart Returns".

Director sits in chair, cameraman stands by him. Other actors are on the side of the stage, waiting for their cues.

Director: Places, everyone, places!
Cameraman: (somewhat timidly) Excuse me, sir...
Director: Not now, we're doing this scene Now! OK, ACTION!
(cameraman pretends to hold up his camera and film the scene)

Crier: (runs to center stage) Black Bart is Back in town!!! (runs offstage)
Black Bart: (swaggering to center stage) Where's that no-good, weak-kneed, yella-bellied, candy-eatin', jelly-spined sheriff?
Sheriff: (entering from offstage) Ah'm right here, Black Bart! And, you're not welcome in this town!
(they face each other and as Black Bart draws his gun, the sheriff draws faster and shoots him dead.)
Director: CUT! Not bad, but it needs to be more [graceful, violent, tearful, manly, a musical, ... whatever silly ways you can think of] Take it from the top. Places!
(whatever way the director says, the actors will go way overboard in that manner. Like dancing like ballerinas instead of swaggering)
Cameraman: I'm sorry sir, I really need to talk to you...
Director: Be quiet! OK, ACTION!
(cameraman pretends to hold up his camera and film the scene)

(repeat the director demanding something different and the cameraman trying to tell him something a couple more times. For the last take, the director says...)
Director: OK, put all that together and get it right this time!
Cameraman: But, sir, I can't...
Director: Shut up! OK, ACTION!
(cameraman pretends to hold up his camera and film the scene)
Director: Terrific! That was perfect. Ok, let me see how that looked in the camera.
(All the actors congratulate each other and are very relieved to finally be done with the scene. Director goes up to cameraman and starts looking in viewer.)
Cameraman: I'm sorry sir, I've been trying to tell you - There's no film in the camera!
(everyone chases the cameraman offstage)

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Outrun the Bear

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts wearing boots.
pair of tennis shoes.
Preparation:Scout #2 should have his boots very loosely laced so they can come off quickly.
Script:(scouts sitting center stage as if they are keeping warm around a campfire)

Scout #1: Nice fire.
Scout #2: Yep, nice night too.
(pause)
Scout #1: What was that? Did you hear something?
Scout #2: Yep, sounded like a bear to me. Off over that way. (points offstage. Then, starts untieing his boots.)
(pause until his boots are about off.)
Scout #1: Hey! There it is again. Sounds closer.
(from here on, #1 sould occasionally glance over his shoulder toward the bear and looking scared.)
Scout #2: Yep, sure does. (has boots off and starts slipping on tennis shoes.)
Scout #1: What are you doing?
Scout #2: I'm just putting on my tennis shoes.
Scout #1: Duh! WHY are you putting on your tennis shoes?
Scout #2: Because it sounds like that bear is heading right into our camp.
Scout #1: But, bears are much faster than you - those shoes won't help you outrun that bear.
Scout #2: I don't have to outrun the bear - I just have to outrun you!
(both scouts run offstage away from the bear, with #2 in the lead and #1 clomping after him and screaming.)


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Panther Tracks

Intended for:All Scouts
Script:Scout 1: Hey! Look at thest animal tracks. I wonder what they are?
Scout 2: They look like cat tracks to me - BIG cat tracks.
Scout 1: Hmmmmm, you don't suppose they're Mountain Lion tracks, do you?
Scout 2: I don't know. Let's look closer.
(both bend way over to inspect)
Scout 1: Look - here's a broken twig in this track. Hey - here's a squished bug in this one. Looks like a fire ant.
Scout 2: Aha! Panther Tracks!
Scout 1: Panther? How do you know they're panther tracks?
Scout 2: Close Observation, young grasshopper. See here? And here? More fire ants.
Scout 1: So? Just because some bugs got stepped on, how do you know it's a Panther?
Scout 2: That's easy. Follow the pattern with me.
(walking across stage, pointing to each track, singing the Pink Panther tune...)
Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Aaaaant, Deeeeeead Ant"

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Pass the Pepper

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:4 to 8 scouts
Script:Scouts squatting in a line facing the audience as if they are sitting on chairs. Or, have them actually sit on chairs.

Scout #1: (to the one next to him) Pass the Pepper.
(each scout passes the request to the end where the last scout grabs a small bottle and passes it back)
Scout #1: (reading the bottle) Not BLACK Pepper. I want the Pepper.
(each scout passes the request to the end where the last scout grabs a small bottle and passes it back)
Scout #1: (reading the bottle) Not CEYENNE Pepper. I want the Pepper.
(each scout passes the request to the end where the last scout grabs a small bottle and passes it back)
Scout #1: (reading the bottle) Not LEMON Pepper. I want the Pepper.
(each scout passes the request to the end where the last scout is very frustrated and out of bottles.)
Last Scout : WHAT KIND OF PEPPER DO YOU WANT?
Scout #1: The TOILET Pepper!


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Penguin Soup

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 or more scouts
Script:(scouts stand in line except for patrol leader.)
Leader: Patrol ATTENTION!
(scouts snap to attention.)
Leader: This patrol is the BEST patrol in the troop! To become the best, we have practiced our skills, gotten lots of exercise and sleep, and most importantly gotten great nutrition! We have discovered the one food source that makes us the BEST!
(faces Scout #1)
Leader:Scout! What did you have for breakfast?
Scout : Penguin soup, sir!
Leader: That's right! Penguin soup is the best way to start the day!
(faces Scout #2)
Leader:Scout! What did you have for lunch?
Scout : Penguin soup, sir!
Leader: That's right! Penguin soup is the best way to keep up your energy on those long days of adventure!
(faces Scout #3.)
Leader:Scout! What did you have for supper?
Scout : Penguin soup, sir!
Leader: That's right! Penguin soup keeps our bodies strong all night long!

Leader: So, Patrol, what do we eat for breakfast?
Scouts: Penguin soup, sir!
Leader: What do we eat for lunch?
Scouts: Penguin soup, sir!
Leader: What do we eat for supper?
Scouts: Penguin soup, sir!

Leader: That's right. Left face! Forward, march!
(entire line of scouts waddles like penguins offstage.)


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Penny Candy

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 scouts - Narrator, Storekeeper, Kid
Notes:You could act this out between other skits or songs with one day being done each scene.
Script:(store keeper is dusting his counter, waiting for customers to come into his candy store.)

