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| Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red? A: So they can hide in cherry trees. Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? A: (they will say NO). Works, doesn't it?! Q: How do you know there have been elephants in the fridge? A: There's footprints in the butter. Q: Why do elephants paint their ears yellow? A: That's not paint, its butter. Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red, blue, green, orange, yellow, and brown? A: So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms. Q: How did the pygmie break his back? A: He tried to carry a bag of M&Ms home from the store. Q: Why is it dangerous to walk in the jungle between 3 and 4 in the afternoon? A: That's when the elephants jump out of the trees. Q: Why are pygmies so small? A: They walked in the jungle between 3 and 4 in the afternoon. Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree? A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years. Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years? A: Parachute him from an airplane. Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 1 and 2 in the afternoon? A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping. Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way? A: To fit on lily pads. Q: Why isn't it safe to walk on the lily pads between 4 and 5 in the afternoon? A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads. Q: Why are frogs such good jumpers? A: So they can walk on the lily pads between 4 and 5 in the afternoon. Q: How do you get two elephants in a pickup truck? A: One in the cab, one in the back. Q: How do you get two mice in a pickup truck? A: You can't ... it's full of elephants. Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: From stomping out forest fires! Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: From stomping out burning ducks! Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants running through the jungle? A: 'Here come the elephants running through the jungle!' Q: Why did the elephants wear sunglasses? A: So Tarzan wouldn't recognize them. Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants running through the jungle? A: Nothing. He didn't recognize them with their sunglasses on. Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of giraffes in the distance? A: 'Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!' Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum? A: An elephant is grey. Q: What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants in the distance? A: 'Look! A herd of plums in the distance' (Jane is color blind) Q: Why do cub scouts run so fast in the forest at night? A: To escape the elephants swinging through the trees. Q: What's that yucky stuff between the elephant's toes? A: Slow cub scouts! Q: How can you tell if an elephant is under your bed? A: The ceiling is very close! Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed? A: He has a big 'E' on his pajamas jacket pocket. Q: How do you tell an elephant from a field mouse? A: Try to pick it up, If you can't, it's either an elephant or a very overweight field mouse. Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in the refrigerator? A: Footprints in the Jell-O. Q: How can you tell if there are 2 elephants in the refrigerator? A: You can't shut the door! Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. Q: The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. He invited all the animals in the jungle, and they all came except one. Which one? A: The giraffe, because he was still in the fridge. Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge? A: You can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge? A: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan! Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagen? A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge? A: There's a VW parked outside it. Q: What did the fifth elephant in the VW discover? A: The sun roof. Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle? A: The fridge isn't large enough to hold them all. Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water? A: Wet. Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water? A: One by one. Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant? A: With a blue elephant gun, of course. Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant? A: There's no such thing as yellow elephants. Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead. Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree? A: It was glued to the first one. Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree? A: It thought it was a game. Q: And why did the tree fall down? A: It thought it was an elephant. Q: Why do elephants wear sandals? A: So that they don't sink in the sand. Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground? A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals. Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road? A: Deadant, Deadant, Deadant! (sung to Pink Panther tune). Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a live ant on the road? A: He stomped on it and then said 'Deadant, Deadant, Deadant!'. Q: Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow? A: He didn't want to sink in the hot chocolate. Q: How do elephants keep in touch over long distances? A: They make trunk calls. Q: What's red and white on the outside and gray and white on the inside? A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup. Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border? A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him 'lunch'. Q: Why are elephants wrinkled? A: Have you ever tried to iron one? Q: Why did the elephant cross the road? A: Chicken's day off. Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle? A: Optimistic! Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city? A: Free Parking. Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work? A: Sole use of the elevator. Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the bar? A: It's bike is outside. Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the bar? A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window. Q: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats? A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen. Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb? A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs. Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale? A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel. Q: How do you make a dead elephant float? A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,..... Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts? A: They're all on the same team. Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging? A: Take away his credit card. Q: Why do elephants have trunks? A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments. Q: What do you give a seasick elephant? A: Lots of room. Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet? A: An elephant with spare parts Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires? A: Smokey the Elephant. Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies? A: You miss most of the picture! Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant? A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk. Q: How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage? A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead! Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers? A: Cinderelephant. Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? A: 6:15PM (trick question!) | |
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