Narrator: One day in a candy shop...
Storekeeper: What a great day! There will be lots of kids buying candy today!
Kid: Hi, I'd like 5 of those penny candies up on the top shelf. (points way up behind storekeeper)
Storekeeper: You mean those candies waaaaay up there? (points up)
Kid: Yep!
(storekeeper turns and climbs up, up, up a pretend ladder, gets the candies, and brings them down.)
Storekeeper: That'll be 5 cents, please.
Kid: Here you go. Thanks! (Kid leaves)

Narrator: The next day...
(storekeeper is dusting countertop when kid enters)
Kid: Hi, I'd like 5 of those penny candies up on the top shelf. (points way up behind storekeeper)
Storekeeper: You mean those candies waaaaay up there? (points up)
Kid: Yep!
(storekeeper turns and slowly climbs up, up, up a pretend ladder, gets the candies, and brings them down.)
Storekeeper: That'll be 5 cents, please.
Kid: Here you go. Thanks! (Kid leaves)

(repeat this at least once more, with the storekeeper getting more tired each time, until finally...)
Narrator: The next day...
(storekeeper is dusting countertop when kid enters)
Storekeeper: Aha! I see that kid coming. I know what he's going to buy so I'll get the candies ready for him. (he climbs up and gets 5 candies)
(kid enters)
Storekeeper: Hello, I bet I know what you want - 5 candies from way up on top, right?
Kid: Nope, not today.
Storekeeper: (big sigh) Oh, then wait a minute while I put these back. (climbs all the way up, puts the candies away, and climbs down)
Storekeeper: OK, what WOULD you like today?
Kid: I only have 3 cents so I would like THREE of those penny candies up on the top shelf!

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Plane Engine Trouble

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 or more scouts
chairs for each
Can lid or something to make a crash sound.
Preparation:line chairs up to create an airplane seating layout. Have the pilot in front.
All scouts come in and sit down.
Script:Pilot: This is your pilot. We have reached our cruising altitude of 30,000 feet. Please relax and enjoy the ride. We should arrive in approximately 2 hours.
(Pause)
(Pilot hits lid to make crash sound.)
(all passengers look around confused and frightened.)
Pilot: Some of you may have noticed a slight disturbance. That was our #4 engine. It had a malfunction and is not working. Please do not be alarmed, we will still make the trip but it will now take 3 hours.
(passengers complain a little and look disappointed.)
(pause)
(Pilot hits lid to make crash sound.)
(all passengers look around confused and frightened.)
Pilot: Don't be worried, everyone. That was our #3 engine. The fuel line broke. We'll still make the trip but it will now take 5 hours.
(passengers complain a little and look disappointed.)
(pause)
(Pilot hits lid to make crash sound.)
(all passengers look around confused and frightened.)
Pilot: Sorry, a little more bad news. That was our #2 engine. A seagull ran into it and it's offline. I'm afraid our trip will now take 7 hours.
(passengers complain a little and look disappointed.)
(pause)
(Pilot hits lid to make crash sound.)
(all passengers look around confused and frightened.)
Pilot: (in a paniced voice) People, that was our #1 engine!
Passenger: Oh Great! Now we're gonna be stuck up here all day!

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Professor's Address

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts
Script:First scout stands at center stage while second scout stands off to side of stage, adjusting glasses, smoothing hair, etc.

Scout 1: Ladies and gentlemen, today we have the great fortune to have with us, one of the most knowledgable scientists of our age. He has won uncountable awards for his inventions, theories, and experiments. Through his work, our world has seen great improvements in environment, social quality, and technical efficiency.
Scout 1: His works are only overshadowed by his ability to explain and teach these extremely complicated ideas to other normal people such as you and me. We are very lucky to have him here today to talk with us.
So, please welcome the most honorable, Professor Plintnick. (pause and lead clapping while second person walks to center stage)
Scout 1: Professor Plintnick will now give his address. (first scout walks offstage)

Scout 2: (adjust glasses, smooth hair, and clear throat) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
My address is 1486 Sycamore Lane. Thank you.
(walks offstage)

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Pulling and Pushing Rope

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 scouts
a big rope
a big rope with a long, stiff wire through the center of it to make it stiff.
Script:One scout takes center stage and begins explaining the next skit or announcement. Then, the second scout enters, dragging a rope around in front of the first scout and around him.

Scout #1: What are you doing?
Scout #2: Pulling a rope around.
Scout #1: Why!?!
Scout #2: You don't expect me to PUSH it do you?
(#2 exits and #1 begins talking again while #3 enters pushing the stiff rope and circles #1)

Scout #1: What do you think you're doing?
Scout #3: Pushing a rope around of course. Anyone can PULL a rope, but it takes real skill to PUSH one!

(#1 can chase #3 off stage)


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Puppy In a Box

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 scouts
a box
optional stuffed dog
Script:Scout #2 and #3 are standing center stage. Scout #1 walks up to them carrying a box.

Scout #1: Hi, guys. Would you mind holding onto my box for me while I go in the store to buy some candy? I'll get you each a piece.
Scout #2: Sure. (takes the box and #1 leaves)
Scout #2: Hey, this box is leaking. What is that? (#3 wipes the box bottom with his finger and tastes it.)
Scout #3: Hmmm, tastes like chicken soup.
Scout #2: (takes a taste) Nah, its more like lemon juice.
(Scout #1 returns)
Scout #1: Thanks, guys. Here's your candy. (opens top of box and looks in. Pulls out stuffed dog.)
Scout #1: Oh, Fido! Look at the mess you made!

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Raisin Fly

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 or 5 scouts
Script:One scout walks across stage pretending a fly is buzzing around his head. Stops at center stage and finally swings and hits it, knocking it to the ground. With a proud look on his face, he brushes his hands together and walks offstage.

(scout #2 walks to center stage and spies the fly.)
Scout #2: Hey, a dead fly. I love to pull the wings off. (and, he does it. Then, walks offstage)

(Scout #3 walks to center stage and spies the fly.)
Scout #3: Hey, a dead fly. I love to pull the legs off. (and, he does it. Then, walks offstage)

(Scout #4 walks to center stage and spies the fly.)
Scout #4: Hey, a dead fly. I love to pull the heads off. (and, he does it. Then, walks offstage)

(Scout #5 walks to center stage and spies the fly.)
Scout #5: Hey, a raisin! (Picks it up and pops it in his mouth. Then, walks offstage)


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Raking an Invisible Garden

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts
Notes:Make sure this skit is done right after the Invisible Bench skit.

Also, see the Add-Ons to the Invisible Bench skits.
Script:Scout #1 is onstage, pretending to rake his garden.
Scout #2 walksup.
Scout #2: What are you doing?
Scout #1: Raking an invisible garden!
Scout #2: Oooohhhh, just like that last weird skit!

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Run-aways

Intended for:All Scouts
Script:You need three scouts to play trees.
You need three scouts to be running away from the dogs.
You need three scouts to be two dogs and a warden.

Three scouts stand on stage, playing the role of trees.

Three run-away scouts come running on stage from the side with dogs barking offstage.

Run-away #1: Quick, we've got to hide. The warden with his dogs are right behind us!

Run-away #2: Hey, climb these trees and pretend to be an animal and they'll never catch us!

Run-away #3: Good idea!

(all three climb a different tree)

(Warden comes on stage, with two dogs barking and sniffing the trail to the first tree. The dogs start barking up the tree.)

Run-away #1: Tweet, Tweet, Tweet

Warden: Dumb dogs, there's just a bird up there, let's go!

(dogs bark and sniff to the 2nd tree)

Run-away #2: Meow, Meow, Meow

Warden: Dumb dogs, that's just a cat up there.

(dogs bar and sniff to 3rd tree)

Run-away #3: Mooooooo!

(Dogs bark in a frenzy and warden gets the run-away)


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Short Runway
A Favorite Skit

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:as many scouts as you want in your airplane.
Script:Scouts line up in double column as if in a small airplane with pilot and copilot in front.

pilot: (flying along, squinting out the window) Man, I hate these night flights. Since this cheap airline made those cutbacks, half our instruments don't work. Can you see the airport yet?
copilot: Nope, but I'm looking.
pilot: (after a short pause) We're getting low on fuel. We better find that runway soon! Sure wish this cheap airline would spring for a radio.
copilot: (pointing to the right and down) I think I see it - Over to the right!
(pilot steers to the right, everyone leans)
pilot: I can't see it. Sure wish this cheap airline would install brighter lights!
pilot: Aha! There it is. I can see a couple lights. Here we go!
(start a dive, other scouts lean forward and give sound effects)
copilot: I think we're coming in too fast!
pilot: Give me 20 degree flaps and we'll slow this bird down.
copilot: 20 degree flaps, sir! (moves brake lever and sound effects)
pilot: More flaps and cut back the engines!
copilot: 40 degree flaps! (move brakes and throttle)
pilot: It's gonna be tight! Full flaps and cut the engines!
copilot: Full flaps, sir!
pilot: Hang on! (everyone lurches as they hit the runway and bounce to a quick stop)
pilot: Whew, we made it! Man! That was a SHORT runway!
copilot: (looking to left and then right) Yep, and WIDE too!

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Sleep Over

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 scouts
bundle of clothes
Script:Two scouts are playing with toys.
Bill: Hey, Bob, I hear something. Is that rain?
Bob: Sounds like it.
Bill: When you came over to play, there wasn't a cloud in the sky.
Bob: Sure wasn't.
Bill: Wow, look out the window. It's just pouring down!
Bob: Sure is.
(Dad enters room)
Dad: Bob, I can't let you go home in this storm. You'll catch cold.
Bill: Dad, can Bob sleep over? Please?
Dad: Sure, but you'll need to clean your room first. Come on.
(Bill and Dad exit the stage while Bob keeps playing)
(After a few seconds, Bob jumps up as if he just remembered something and runs off stage the other direction.)
(Bill returns.)
Bill: Bob, my room's clean and your bed's ready. Bob? Bob?
(Bob comes running in, holding a bundle of clothes)
Bill: Bob! You're soaking wet! Where have you been?
Bob: Since I'm sleeping over, I ran home to get my pajamas.

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Smart Astronaut

Intended for:All Scouts
Script:Three astronauts discussing their upcoming space missions.

Scout 1: I just got my mission orders. Iím going to Mars.
Scout 2: I got my mission, too. Iím going to Neptune.
Scout 3: Iím going to the Sun.
Scouts 1 and 2: That's ridiculous. No way. It's too hot. You'll burn up.
Scout 3: I'm not stupid - I'm going at night!

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Smoke Signals

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:1 scout
optional binoculars
Script:#1: Wow, it's great to be out here in the wilds.
#1: Hey, what's that over there? Looks like smoke signals.
#1: Fortunately, I learned smoke signalling at camp last summer. Let me see if I can read them.
#1: (looking through binoculars and sounding out each word)
Help . . . my . . . blanket . . . is . . . on . . . fire.

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Soup and Flies

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:four scouts
Script:(three scouts sit around their table)

Waiter: Welcome to the Soup Bowl. What would you like?
Diner #1: I'll have bean and bacon soup.
Waiter: Oh no, beef barley is much healthier.
Diner #1: Okay, make it beef barley, then.

Waiter: And you, sir?
Diner #2: Chili.
Waiter: All that fat and grease? Alphabet soup is better for you.
Diner #2: Ok, ok, alphabet soup would be fine.

Waiter: And how about you?
Diner #3: What would you suggest?
Waiter: I'm just the waiter, I don't have time to make suggestions.
Diner #3: Fine, I'll have clam chowder and a bowl of ice cream.

(waiter brings out soup orders and sets them down)
Diner #1: Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Shhh, everyone else will want one too.

Diner #2: Waiter! There's a fly in my alphabet soup!
Waiter: How cute, he's learning to read.

Diner #3: Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Hmmm, looks like the backstroke, sir.

Diner #1: Waiter! This fly is still in my soup.
Waiter: Quick, throw him a life preserver.

Diner #2: Waiter! I took this fly out of my soup. What should I do now?
Waiter: Give him CPR!

Diner #3: Waiter! There's a fly in my ice cream, too!
Waiter: Wow! I didn't know they did winter sports, too.

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Sponge Butt Prank

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 scouts and a good-humored victim from the audience
A bucket with a wet sponge.

4 chairs - 1 facing the other 3 sideways to the audience.
bag of candy
Preparation:One scout is the leader, two are contestants, and one is off stage with the wet sponge behind where the 3 contestants will sit.
Notes:It is possible to double-cross with this skit and have a second accomplice that puts a sponge on the leader's seat or on all the contestants seats.
Script:Leader: Welcome to the latest game show sensation - Follow My Lead! Today, we need 3 contestants from the audience to play for these great prizes.
(hold up bag of candy)
(choose 2 accomplices from audience and one victim)

Leader: Please take a seat here.
(point to chairs. Accomplices make sure victim sits closest to audience)
Leader: OK, here's how the game is played. You just follow my lead and do what I do. When someone makes a mistake, they are disqualified. The last one wins! Let's go! Watch me closely at all times.

(leader sits in single chair, feet flat on the floor and hands in lap, looking straight ahead.)
Leader: (stands) Chicka-Chicka. (sits) Boom-Boom.
(contestants repeat)
Leader: (stands) Chicka. (sits) Boom. (stands) Chicka. (sits) Boom.
(contestants repeat)
Leader: (stands and raises hands straight up) Chicka-Chicka. (puts hands straight forward and sits) Boom-Boom.
(contestants repeat)

(now the offstage helper sneaks forward so the victim can not see him)
Leader: (covers eyes with hands and stands) Chicka-Boom. (uncovers eyes, raises eyes to ceiling and sits) Chicka-Boom.
(as soon as contestants stand, helper puts sponge on victim's seat. contestants repeat)


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Squirrels Think I'm Nuts

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:2 scouts
Preparation:1 scout stands center stage. 1 scout is offstage.
Script:First scout stands centerstage.
Second scout comes running onstage yelling and screaming and waving his arms around like a crazy person.
Scout #2: They're after me! They're after me!
Scout #1: What's the matter?
Scout #2: They're after me!
Scout #1: Who's after you?
Scout #2: The Squirrels are after me! They think I'm NUTS!
(2nd scout runs off screaming and waving arms)

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Stiff Neck

Intended for:All Scouts
Script:One scout standing center stage with his head tilted way back.

Second scout walks up to first and looks up into the sky to see what he is looking at.

Continue having scouts come onstage making a line until only one scout is left to enter.

Last scout comes onstage and looks up. Then asks the scout ahead of him.
Last Scout: What are you looking at?

Previous Scout: I don't know.
Then, asks the scout ahead of him, ... all the way up to the first scout.

First Scout: I'm not looking at anything. I just have a stiff neck.


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Taking My Case to Court

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:1 Master of Ceremonies
1 Scout
briefcase or empty soda case
ladder
flashlight
banana
Script:MC stands center stage to give announcements or something.
(Scout #1 walks quickly across stage in front of MC, caring his case.)
MC: Hey, what are you doing? I'm trying to do some things here.
Scout #1: I'm taking my CASE to court! (and, exits stage)
(MC announces next skit or song and it occurs.)

(MC center stage. Scout walks up to MC, sets down his case, positions the MC's hands palms up in front of him, and places the case on them.)
MC: What are you doing?
Scout #1: I REST my case! (grabs case and exits stage)
(MC announces next skit or song and it occurs.)

(MC center stage. Scout walks on opening and shutting the case.)
MC: What's that?
Scout #1: It's an OPEN and SHUT case! (exits stage)
(MC announces next skit or song and it occurs.)

(MC center stage. Scout walks on bending over searching all around.)
MC: Excuse me, what are you doing?
Scout #1: I lost my case! (and, exits stage)
(MC announces next skit or song and it occurs.)

(MC center stage. Scout walks on with case and shining flashlight ahead of him.)
MC: Excuse me, what are you doing?
Scout #1: I'm taking my case to Night Court! (and, exits stage)

(MC center stage. Scout walks on carrying case and ladder.)
MC: Hey, NOW what are you doing?
Scout #1: I'm taking my case to a HIGHER court!
(Scout walks offstage)

(MC center stage. From the sidelines, the case comes flying onto the stage and lands at the MCs feet. The scout comes tumbling running out as if he were thrown.)
MC: Whoa! Are you ok? What's going on?
Scout #1: My case got thrown out of court!
(Scout picks up case and walks offstage)

(MC center stage. Scout walks on carrying case under arm and peeling a banana.)
MC: Hey, now what are you doing?
Scout #1: I'm taking my case to the court of APPEALS!
(Scout walks offstage)

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Talking Trash

Intended for:All Scouts
Script:First scout walks to center stage and begins booming out as loud as he can.

Scout #1: Banana peel!
Pop bottle!
Tin can!
Coffee grounds!
Egg shells!
...

Scout #2 comes out: Hey, what are you doing?

Scout #1: I'm talking trash, man!

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Telling the Time

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 to 8 scouts
Notes:One scout is offstage. The rest are in a group center stage.
Script:Leader: We would like to share a survival tip with you all. If no one in your group has a watch, this is one way how you can still tell time.

All scouts run around in a small area until the leader raises his hand and they then immediately freeze. Everyone pauses to listen but nothing happens.

Repeat this a couple times until the scout offstage decides to reply.
Scout Offstage: Hey, you guys, SHUT UP! It's 11:00 o'clock at night!

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The Audition

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 scouts
Notes:Need to memorize the lines so they are the same each time.
Script:Scene: a director is holding auditions for actors in his play. 2 scouts show up to audition.

Director: Welcome to the auditions for my new play. Go ahead with your audition when you are ready.

(2 actors take places and begin their demonstration)
(they speak in monotone with no gestures at all - very boring)
Actor 1: Give me your money.
Actor 2: No.
Actor 1: Give me your money.
Actor 2: No.
Actor 1: I will shoot you and take it.
Actor 1: Bang. (with finger as gun)
Actor 2: (falls to floor, boringly)

Director: (jumps up enraged) That was pathetic! You call that acting!??! I want to see something with feeling! Show me something SAD!

(this time do the exact same lines, but both actors are crying through the whole thing)
Actor 1: Give me your money.
Actor 2: No.
Actor 1: Give me your money.
Actor 2: No.
Actor 1: I will shoot you and take it.
Actor 1: Bang. (with finger as gun)
Actor 2: (falls to floor, crying)

Director: No, No. Speed it up. I want some ACTION!

(this time do the exact same lines, but very, very fast)

Director: Way too fast! Slow down a little.

(this time do the exact same lines, but very, very slow)

Director: Oh, come on! How about trying some comedy - do something FUNNY!

(this time do the exact same lines, but the actors are laughing hysterically the whole time.)

Director: (gives up and screams ) Out, Out, OUT!


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The Good, the Bad, and the Remarkable

Intended for:Wolf Scouts, Bear Scouts, Webelos Scouts
Required:Costumes: 5 Goggles and scarves
Props: Cardboard airplane wings, 2 painted olive green for the Allies, 3 painted gray for the enemy.
Notes:A good project to create the props and practice the play.
Script:Written by Ellen Withee

Cast of Characters:
1 - Narrator
2 - U.S. Aces: (make up your own names)
Ryan the Remarkable
Nick The Navigator
3 - Enemy Pilots:
Dastardly Dan, The Devil of Deutschland:
Baron Josh Von Justajerk
Baron Nathanmeister Von Shootemdown


Narrator: World War I was the first time America used airplanes in military service. The brave pilots that flew the hostile skies over Europe are the subjects of today's story. We bring you, 'The Good, The Bad and The Remarkable.'
One fine day, we meet two Ace pilots from the United States. Introducing Ryan the Remarkable.

(Ryan flies in, stops at front of stage.)

Ryan: I'm remarkable! I'm a remarkable pilot, remarkably strong and remarkably handsome. (Poses) My feet smell remarkably good.

Narrator: Okay, okay. We get it!

(Ryan flies to the side of the stage.)

Narrator: And our second ace pilot is Nick the Navigator. Nick can navigate through anything.

(Nick flies in, stops at front of stage.)

Nick: I navigate!

(Nick smiles and winks at the audience, gives thumbs up, then joins Ryan at side of stage.)

Narrator: Our brave pilots have been on a reconnaissance mission and just found out the location of the enemy's secret air base.

(Nick flies up, making lots of corners. Stops at front of stage, gives thumbs up and flies off as Ryan flies up.)

Ryan: Aren't I remarkable?

Narrator: Suddenly three enemy planes approach. Our heroes recognize Dastardly Dan, the Devil of Deutschland.

(Daniel flies to the front, gives really evil laugh, rubs hands together like a villain, and then flies to the side.)

Narrator: Oh no! It's Baron JoshVon Justajerk!

(Josh flies to the front.)

Josh: I'm not just a jerk, I'm a Von Justajerk!

(Josh laughs evilly and flies to the side.)

Narrator: And as luck would have it, they were joined by Baron NathanMeister Von Shootemdown. He's known for his weapons of destruction.

(Nathan flies to front of stage, takes out a silly item like a dog squeaky toy or a banana, squeaks the toy, looks at it and shrugs, flies to the side.)

Narrator: Our pilots couldn't let these evil enemies keep them from completing their mission. It was time for a dogfight!

(All 5 pilots fly to center stage pretending to be shooting at their opponents. Then American aces make barking sounds and enemy pilots make catfight noises.)

Narrator: Dastardly Dan has taken a hit!

(Daniel flies to front, shakes his fist at Americans.)

Daniel: Curses! I'll be back, you. you. Americans!

(Daniel flies to side of stage as Ryan the Remarkable flies to front.)

Ryan: That was remarkably easy!

(Nick joins him.)

Nick: He wasn't a very good navigator.

(Nathan and Josh fly to the front as 2 Aces fly off.)

Nathan and Josh: But we're still here!

(The four pilots resume fighting.)

Ellen: It looks like NathanMeister has taken a hit.

(Nathan flies slowly to the front.)

Nathan: I'm losing speed! That's so na-s-t-y.

(His voice trails away as he flies to the side. Nick the Navigator and Ryan the Remarkable do a high five. Ryan then flies past the front of the stage.)

Ryan: Remarkable!

(Dastardly Dan sputters slowly back to the front.)

Daniel: I told you I'd be back.
(His plane starts acting up in some way.)
Curses!

(Daniel flies to side again.)

NathanMeister (from the side): That's nasty!

Josh: No jerk is going to stop a Von Justajerk. I can't let the Americans succeed.

(Both Americans start flying toward Josh. Josh flies away from them then back to the front of the stage.)

Josh: Those Jerks!

(Josh flies to the side in retreat. The Americans cheer and fly to the front.)

Nick: It's time to get back to the base. I'll navigate.

Ryan (to Nick): You're remarkable!

Nick (to Ryan): Look who's talking!

(Both fly to back of the stage. Three enemy pilots fly to the front, waving their fists at the Americans.)

Enemy pilots: See you in the next world war!

Daniel: I'll be back!

(All 5 pilots come to front, stand in a line, the three enemies on one end, Ryan the Remarkable in the center, Nick on the other side of him.)

Entire Cast: And that's the story of the Good, (Nick the Navigator takes a step forward and bows), the Bad, (three enemy pilots step forward and bow) and the remarkable. (Ryan steps forward.)

Ryan (shrugging his shoulders): What can I say?

Entire Cast: The End!

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The Psychic

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts
Script:This is more of a parlor trick that takes two to perform.
One scout tells the group that his buddy is a Psychic - he can tell what the group is thinking of.
To prove it, have the psychic leave the room.
Have the group then select an object - any object in the room.
Have the psychic rejoin the group.
The first scout then asks the psychic what the group is thinking of:
- Is it Bob's neckerchief? - No
- Is it Charlie's black shoes? - No
- Is it Paul's gold watch? - Yes!

Secret: The object the scout asks the psychic about just before the real object is always black. You don't always have to say the color because the "psychic" can tell by looking. So, once the scout asks about a black object, he knows the next object is the correct one.

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Throwing Little Stones

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 or more scouts
Preparation:people are indians coming to Brave School
1 person is leader
smallest person is Little Stones
Script:Indian Brave is waiting center stage for little indians to arrive for Brave School. First indian arrives.
Brave: What is your name, little indian?
Scout #1: My name is Running Duck.
Brave: Running Duck, why are you late for first day of Brave School? You will never be big brave like me if you are always late.
Scout #1: Sorry, Big Brave. I was throwing little stones in the raging river.

(next scout runs in.)
Brave: What is your name, little indian?
Scout #2: My name is Slender Trees.
Brave: Slender Trees, why are you late for first day of Brave School? You will never be big brave like me if you are always late.
Scout #2: Sorry, Big Brave. I was throwing little stones at the birds in the trees.

(next scout runs in.)
Brave: What is your name, little indian?
Scout #3: My name is Tiny Bear.
Brave: Tiny Bear, why are you late for first day of Brave School? You will never be big brave like me if you are always late.
Scout #3: Sorry, Big Brave. I was throwing little stones off the tall cliff.

(repeat for all scouts, each making up a name and where they were throwing little stones...)

(last scout comes stumbling in battered and bruised and in pain.)
Brave: Why are you late, little indian? What is your name?
Last One: My name is Little Stones.


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Toothache

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 scouts
(optional) - pliers, apple, string, axe or hammer
Script:#1: Ooooh, my tooth is killing me!
#2: (holding up pliers) Hey, I can help. I'll just pull it right out.
#1: Oh, Ah, Ouch! (while #2 is using pliers in his mouth)
#2: Got it! How's that?
#1: That was the WRONG tooth!

(#3 comes along as #2 leaves)
#3: (handing an apple) Hey, chomp into this apple and it will pull the tooth for you.
#1: chomp, chomp, chomp (eating the apple)
Ugh, that was a green apple. Now my stomach aches.

(#4 comes along as #3 leaves)
#4: Here, tie this string to your tooth and I'll tie the other end to the door. When we slam it, your tooth will yank out.
(pretend to slam door and it hits #1 in the head)
#1: OW! You slammed the door into my poor head. Ow!

(#5 comes on with his hammer or axe as #4 leaves)
#1: Oooh, my tooth. Oooh, my stomach. Oooh, my head.
#5: Hey, I hear you have a toothache. I'm here to help!
#1: Noooooo! (as he runs offstage)



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Trained Caterpillar

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 scouts, big sheet, cup of water, rag or small cloth
Script:(4 scouts get under the sheet in a line so they can walk around like a caterpillar. They should all be bent over at the waist, holding the guy's waist ahead. The last guy has a small cup of water in his hand under the sheet)

Trainer: Ladies and Gentlemen! Today, you will see some new tricks performed by my amazing trained caterpillar, Floyd! Floyd, come on out! (caterpillar walks out onstage)

Trainer: Floyd, turn left!
Trainer: Floyd, turn right!
Trainer: Floyd, stop!
Trainer: Floyd, sit up! (front guy stands up, but stays under sheet)
Trainer: Floyd, lay down!
Trainer: Floyd, up! (caterpillar gets back up) Floyd, fetch! (throw the rag on the ground in front of Floyd so he can walk forward and the first guy can pick it up and take it to the trainer.)

Trainer: Floyd has been practicing a new trick all week, but we need a volunteer to help us. (Pick one from the audience)
Trainer: OK, lie down here and Floyd will walk over you without harming a hair on your head! OK, Floyd, march!
(Floyd carefully walks over the volunteer but at the last guy passes over, he lifts his leg towards the audience and dumps the cup of water.)
Trainer: Oops, I forgot Floyd isn't potty-trained yet.

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Turkey Hunt

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:at least 5 scouts
toy gun
Script:(Scout #1 stands facing audience center stage)
(Scout #2 enters carrying toy gun, looking around lke he is hunting.)
Scout #2: Excuse me, have you seen any turkeys around here? I'm hunting turkey for my Thanksgiving dinner.
(Scout #1 with a slightly scared look, shakes his head 'no')
Scout #3 runs across stage from the right and Scout #2 swings up his gun and shoots him.
Scout #2: Darn, just a squirrel! Please, I really need to find a turkey. Do you know where any are?
Scout #1 looks around scared and shakes his head 'no'.
Scout #4 runs across stage from the left and Scout #2 swings up his gun and shoots him.
Scout #2: Rats! just a rabbit. I know there are turkeys around here. You have to know where I can find one.
Scout #1 really shakes his head 'no'.
Repeat for as many animals you have - possum, skunk, butterfly, crow, ... with Scout #1 looking more worried and shaking his head harder each time.
Finally, the hunter gives up.
Scout #2: I give up! I guess I'll just go buy a chicken or something this year. (Sadly drags gun behind him as he exits stage)
Scout #1: (flip hands under arms, looks happy, and runs off stage flapping his arms) Gobble! Gobble! Gobble!

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Two Suckers On a Stick

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:1 board

5 scouts†
2 volunteers (victims)
Script:Choose 2 good-humored volunteers from the audience to help with the skit. Have each one hold up one end of the board to act as the counter in a candy shop.

One scout is the store owner and the other 4 scouts are customers that enter the store one at a time.

Customer 1: Do you have any gumdrops?
Owner: Sorry, I'm all out.
Customer 2: Do you have any bubble gum?
Owner: Sorry, I'm all out.
Customer 3: Do you have any chocolate covered ants?
Owner: Sorry, I'm all out.
Customer 4: Do you have any cookies?
Owner: Sorry, I'm all out.
Customer 4: Well, what DO you have?
Owner: How about these 2 big suckers on a stick?


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Typical Day in New York City
A Favorite Skit

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 scouts - 2 muggers, tourist(victim), and narrator
Preparation:Have two bigger scouts stage left and one smaller scout stage right. The two bigger scouts are muggers and smaller scout is a tourist.
Notes:Every time this skit is done, it's done a little different and the scouts always enjoy it. It can be re-run at slower and slower speeds, each time having more activity building on the previous speed. After at most 4 runs through, its time to stop.
Script:Narrator: You are about to view a video taken recently on the streets of New York City. Here, you will see two local citizens greeting a visiting tourist.

(The two muggers walk from stage left while the tourist walks towards them from stage right. They pass each other in the center with a friendly smile or wave and continue on without stopping. The tourist should do a little stutter-step just as he is past the locals.)

Narrator: Freeze Frame! Rewind! As you can see, citizens of New York are friendly and courteous. But, let's rewind that video and view it at 1/2 speed.

(scouts walk in reverse back over their original paths to their starting positions)

Narrator: Stop! (when they reach their spots). 1/2 Speed!

(Scouts repeat their paths, this time when they meet, the two muggers grab the tourist, pull items out of his pockets, and take his wallet)

Narrator: Freeze Frame! Rewind! So, there's more than meets the eye here. Let's take a look a little slower and see what we find.

(Scouts go backwards, redoing the stealing in reverse)

Narrator: Stop! (when they reach their spots). 1/4 Speed!

(Now the muggers grab the victim, turn him over, shake him, set him back on his feet, pick up the money, and continue. The victim just continues on smiling)

This can go on, adding beating, policeman chasing a robber in the background, person hailing a taxi, ... whatever the actors come up with.

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Ugliest Man in the World

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:1 good-humored adult victim.
6 or more scouts
a blanket or jacket to cover one actor's head
One scout is the ugliest man and is under a blanket.
Another scout is the circus caller getting brave people to pay money to see the ugliest man.
The rest are customers.
Script:Caller: Gather round! Step right up! Who is brave enough to gaze on the face of the ugliest man in the world? Only 25 cents! Step right up! Hey, you there - are you brave enough?
Scout #1: Sure, I'm brave! Here's your quarter, let me see him.
(Scout #1 walks up to ugly man an peers under the blanket at his face. He then screams, falls back, and faints.)
Caller: Now that was a brave lad! But, he didn't have the fortitude of character to withstand the ugliest man in the world. How about you, sir? Are you strong enough and brave enough?
Scout #2: Ha! You better believe it. Here's two bits. Now, let me see him.
(Scout #2 peers under the blanket with similar results.)
(repeat this for all the scouts until they are all fainted.)
Caller: Certainly there must be someone here brave and strong enough to view the ugliest man in the world and live to tell about it. Anyone? How about you, sir? (addressing the leader or other unsuspecting adult. Coax him up or work on someone else until someone is convinced to try.)

When the victim looks under the blanket, the ugliest man in the world screams and runs away in fright.

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Viper

Intended for:Cub Scouts
Required:3 or more scouts
roll of toilet paper
Script:(Scout #1 runs in from offstage left and stops at center stage.)
Scout #1: The viper is coming! The viper is coming!
(runs offstage right)
(repeat for each scout until last)

(last scout walks onstage carrying a roll of toilet paper with some streaming back off the roll.)
Last Scout : I am zee viper. I am zee viper.
(stops at center stage and turns to the audience.)
Last Scout : I am zee viper. Does anyvone need a vipe?
(continues offstage right)

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Walk On Selections

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:depending on the walk-on, lots of different things are needed.
Notes:This is a list of miscellaneous walk-ons. Walk-ons are done between skits and songs in a program.†
MC = Master of Ceremonies.†
Script:Scout walks in wearing a flashlight headlamp. Walks around center stage awhile, looking somewhat confused or dreamy.
MC: What's the matter?
Scout : I'm feeling a little LIGHT-headed.


Scout walks to center stage carrying a large jacket, followed by a few more scouts all in line. First puts one arm in the jacket. 2nd puts his arm in other sleeve. Next scout squirms in between the two. Continue, having all scouts try to get inside the jacket.
MC: What are you guys doing?
All Scouts: It says 'One Size Fits All!'


After a bad joke or skit, a scout runs on stage looking all over.
Scout : Where is it? I can't find it.
MC: What are you looking for?
Scout : The humor in that last joke/skit!


2 scouts walk on carrying tree branches with leaves loosely connected so they can be shaken off. They shake their branches as they walk across the stage, leaving leafs behind.
MC: You guys need to get off the stage!
Scouts: Don't worry - we're just LEAFing. (as they continue to walk offstage, shaking leafs)


Scout runs on, looking frantic.
Scout : It's all around me! It's all around me!
MC: What is it? What's all around you?
Scout : My Belt! (and runs off)


Scout runs on stage frantically waving his arms.
Scout : They're after me! They're after me!
MC: Who's after you?
Scout : The squirrels - they think I'm NUTS!


Scout runs on stage frantically waving his arms.
Scout : It's all around me! It's all around me!
MC: What's all around you?
Scout : The AIR!


3 or 4 scouts walk onstage in a group, carefully handing a propane bottle or small obvious gas can back and forth.
MC: What are you guys doing?
Scouts: Passing Gas!


Scout walks across stage dragging a rope.
MC: Why are you pulling that rope through here?
Scout : Ever try to PUSH one?


Scout runs to center stage.
Scout : And, now, its time to make a Spot announcement.
Scout in back of audience: BARK! (very loud)
Scout : Thank you, Spot!


Scout walks to center stage and starts throwing a ball up and catching it.
MC: Hey, what are you doing?
Scout : I don't feel very well and I'm THROWING UP!


Scout walks to center stage while yelling 'ATTENTION! ATTENTION!'
MC: Hey, what are you doing?
Scout : I'm just looking for a little attention.


Scouts line up by height offstage. They march on singing 'The Ants Go Marching'.

Scouts: The Ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah.
The Ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah.
The Ants go marching one by one, the little one stops to shoot his gun and they all go marching down into the ground, to get out of the rain.
(the last one in line stops and pretends to shoot a rifle and then runs to catch up as the rest march offstage singing.)
Scouts: The Ants go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah.
The Ants go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah.
The Ants go marching two by two, the little one stops to tie his shoe and they all go marching down into the ground to get out of the rain.
Scouts: The Ants go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah.
The Ants go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah.
(littlest one stops and turns back to audience as if he is unzipping his pants to pee.)
The Ants go marching three by three and the little one stops ...
Leader: (loudly interrupting) NO! NO! It's Climb a Tree! CLIMB A TREE!
(littlest one pretends to zip up pants and then runs to catch up with others offstage.)



Scout runs onstage with a cellphone.
Scout : Mr. Scott, the Tribles are after me. BEAM ME ABOARD!
(Scout offstage throws a board to land in front of the scout.)
Scout : Thank you! (picks up board and runs off).


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Washing Ears

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 to 8 scouts
2 cups
Preparation:Scout #1 has water in his cup. Last scout has a hidden mouth full of water.
Notes:This is just like the Toothbrushing Skit but easier.
Script:Scouts stand shoulder to shoulder facing audience. Scout #1 on the left, Last Scout on the right. #1 and Last each have a paper cup.

Scout #1: On our last outing, our leader taught us how to wash our ears AND conserve water. We're going to teach you so we can all help conserve water.

Scout #1 takes a drink of water from his cup and pretends to hold it in his mouth. He shakes his head around, pretending to splash the water inside both his ears. He then leans over to the next scout and pretends to spit it into his ear.

Next scout shakes and spits. Continue on down the line to the last scout.

The last scout (with a mouthful of water) shakes, and then spits a stream of water into his cup or out on the ground if outside.


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Water Vending Machine

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts, pitcher of water, paper cup
Script:One scout is a mechanical water vending machine. He holds the paper cup in one hand and the pitcher of water in the other. He stands center stage, facing stage left.

The second scout is an extremely thirsty person looking for a drink of water.

(scout #2 walks to center stage)
Scout #2: Man, I'm dying of thirst. I need a drink bad! What's this? Hey, a water vending machine - cool!

Scout #1: (in mechanical voice) Deposit 25 cents Please.

Scout #2: Alright. (takes quarter from his pocket and deposits it in vending machine scout's shirt pocket.)

Vending machine holds out paper cup, holds out pitcher, and pours water, but it purposefully misses the cup so the stream of water slowly pours onto the ground.

Scout #2: Hey, hey! (tries to grab the stream of water and licks it from his fingers.)

Scout #2: Stupid machine! I still need water!

Scout #1: (in mechanical voice) Deposit 25 cents Please.

Scout #2: Yeah, yeah, I know. (takes quarter and deposits in pocket.)

This time the machine holds out the cup, then the pitcher, then pours the water right into the cup. As the scout reaches for it, he quickly tips the cup upside down and then back upright again.

Scout #2: HEY! Man, I've just go to get some water.

Scout #1: (in mechanical voice) Deposit 25 cents Please.

(scout finds another quarter and deposits in pocket.)

This time the machine successfully pours a cup of water, but when the person reaches for it, the machine drinks it himself.

Scout #2: I don't believe it! I don't believe it! (searches for a quarter) This is my LAST quarter. I've got to get some water from this machine!

(person deposits quarter in pocket.)

This time as soon as the scout puts the quarter in the machine's pocket, he spits water in his face that he had kept in his mouth from drinking the cup.


Alternate Ending: The vending machine can drop the cup and when Scout #2 bends down to pick it up, he dumps the pitcher on him.

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Water, Water

Intended for:All Scouts
Script:A scout crawls slowly across the stage, as if he were dragging himself across the hot, sandy desert. It's best if he has long, really mussed up hair.

Scout 1: Water, water!

(another scout walks by and scout #1 begs...)
Scout 1: Water, water!
Scout 2: Sorry, dude, I don't have any. (and he walks off stage)

(repeat having other scouts walk by as scout #1 works his way across the stage, stopping each one and receiving an ad lib response.)

(finally, scout #1 sees a cup or bucket of water ahead of him.)
Scout 1: Water! Hallelujah!
(He quickly drags himself to it. When he gets there, he quickly stands up, pulls out his comb, dips it in the water, combs his hair, and walks offstage whistling.)


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We Have No Skit

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 to 12 scouts
Script:First scout walks to center stage, stops, slaps his forehead and shouts, 'Oh No!'
Next scout runs up to him and asks 'What's Wrong?'
First scout whispers in his ear, and scout #2 says 'Oh No!'
Repeat this for each scout running to the group until only the last one is left. He runs up and asks 'What's Wrong?'
All Scouts: We have no Skit!!!



You could have each scout start crying when they hear the bad news.

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What Kind of Tracks?

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:6 or more scouts
Script:(scout #1 walks center stage and bends down, concentrating on something on the ground. Scout #2 walks to him.)
Scout #2: What are you looking at?
Scout #1: These tracks here. I can't tell what kind they are. They look kind of like wolf tracks.
Scout #2: Hmmm. Naw, those are bear tracks.
Scout #1: I don't think so, they are too long for bear tracks.
Scout #2: Well, let's get Bobby to help us. Hey, Bobby!
(Scout #3 walks to them.)
Scout #3: What are you looking at?
Scout #1: These tracks here. I think they're wolf tracks, he thinks they're bear tracks. What do you think?
Scout #3: Nah, too skinny for wolf tracks. I'd say they're skunk tracks.
(all 3 scouts continue to examine the tracks closely as 3 more scouts holding waists in a line to form a train come chugging quickly down the tracks and bowl them all over.)
Scout #1: Aha! I guess they were TRAIN TRACKS!

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World Record Spitter

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:3 scouts
water bucket with small amount of water
Preparation:Scout #3 is planted out in the audience.
Script:Scout #1: Hey! I'm the best darn spitter in the whole world. Why, once I knocked a fly off a branch in the top of an oak trip with one spit! I even put out a match a hundred feet away!
Scout #2: No way! No one can spit like that!
Scout #1: Oh yeah? Here, I'll prove it. You stand over there and hold out your hand and I'll hit it.
Scout #2: No way! I don't want your spit all over my hand!
Scout #1: OK. Here, use this old bucket to catch my spit then.

(#2 takes the bucket and moves away from #1)
Scout #2: OK. Go ahead.
Scout #1: (winds up and pretends to spit at the bucket) Patui!
Scout #2: (tap the bottom of the bucket to make a thump like it caught the spit) Wow! You did it! Can you spit further?
Scout #1: Sure, no problem. Back up.
Scout #2: (both step further apart) OK. Go ahead.
Scout #1: (winds up and pretends to spit at the bucket) Patui!
Scout #2: (tap the bottom of the bucket to make a thump like it caught the spit) Wow! You did it! How far can you spit?
Scout #1: Heck, I can spit all the way around the world if I wanted to.
Scout #2: No way! Prove it!
Scout #1: OK. (really winds up and pretends to spit - a powerful one)
Scout #2: (duck out of the way as the spit flies past)
Scout #1: (looks behind him and ducks as the spit flies by)
Scout #2: (tap the bottom of the bucket to make a thump like it caught the spit) Wow! You did it! That's amazing!

Scout #3: Baloney! He didn't really spit around the world and into that bucket!
Scout #1: Oh yeah? Go ahead and show him.
Scout #2: (take the bucket and toss the water out over the audience)


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Worst Breath

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:1 good-humored victim.
4 or more scouts
a blanket or jacket to cover one scout's head
One scout is the dragon with horrid breath and is under a blanket.
Another scout is the circus caller getting brave people to pay money to take a look at the dragon.
The rest are customers planted in the audience.
Script:Scout #1: I'm looking for some very brave souls to face my hideous dragon. No one has ever survived an encounter with this dragon. Who will be a volunteer?

(a plant is chosen to come forward)

Scout #1: Yes, sir, you appear to be quite brave. All you need to do is peek under the blanket and say "Hello" to my dragon.

(volunteer lifts the edge of the blanket and says Hello. When the dragon replies, "Hellooooo" with a long breath, the volunteer makes ghastly coughing noises, stumbles to the side out of the way, and collapses.

Scout #1: How about another volunteer?
(he continues taking his 2 or 3 plants and then finally calls on the victim)

When the victim lifts the blanket and says Hello, the dragon coughs and collapses.

This is a knock-off of Ugliest Man in the World skit.

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Worst Criminal

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:4 to 8 scouts
Notes:All the criminals should act as tough as they can. The worst criminal should be kind of sitting quietly in the corner away from the others.
Script:(jailer leads new criminal to a cell, opens door, and pushes him in with the rest of the criminals. Jailer walks offstage.)

Scout #1: (shaking bars to cell) But, I'm innocent, I tell you!
(all the other criminals laugh at him)
Scout #2: Yeah, sure, we're ALL innocent. What did they say you did?
Scout #1: Robbed a bank.
Scout #2: Aw, I stole a Dodge Viper.
(everyone looks at Scout #3 expectantly)
Scout #3: Heck, I hijacked a city bus and drove it all the way to California.
(everyone looks at #4 expectantly)
Scout #4: That's nothing, I shot a guy - in the back.
(everyone looks at next one. Repeat for each scout until you get to the last one. Everyone is looking at him, but he doesn't say anything. Finally, ...)
Scout #1: Hey, what did you do?
Worst Criminal: (slowly looking around at each one. Say in a mean, tough voice.) You know those little tags on mattresses that you aren't supposed to remove? Well, I cut the one off my mattress!

(The rest of the criminals run to the bars, start shaking them, and screaming in fear)
All: Help! Get us out of here!!!

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Scout Soap

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:1 scout
shirt
neckerchief
socks
Script:Scout #1: Scout Soap is the greatest! It can clean anything as good as new and twice as fresh. Here we have the clothes our leader wore on our last hike. Let's see how well it works.
Scout #1: Here's his shirt. (pretends to wash it in a tub) Scrub, scrub, scrub, wring, wring, wring, shake, shake, shake.
Scout #1: (holds shirt up and looks at it.) Looks fresh! (rubs shirt) Feels fresh! (smells shirt) Smells fresh!

Scout #1: Here's his neckerchief. (pretends to wash it in a tub) Scrub, scrub, scrub, wring, wring, wring, shake, shake, shake.
Scout #1: (holds neckerchief up and looks at it.) Looks fresh! (rubs neckerchief) Feels fresh! (smells neckerchief) Smells fresh!

Scout #1: Here's his socks. (pretends to wash them in a tub) Scrub, scrub, scrub, wring, wring, wring, shake, shake, shake.
Scout #1: (holds socks up and looks at them.) Looks fresh! (rubs socks) Feels fresh! (smells socks and keels over dead.)


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Yaputcha

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:5 or more scouts
Script:Indian Chief is sitting center stage.
Each brave approaches the chief in turn...
Brave: Chief Lightfoot, is it time for Yaputcha?
Chief: (looks at sun, drops some dirt to check wind, sniffs the air, ... whatever you can think of.) No, the time is not right.
The braves sit in a circle which includes the chief.

Finally, when the last brave asks, the Chief checks things out and replies.
Chief: Yes, it is now time for Yaputcha!

Everyone cheers, stands up, and begins the hokey-pokey - "Yaputcha right foot in, Yaputcha right foot out, Yaputcha right foot in and shake it all about..."


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You Don't Say

Intended for:All Scouts
Required:2 scouts
Script:(Scout #1 pretends to have his cellphone ring and answers it.)
Scout #1: Hello?
Scout #1: You donít say.
Scout #1: You donít say!
Scout #1: You donít say?
Scout #1: You donít say!
(Hangs up)
Scout #2:What was that about?
Scout #1: I donít know, he didnít say.

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